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On The Eve of Something New

I'm finding it hard to believe that today is the last day of 2004. My mind is in a fog. It's difficult to wrap my mind around the concept that this is it. The shows over folks, there will be no more days, no more months, no more hours or minutes left of this year once midnight comes. It feels sad in a way really. You suddenly hit December 31^st and start wondering if you did everything you intended to do over the course of the year. Was there anything left neglected, is there still enough time left to do anything else.

It's silly really. The end of the year is a numbers and head game. While tomorrow will be the first day of a new year life still goes on. There is no natural occurrence that marks the passing of one year into another. It is a human invention. The sun still rises and sets each day, the seasons continue their cycle.

I guess it's natural to want to mark the changing of one year to another. It gives humans as a whole a common goal to get to. Everyone has hopes, dreams, and intentions that they want to make reality within the course of 365 days.

I sometimes wonder what it's all about really. Right now I feel not so much nostalgic as I do numb and out of sorts. Nothing seems relevant to the time frame. Morning shifted into afternoon and now afternoon is giving way to night. I have done virtually nothing today. Read the paper, watched some TV, checked my e-mail. Nothing substantial. It feels like a bit of a let down really. Like a balloon that has slowly deflated.

Is there something I am supposed to be doing today before all the parties other than get ready? Who knows. This day is almost done and this year is almost gone. Perhaps I will find the answer to that question next December 31^st.

A Bad Habit

In the past few months I have started to smoke cigarettes occasionally. At first it was one for purely curiosity sake, and seeing as how I purchased my first pack today (Marlboro Ultra Lights) I have to admit that this is becoming more of a regular habit.

I feel like a hypocrite, as I have been a very hard anti-smoking lobbyist for a long time. I am also allergic to cigarette smoke so this is even worse. I have discovered that I can smoke them provided I don't actually inhale the smoke into my lungs. Still though, this is not good.

Up until now I have kept this very bad habit in the closet as it were but have decided to bring it into the open. Perhaps I can shame myself into stopping. John and D are both disappointed I have taken the habit up, though John has very little room to lecture me as he is a chain smoker himself.

*Sigh* It's almost the new year. GOOD things are supposed to be starting at this time of the year not bad things. I wonder if this is symptomatic of something in my subconscious? I have much to work on in the coming year...

A Merry Little Christmas

I spent Christmas this year not with family or by myself but in the company of friends and my boyfriend, John. This is the first Christmas I have actually spent with a guy I was dating. My track record has been that the relationship ended long before Christmas started. Hell before we even reached Thanksgiving in some cases. One of the many reasons that holidays in the past have been so hard for me. I have always spent them "alone."

Anyway, this Christmas was lovely. John's best friend Alan was hosting a get together at his house in DC. This was basically the same set up as Thanksgiving which John hosted. There were six of us all told, though only one other person (aside from Alan) who was at Thanksgiving. The meal was lovely and the evening went well.

The only bad event of the evening was the leaf of Alan's antique dinning room table decided to collapse and my glass of pink zinfandel went all over the front of my periwinkle blue turtleneck. My BRAND NEW, NEVER BEEN WORN BEFORE, periwinkle turtleneck. I was mortified and ended up spending the next 20 minutes scrubbing wine out of my sweater and then the rest of the evening trying to get the sweater dry without shrinking it before it was time for me to go home. Thank God Alan and I wear the same size because I was able to borrow something of his to wear for the rest of the night.

All in all it was a wonderful evening and I really enjoyed this Christmas as a whole. It was a definite bright spot in my life and significant because I know that from now on I will have people around me in the times I most need them. Whether I realize they are there or not.

No Time For Me

I am thoroughly sickened and outraged at Time magazine selecting Prejudice Bush to be their "Man Of The Year." Is there really no more unbiased journalism left in America? Have we really become a nation that completely panders to its political figures?

In reading the comments about why Time chose the president to be their man of the year it became glaringly obvious that they are a biased, Red (the color of communists ironically enough), Republican publication. I used to really enjoy reading Time. Their articles were intelligent and usually well written. I always thought them to be very unbiased. Apparently not. I talking to people I know I have learned that Time has been a biased publication for a long time. Why didn't anybody clue me in earlier on this? One thing is clear, I won't ever read Time magazine again.

My furry and disappointment has only become enraged at the other people the magazine considered this year: Karl Rove, Michael Moore and Mel Gibson. Why do we need to have yet another political figure, i.e. Karl Rove, as a candidate. Micheal Moore or crazy ass Mel Gibson would have sufficed. What about the people who have been doing social good throughout the world? Why not make a firm rule that NO political figure, be it Democrat or Republican, be eligible for this award? Isn't that the fair and unbiased thing to do?

People in this day and age are so incredibly spineless. Everyone is afraid to upset the political world for fear that something bad might happen. What happened to a government run by the people. You know in Europe the citizens would not put up with this shit for two seconds. They would revolt. There would be violent and protests in the streets and things would change.

The problem with the American public is that they are sheep. Even the ones who get angry are easily placated and lulled into a false sense of security of silence. It makes me very sad to see what our nation has decayed into over the past 30 years. I really hope and pray that we begin to turn things around soon. I fear for what will happen if we don't.

An "Essential" Purchase

My Taiwan edition of The Essential Barbra Streisand arrived today. I bought this baby on ebay and it cost the same amount as the American edition which I purchased years ago.

Why did I buy a CD I already have? Packaging. The Taiwan edition features the international cover of the CD which is WAY prettier than the U.S. version. As you can see below, the international cover image of Ms. Streisand is VERY flattering, whereas the U.S. one uses an unflattering pic from the late 70's, early 80's when she was sporting that hideous curly permed hair that was all the rage back then.

I also bought this CD for more than just the cover (though the stunningly better image was compelling enough a reason for me). The Taiwan edition also comes with a huge fold out poster, a lyric sheet with full lyrics to all of the songs, and a lovely cardboard slipcase to house the folded poster and CD in (the folded lyric sheet actually fits inside the CD booklet). All this for the same price as the U.S. release!

It just reminds me once again of a universal truth that I have come to realize over the years. When an artist releases a new CD, especially a compilation, check the international editions out and compare them to the U.S. editions as they often times have more material or better packing and you can usually get them for about the same price.

My New Boyfriend

For some of you in my personal life you have been very aware that something has been up for the past several months. Some of you have inquired about it and some of you were told early on what was going on. For those of you who don't know me other than through this site you more than likely you didn't notice a thing. But most importantly, I have noticed something. And while it has been happening to me for a while, and I was aware of a lot of it for some time now, there has been a good deal that has increasingly become more obvious and in some ways intrusive.

What is this change? Well if you didn't figure it out from the title of this post then you have more serious problems to worry about. But let's make it official shall we? I have a new boyfriend. And not just any boyfriend, but a wonderful one. For the first time in my life I am dating a good man who isn't an alcoholic, control freak, commitment-phobe, or all around Emotional Fuckwit.

My new boyfriend John is a very good man who respects me and genuinely cares about me and treats me right. He lets me be and run wild as I need to but at the same time is supportive and caring and THERE. He isn't scared of who I am and accepts me with all of my faults and shortcomings, both the good and the bad. And in turn I accept the same things about him. I care for him and like him for who he is, not who I imagine him to be or want to become. There is no pressure on either side, and when we are together there is a sense of completeness. And while this is joyous and wonderful news, it is not without complications.

He and I both have our share of issues and past hurt. And there are other obstacles, such as the large age gap between us. If looked at on the surface, our relationship could very much be viewed as father complex meets sugar daddy. And while this would be an easy fantasy to indulge it is far from the reality. Physically we are not the same age but spiritually, mentally, and emotionally we are on the same level. Our relationship is built on time spent together and solid intellectual and emotional interaction, not on sex (which BTW is phenomenal) and materialistic gain. But all of that aside it does pose a problem from time to time on many levels, though neither one of us is content to let that stop us. It is an obstacle we will always be overcoming, but the important thin is that we do it together and that we never lose sight of what is important.

Another problem is commitment. We have both been badly burned by past lovers and are wary of total trust on a committed level at this point in our relationship. We have known each other for seven months by the way but have only been seriously dating for about five or six. And with the age thing there comes an additional complication. He doesn't want me to cut my youth and short by settling down before I have had a chance to fully enjoy life and other men and I am inclined to agree with him. I very much ant to settle down, but there is still a restlessness within me that needs to be explored and quenched. And while that sounds borderline to commitment phobia it really isn't.

My life has really only taken off in the past three years after years spent in stagnation and deep depression. I am riding high and feeling at the top of my game. And what I have with John is a very good thing. I care for him deeply and I don't want to repeat the same mistakes made with my exes and rush into something or try to settle down too soon and fuck it up. Especially my last ex. I loved that man very much and there will always be a fond place in my heart for him because he was my first true love. But I also know that he was not and will never be "The Love of My Life" and I don't want him back. I realize now he and I would have outgrown each other eventually, and had my desire to move in with him and build a life together come to fruition we would have ended in worse misery than we did. Especially for me. At least this way I don't hate him but am not still pining for him either. I know in my heart that he has forgotten about me, that I have been relegated to the dark recesses of his mind where all the others eventually landed, and that's fine. I have, for the most part, made peace with that part of my life. There will always be a twinge of sadness when I look back, but that is all. It is a bittersweet memory. What I have now is my today and tomorrow. I haven't come through all I've come through not to have learned something.

I don't expect everyone reading this, or even any of you, to fully understand it. This is one of those experiences that you really have to go through in order to understand it. I know what I know and I know in my gut that what I am doing, what we are doing, is the right thing. I am making my relationship with John public after having kept it secret for so long, because it is important to me. Because I do love him and want him to be a part of my life as much as I want to be part of his. I can't, and I won't, pretend anymore that things aren't as serious as they are. But at the same time I can't, and won't, deny my need to explore and interact with other men. And best of all he understands that, and encourages it. And he knows that he is also free to do the same. We are secure with each there, in many ways we trust each other more than we may feel comfortable doing right now, but there is an understanding there that no matter how much exploration, how greener the grass appears, what we want is each other. And when the time and place are right, we will come together and stay there.

A Tribute For Two Teachers

Over a month ago I received a letter from my elementary school informing me that two teachers who had been there for almost 20 years had retired. The school was looking for alumni to submit tributes, stories, and anecdotes about these two women.

Normally I wouldn't bother with this sort of request. This school was after all the foundational corner stone of my Hellish adolescence and left me with more scars than I can name. However these two teachers I liked a lot. They are good people, and one of them in particular made what was an otherwise dark period in my life, a lot brighter.

I meant to write something about each of them a while back but forgot. Fortunately they haven't even begun this project even though the extended due date was yesterday. They never were known for their timeliness on projects. I called up the school to make sure that it wasn't too late to submit my tributes. Yes, I actually called up the school. So you know it was damned important to me. The woman who was the head of the project said it was quite alright and so I e-mailed her what I wrote.

I don't know what will become of this. I'm pretty sure they will get the whole thing put together eventually. Whether or not I will hear about it or even have my submissions included (I'm telling you it's a unneasy relationship) remains to be seen. But this whole process meant a lot to me. It brought back many happy memories that ovr the years have become lost amongst the pain and angst. And because of that, I want to share it what I wrote with the world at large. Even if the school doesn't include what I submitted, at least it will be out there in the great scheme of things via this blog and hopefully someone who cares will see it.

And here they are, my tributes to two wonderful teachers. Thank you both for everything you gave me all those many years ago.

When I heard that Mrs. Aizupitis and Mrs. Dwyer were leaving ACDS I was quite surprised. As one of the few students who attended ACDS from its early years, from kindergarten through 8th grade, I have been privileged to experience the joy and creativity that these two amazing teachers have given to the school throughout the years. They will be greatly missed and ACDS will certainly not be the same without them.

I have a very special place in my heart for Mrs. Aizupitis. She will forever in my mind be a fixture of ACDS life. It is hard to find all of the right words to say. Mrs. Aizupitis was and is simply an inspiration. A one-of-a-kind person who shines. I remember her music as a child and the fun and interesting games she had for us to play. The way she wove the history and details about each song as she played them for us, and her passion for the music, still stays with me. Her musical story times are still unmatched and were the best way to pass a rainy afternoon when we couldn't go outside and play.

She had this way of looking at you when you talked to her that made you feel so completely heard and understood. There was this light and look of wisdom in her eyes too, and the way she would smile that gave you this sense that she was seeing far beyond the immediate you. As If she were able to foresee the future of what your potential would be, all the while encouraging you to pursue your art and dreams. She always encouraged us to strive for more, to be more. I was blessed to have had her as a teacher for so many years.

I was also one of her original Bell Choir students. My years in the Bell Choir taught me a new appreciation of music especially since she made it fun and easy to learn. I will always be grateful to Mrs. Aizupitis for everything she taught me and gave me as a student. I feel sorry for the future generations who not experience her as a teacher.

I don't recall being in Mrs. Dwyer's kindergarten class, I don't think I was, but then again I don't remember much about kindergarten in general so I may be wrong. But what sticks out in my mind about her most is her presence. Mrs. Dwyer was one of the calmest, most centered teachers I have ever met. I can't recall a time I ever saw her lose her temper with a student. Her approach to every situation was so calming and soothing that not problem seemed like much of one at all. Her love and passion for teaching and her students radiated and it was impossible not to feel unhappy around her. Even if you weren¹t one of her students, she was always kind to you and never failed to give you a bright smile when you passed her in the hallways.

I wish both Mrs. Aizupitis and Mrs. Dwyer all the best and know that they will continue to touch the lives of and bring joy to everyone around them.

No More Tears (Enough Is Enough)

I was in Borders the other day Christmas shopping when I came across Barbra Streisand's Duets CD. I have been wanting to buy this CD for a while but haven't because I wanted a certain edition of it. The CD was released with four differently colored covers, the one I wanted was the red and blue version, but I haven't been able to find it on ebay. Well, low and behold there in the store was the red and blue edition, and while I hate paying full price, I was tired of searching for it and decided to treat myself.

The CD is fabulous and I am very happy with it. Except that I was pissed off to see that the duet with Donna Summer, No More Tears (Enough Is Enough), is the 4 minute 7-inch single version., This is an awesome disco-style dance song, whose original album version was 8 minutes long. The song has a great melody and gives both singers an equal number of lyrics to sing. While there have been a few hits collections for Barbra and Donna released, most of which are remastered from the original master tapes, none of them have the full 8 minute version of the song. The Bad Girls Deluxe Edition CD does have the 11 minute 12-inch single version of the song remastered, but this is a remix of the album version and therefore not the same.

So, to express my love of this song and frustration at it's being under-appreciated on compilation CDs, I am presenting the original album version of No More Tears (Enough Is Enough) here for your listening pleasure.

Dissing Dan Rather

Dan Rather announced today that he will be stepping down from his position as anchorman for the CBS. He will apparently remain a "correspondent" but his familiar perch at the anchor-table will be filled by some undoubtedly "hot, young, new, sexy talent." That last part is pure conjecture on my part but I wouldn't be surprised.

This is yet another ripple in the shock wave that is the current political and sociological state of our once great nation. While Mr. Rather is not mentioning the incident regarding the Bush service documents it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that his career as a journalist is coming to an end because of it. Despite the fact that the secretary of the general who apparently wrote those letters said the content was true but the letters themselves false and that the letters she typed are God only knows where, the right wing Gestapo will prevail.

Dan Rather is yet one of many tragic victims of the over conservatism of America. Because he dared to be the mouthpiece, or rather more importantly, dared to question our President's far from scrupulous background the man has suffered shame, degradation, humiliation, and ultimately discharge. I don't believe he is choosing to step down, I think the network is so concerned that they will lose viewers and revenue because thy took a risk and attempted to report some truth, that they have "suggested" that dear Dan step down.

Forget his almost 25 years of service to their organization, no it is better to pin the blame on one man, rather than the multiples who are really responsible, and make a clean break of it. What does it matter that he has been disgraced and made a public pariah, their bottom dollar is safe and that is all that counts.

I respect Dan Rather for making the difficult decisions that he has made. And despite his caving to the pressure and issuing that ridiculous apology, he is still an honorable man.

What America in its "we are so holy and moral" delusion fails to realize is that men like Dan Rather are a dying breed. These are men who have dedicated their lives to objectively reporting the facts, both good and bad. Men who, despite the possible consequences, time and again went out on a limb and took chances to ensure that the truth was being told to the people.

We are a nation that supposedly reveres its proud heritage as a free democracy that upholds freedom of speech. But when something a little too ugly, a little too real, something unpopular is presented in the news, fractions of our society get in an uproar and quash it. Suppressing our so-called freedom of speech in red tape and misguided moral bullshit. We aren't a nation of freedom, we are a nation of hypocrites masquerading as equalitarians. Free speech only applies so long as it doesn't cause too many waves and upset the ones with money and power.

Perhaps I am being a foolish idealist, but it makes me sick to think about the level of hypocrisy and dictatorship that my country has fallen too. We are no better than the people we drop bombs on in the name of peace. With each passing incident I feel more ashamed to call myself an American.

HMO: Hell's Medical Officiates

Well I have spent half the day today sitting around waiting to be seen by my new primary care physician. All thanks to my lovely HMO medical plan. I thought that because it was provided by Carefirst Blue Cross that it would be better than say one provided by Clinic Permanente. Apparently this is not true, as it really depends on the doctor you get. And while my experience wasn't as ghastly and fucked up like it would have been had I gone to Clinic Permanente, it still wasn't pretty.

I selected my doctor back in September shortly after I started my new job. I knew nothing about him, and because I am usually so fit I figured that I wouldn't be calling upon his services at all. Boy, was I wrong. I have come down with this very nasty bacterial infection in my throat. My tonsils are actually swollen so badly it feels like I have razors stuck into the sides of my throat. Lovely, I know.

Well I called up yesterday to make an appointment and they tell me to come in whenever. This was not a good sign and I knew it. When I arrived at the building where my doctor's offices are I discovered that he is one of 6 doctors who belong to a clinical practice. People where almost stacked on top of each other waiting, it was a nightmare.

I spent the first 45 minutes filling out probing forms and then another 30 minutes waiting. Finally I popped out for an hour-long lunch and came back and waited for another 15 minutes before I was finally seen.

My doctor as it turns out was an ass. In fact, from this point on he shall be referred to as "Dr. Cockhead" (his real name is Dr. Kauffmann). He looks at my throat and then asks me when this started, what all the symptoms were, etc. I told him. He then starts reviewing my forms and asks me if I'm sexually active and after my response of yes, awkwardly tries to ask me what kind of sex I engage in. I believe his exact words were, "Heterosexual sex or... uh...."

I became very annoyed and told Dr. Cockhead I was Gay which immediately prompted him to ask me about my HIV status and whether or not I was tested regularly. He then went on to tell me that due to my sexual lifestyle that I needed to be careful because it is "risky."

I was furious. Had I told Dr. Cockhead I was straight he wouldn't have even asked me about HIV. It's nice to know that the the common, 1980's, misconception that only Gay people contract HIV is still alive and well. If I wasn't desperate for relief I would have murdered him right there and then. I bit my tongue from saucily saying to him, "Heterosexuals are just as equally at risk for HIV and their contraction rates aren't that much different from Homosexuals." I wish I hadn't refrained now.

Dr. Cockhead then does a quick look-see in my mouth and tells me that I just have a viral infection and gives me some very high powered antibiotics to cure it. He then reminds me to get tested regularly and then reitterates his ignorant statements about my "risky lifestyle." I just forced a nasty smile, thanked him, and left clutching the prescription tightly.

I have begun the meds and I already feel some relief. But I am still very pissed off over this jackass and his bigoted comments. I can't afford to pay for a PPO health plan, but one thing is for sure, I am going to find a new doctor ASAP!

Beret!

So my long sought after black beret has at last arrived. I have been tempted by the idea of wearing one for ages, and my desire only solidified when I saw Eve Tokimatsuri sporting one in Megazone 23 Part II (it was part of her Lonely Sunset music video costume). That was many a year ago and over the past year I finally worked up enough nerve to do it.

The only problem is that I am a very particular person and I wanted Eve's beret. No other would do. Most beret's targeted for men either have one of those stupid fez's sticking out of the top of them or they have a bill and are really a page boy style hat. I have searched in vain for a beret that falls to one side of the head and is completely smooth all the ay around, no seems, no fez, with a subtle head band.

It wasn't until about a month ago that I found what I as looking for. I was sitting in traffic on my way home one day when I looked over at the military base on the side of the road I normally pa no attention to this instillation as usually the traffic isn't stopped in front of it. Well I look over to check out a very cute marine and that's when it hits me, he's wearing THE beret! I took another look, and sure enough my eyes did not deceive me. I aw a few other soldiers and they all had them as well. I was delighted and overjoyed.

The next day at work when I was at lunch I got online and did a search on military berets. Sure enough jackpot. Dozens of sites and shops that sold these berets at very reasonable prices to anyone who wanted one. I went home that night, measured my head and calculated my hat size and then placed my order the next day.

It took forever for it to arrive but today it came and I am very happy. I was a little worried how I would look in it, but after trying I on and wearing it around the house for bit I am quite satisfied. It looks like Eve's and that made me very happy, though not to worry I don't have any plan of sporting a black leather cat suite and red jacket anytime soon. I can't wait to wear it out.

Below is a picture of Eve in her beret and me in mine. You know it wasn't until after I took this photo and put the two side by side that I realized that Eve's is a different style. In fact hers is more of a large poof that is parted in the middle and falls over the right side and back left side of her head. Ah, well mine's close enough and besides, hers would more than likely look silly on me.

All in all I am very satisfied and ready to grab a karaoke mic and start singing!

Halle-Fallujah

And so it begins again. Today the U.S. Armed forces have invaded Fallujah. We are entering yet another bloody chapter in this terrible war.

Coverage is everywhere: on the radio, on the TV news, on the internet. Every minute, every hour a constant stream of information and coverage. Some are cheering and shouting hallelujah and some are protesting. There are those justifying and those mourning. The fires that have consumed our world for so long have only become more aggravated.

When will this end I wonder? When will the killing and the violence and bloodshed come to an end. Is peace really so much of an illusion. Even moving to another country, the fighting still persists. The problems don't go away, the scenery only changes.

I am sad. There is an ever present grief that weighs heavily on my soul. The world and the life I once knew, the ideals I grew up with as a child are forever gone. They are nothing more than faded dreams. A nostalgia to young to call distant history but at the same time too obsolete to be called relevant.

I feel lost and abandoned. I know I am not the only one. More people than we can possibly imagine all over this planet are feeling the same way. Everyone is suffering. Everyone in some way or another is paying a price. And yet there are still those that cheer. There are still those that pontificate from upon high and justify the death and destruction.

This isn't about right and wrong anymore. It's not about who's giving the orders and who's carrying them out. It is about life and posterity. I've heard it said that we fight wars for our children, so that we can give them a tomorrow. And if that's true then what is the limit on the costs? And if one war is fought for another generation, when does the cycle end? Must we really continue to destroy and kill so that the the next in line can live to see a day when thy will do the same thing in order to ensure this same fate for their children?

If this is evolution, if this is what it takes to preserve the species, then maybe it's best if we become extinct. After all lesser animals might kill and fight, but they don't disrupt the entire existence of the planet.

My Mama The Minister

My mother has this habit of throwing odd ideas at me from out of nowhere. We were this afternoon and I forget what the conversation was about when suddenly she asks me, "What do you think about me marrying you."

I was like, "What!?! What the Hell are you talking about?"

She says, "Marrying you. You know, you and your partner."

Now I was really confused. So she starts elaborating.

"I'm thinking about becoming a minister and marrying Gay couples. I have been thinking a lot about why I'm here, and why I was sent a Gay child, and what I can do."

I was stunned, speechless, touched, and bewildered all at once. What do you say to that? I said, "Well, I don't have a problem with that. But you know it is not an easy process to become a minister and you'll have to find a church and the weddings aren't legal."

She said in that perfectly calm, rational way of hers, "Oh, I know. I'm just putting the thought out there. I'm not making any moves yet."

All of my life I have tried to understand how my mother makes these mental jumps in conversations. I was raised by her and have attempted to analyze her behavior and I am still none-the-wiser. And yet it all makes sense in it's own strange way. Go figure.

National Day Of Mourning

I went into work today dressed all in black as a political statement. I am mourning the tragic state of our nation. I was not the only one either. There were dozens of people out today dressed all in black for the same reason. I was one of three people in my office dressed this way and tomorrow we are expecting there to be a few more.

This is a sad time for us. From now until the end of the next four years America will be in a fight to stay strong and stay together. These are sad and difficult times. I pray that we will all make it through the coming years safely.

White Houses

Well, in the end Kerry turned coward and conceded. THREE FUCKING STATES left and he just turns around like a gutless little fuck and conceded. Ohio could have gone his way. Hell, those uncounted 1.6 Million Florida Absentee ballots could have over-tuned the State to him and given him a victory. We don't know. It is too soon to call. But instead of waiting it out he just bulked. The man gave up.

I feel so hurt and betrayed right now. The pain is indescribable. I feel as if I have watched everyone I know and love be murdered and I'm just left to wander the ruins.

This is the beginning of the end for us. I don't see how we can survive. George WARMONGER Bush has republican majority in both the Senate and Congress. There is no balance, his power is almost completely unchecked. I guess it's time to call the White House by its new and lasting title, The White Supremacy House.

It will start subtly but swiftly. The draft notices will come when the global surplus of troops begins to dry up. The War will go on. The terrorists will regroup and grow stronger and our exhausted nation will not be able to continue to fight them.

Civil rights and freedoms will be further restricted. Gay rights, starting with marriage, will become nonexistent. Gay marriage will be banned under a constitutional amendment that will define marriage according to the belief structure of crazed, religious zealots and not the citizens of this country. There will be heavier media censorship and people who try to oppose the will of the party in power will be quashed.

The job market and economy will get worse. It has gotten progressively so over the past four years. More people will lose their jobs and the cost of living will become so high that the average worker will not be able to meet them. The rich will get more tax breaks and become richer while the poor will be permanently kept poor and the middle class will disappear altogether. Healthcare costs will skyrocket and what little social Security is left will be burned faster than Autumn leaves on a pyre.

In four years time we will till be in Iraq, fighting a senseless war and our country will be on the verge of ruin if not there already.

The future we are all approaching is a very grim one. No one is safe anymore. Oblivion is coming.

There is a song I hear playing in my head. I played this song when we were attacked on September 11, 2001. I played this same song when we went to war on March 19, 2002. And now, on the day that our hopes and dreams have died, the day that marks the beginning of the end of our freedoms and the United States as we know it, I play this song again: Love Drifts Away.

Election Night

I am so depressed watching the presidential elections. What is wrong with this country? Don't these people realize that we are marching down the path to Hell and ruin?!?!?!

I guess every Rome must fall eventually. I will pray for peace and for a positive outcome. But my optimism is very low.

If Bush does win I guess we will have to see what the next four years will bring, but I have a very strong feeling that America is headed back into the dark ages.

One can only fight for so long. If it comes down to it I may just end up in the end leaving the country of my birth for more accepting and free soils. That reality is still a ways off, but certainly one not far from my thoughts...

Hamlet: A Halloween Tragedy

Tonight was supposed to be an even groovier Halloween than last year. I received an invitation from a former coworker of mine to go to this fab Halloween party in Arlington. The invitation was extended to the immediate guests an their friends and family. When I received this invitation which was a few weeks ago, the number of attendees was somewhere around 75 and growing! It was to be a catered event with an i-pod mini as a prize to the person with the best costume!

As you can imagine I was ecstatic. I raced around for a costume and by shear serendipity I ended up borrowing a Shakespearean style renaissance outfit from my dad's wife. Life is strange, no? I bought a few accessories and was ready to go.

On Friday, Heather called me up and wondered if I was free to come to a Halloween party she was throwing tonight. The start time was before this other party I had already agreed to go to so I decided to hit hers first then go over to the other one. This worked out very well and I made it to the big party about thirty minutes after it was scheduled to start.

I noticed a lack of cars and I wasn't sure if I was in the right place. The address was the same on the invitation. I figured that maybe not many people had showed up yet or were on other streets. I arrived on the heels of some trick or treaters and this is when the panic began to descend. I saw whom I assumed was the host and she wasn't in costume and there wasn't anyone around.

I introduced myself and said I was there for her party. She got this wide eyed look and said, "That was last night."

I wish I had just ceased to exist right there on the spot. LAST NIGHT!!! How could I make such a mistake. But sure enough right there on the invitation is said Saturday, October 30 NOT Sunday, October 31 as I had misread weeks ago. I was mortified. I explained the mix up in about 5 seconds then as graciously as one can while dressed in pantaloons and black nylons the night after a Halloween party, I made my exit.

I was so humiliated. It was like that scene in Bridget Jone's Diary when Bridget shows up to the Tarts & Vicars party dressed as a bunny girl only to discover that the theme was changed! I drove red faced and dejected home, making calls along the way. The first person on the call list was my ex-coworker. It was imperative that I explain my social gaff ASAP. I then called Heather and explained what happened. She invited me back to her place but by the time I would have made it back there it would have been 9 pm and I would have had to turn around shortly after to go home, so it didn't seem worth it. Before I got home I hit Wendy's for some comfort food.

*Sigh* How depressing. I was so looking forward to this party too. Guess there's always next year... In the end Hamlet lived up to his reputation as a tragic figure. Next year I'm going as someone happy-go-lucky!

A Vicious Old Lady!

So I'm in the typical rush hour traffic in DC when I get stuck at an intersection. I had two choices, (1) go into the intersection and block the cross traffic or (2) stay were I was which was in the crosswalk. Now people, this is Washington, DC. Cars stopped at red lights in the crosswalk are a constant occurrence, especially in the heart of the downtown business district where I work. If you visit, work, or live in the city you get used to it. Traffic here is nuts.

So, I'm in the crosswalk and a crowd of people go past. They have to move around the front of my car but it is not serious, they are still several feet away from the actual intersect. All of the people walk past and the light is about to change when this short, hunched over old woman comes limping into the crosswalk. She walks in front of my car, takes her fist and starts hammering on the hood! It was a good thing I was so shocked because it not only surprised me, but pissed me off royally and chances are I might have just hit the accelerator and run her down!

Absolutely insane. She yelled something but I couldn't hear it with the windows up. Justice did come swiftly though because as she got to the sidewalk she tripped and dropped her huge purse on the ground and almost fell over. I just let out a huge, "Hah!"

You know when she hit my car and then hobbled along I almost rolled the passenger-side window down to yell at her. I wish I had done so now because by the time she tripped I would have had the window down and could have yelled out something to the effect of, "See what happens when you're unjustifiably vicious to people!"

The people in this city are crazy! Just Crazy!!!

Powder Room Praise

I was standing at the sink in the Mens Room after work when Boss Man comes out of one of the stalls. I always feel weird whenever I run into people I know, especially those I work with, in the bathroom. It's a level of intimacy/privacy that I just don't need to be acquainted with. Hence why I love private bathrooms. And then there is always the awkward acknowledgement that follows. You say, "hello" but t just feels weird given the setting and then you're at a loss for things to say afterwards unless the two of you are on your way out. But still.

So here I am washing my hands and the CEO comes over and starts washing his hands. We said Hello, and he starts complimenting me on my recent work. Apparently he is VERY impressed with the job I am doing and looks forward to seeing my continued hard efforts. I said something stupid in response like I intend to keep working hard and then blubbered into overzealous praise of the company and how much I like it.

He seemed happy to hear it, but he had that look in his eyes like, "What a funny kid." *Sigh As long as I've been around the working world there are still situations I am not very adept at. Taking praise or even having a conversation with a VP is one of them. Things to work on in the future...

Missing Laura

I had a dream this morning before I awoke. I dreamed I was going to see Laura Branigan in concert. I was so excited, at last I was finally going to see her and get to meet her afterwards. And as I dreamed my conscious mind reminded me that this was a dream, so in reality Laura was dead. I would never meet her in this earthly existence. And just as that thought drifted through my mind someone in my dream informed me of the news they said that it as too late, that she had died and so the concert would be not be. I was devastated and yet I knew this was the truth as my conscious mind had told me as much. And in that moment of realization I woke up. Lying there in my bed, not standing at a ticket counter. All alone in the darkness of dawn, stricken with a grief I have seldom known on such a deep level.

It has been almost two months since Laura Branigan died, and still I find myself haunted by the tragedy of her passing. Such a vibrant, talented individual, gone in a split second. Whisked away by a silent killer that she herself didn't even see coming. I know and accept that all things happen for a reason, but the deep sadness I feel is at times overwhelming. She was a personal hero of mine, an icon. Her music meant so much to me, and its presence in my life was a very strong and positive force. Though her music and passion will live on forever in the recordings she left behind, I feel incredibly empty. As if a part of myself has been amputated, leaving me with a faded memory and false sense of what used to be.

I have never felt this way about a celebrity's passing before. I never met Laura or even saw her live in concert. Those were dreams I had that could have been reality. But the time for those dreams to come to fruition has long since passed. I am angry, sad, and confused. I want to cry but the sense of loss I carry inside of me feels like an empty void that has sucked even my ability to shed tears into an infinite darkness.

I don't know why it was time for her to go. I don't understand the greater reason of this situation. But then again isn't that the point? We aren't meant to understand the reasons why at the moment of impact. It is the knowing and learning that comes with time that shapes the lesson of our journey.

Right now I feel shaken and very much alone. There is no immediate comfort for this pain. I wish there was. I really wish there was.

Almost White-Collar Crime

A little over a month ago I received a notice in the mail informing me that I had been selected for jury duty and must appear at the courthouse on October 6^th. And while I believe in our justice system (for the most part) and feel it is a good little citizen's duty to do jury duty, this summons could not have come at a worse time. I have less than 2 weeks at present to finish this major design project (creating a professional brand and image for a group of constituents isn't an easy task!) before our annual meeting. *Sigh*

But I'm getting a bit ahead of myself. So I get this notice and toss it on my bedside table were I put all important, relatively time sensitive documents. After all, if it's in such a prominent place I should see it and act upon it right?

Wrong. I totally forgot about the damn thing and well more urgent time sensitive documents arrived in the mean time so it sort of got buried. And with my hectic schedule I completely forgot I had been summoned. And then the morning of October 7^th rolled around...

Yes, October 7^th. As in the day AFTER I was supposed to show up. I got up that morning as usual, got dressed and was just out the door when it hit me that I had jury duty coming up soon and that I should check my notice for the date. I went cold as soon as I read it. Panic set in, followed by images of cops showing up at my house or worse still my office with a warrant for my arrest, dragging me away in cuffs for prosecution for failure to show up for jury duty. I was trying to envision how I would respond in years to come to those questions on job applications that ask you if you've ever been incarcerated. Would I get caught if I lied? It was only a skipped jury duty after all. Would my honest answer affect my potential to land this new job? My only consolation is that at least it would be considered a white-collar crime. That's far more respectable in Emily Post-type circles.

After about 5 minutes I snapped myself out of neurosisville and back into reality. The VA police force has better things to do than arrest me for missing jury duty, especially if I call in the very next day and say, "Oops I forgot." Which is exactly what I did once I got to work.

After 15 minutes of frustration and trying to get through to a live person at the courthouse I finally succeeded and explained what had happened. They said not to worry and that they would reschedule me for the following Tuesday. So much for being guilty of committing a white-collar crime. My old jury group number was 200, my new one would be 220. I felt a bit relieved. After all it's better to have a higher jury number, less chance of being called.

Fast forward to this afternoon. Rather than being practical and telling people a week in advance whether or not they have jury duty, the U.S. judicial system feels it's better to make you call and automated voice mail box the night BEFORE your assigned date to see if you are needed or not. What kind of inconsiderate bull shit is that?!?!

So tonight I called and sure enough my group has been called. I am just so thrilled can't you tell? Not only do I miss a precious day of work but I also have to get up at 6:30 AM in order to leave by 7 AM in order to be there by 8:15 AM. I am NOT a happy potential juror. I don't sleep well as is, without having my resting hours shortened because of civil service! *Sigh* What's a boy to do?

In other news I received MAJOR kudos from Boss Lady this afternoon via e-mail. Like a good little office underling working on a big project I sent an e-mail Friday morning to my boss outlining what Boss Lady and I had discussed in our meeting Thursday, and cc'd the major execs (including Boss Lady and Boss Man). Today, an e-mail from Boss Lady to the major players comes through (I was cc'd on it) that read:

So glad to see this underway. Mike and I had a very good meeting and I think his involvement will be positive for all involved. He understands customer service and the importance of this product both in terms of revenue and membership value. I have encouraged him to look at the data from many different angles such as what is selling best, frequency of purchases, potential pricing changes, etc.

I was both excited and nervous. The pressure is really on, BUT Boss Lady has put in an immensely influential word to the execs, which says that I am a competent, intelligent person, who is quite a promising individual. All true, but this is the first time management has actually said so to other members of management. Usually it's a nice pat on the head for me and some compliments but nothing with any weight or significance to it. Certainly nothing that says to management, "Mike is a valuable employee."

I guess things are really looking up. Last Wednesday I was almost a white-collar criminal, and today I am on my way to earning the title "Company Golden Boy."

Ghost

Well I had a strange experience today. I had a date today with that nice gentlemen I met via F.O.B.'s profile. The date was great. He's a nice guy and a good conversationalist. But what was so strange about it was that he reminded me of my ex. Same expressive eyes, similar smile, same voice, same build, same height, only older and more attractive. It was like being with a ghost. There were times it was hard to look at him and hard to focus. I felt out-of-sorts, as if I had wandered into an alternate dimension.

All in all we had a good time and are planning to see each other again but I am pretty certain that this will not be a lasting thing. Casual sex at best.

Still though, looking into those eyes... hearing that voice... seeing that face... I was overwhelmed with the sense of what could have been between me and my ex, had things turned out differently.

A Few Small Repairs

Today I decided to be a little more productive then I have been of late. And like the Autumn trees dropping their leaves and preparing for a new season, I have been purging and repairing. And while I have only achieved two areas of focus it is still a very good start.

The first was getting rid of old contacts. Periodically it is necessary to go through one's buddy lists and address books and update the names there. I try to do this every few months but am not always successful. As of this afternoon my buddy lists and e-mail address got a thorough scouring. It was harder to delete some entries more than others, but facts are facts, and holding onto dead acquaintances doesn't help me move forward and only clouds the clarity of my thoughts.

The second was updating my online profiles. I took the time to update photos and information. Editing, deleting, and adding until all were once again fairly accurate reflections of myself as I am now.

All in all I am very pleased and feel I have made a wonderful achievement. The hardest part about changing and rearranging is the timetable. You can't do it all at once, so you have to do it in small steps which take time and therefore test patience. Everything happens in the time it needs to happen. I am trying to keep that in mind and just go with it.

Please Don't Eat Me!

Well I had a meeting with my boss to discuss the redesigned page I did. He wasn't sold on the color scheme but he simply LOVES the actual structural redesign. It was exactly what he was looking for and he loved my attention to detail and the subtle nuances that I incorporated into the next. I am a little design genius it's true!

The new content went up this after noon. There was some minor drama along the way with the updated style sheets misbehaving but all was eventually corrected. I sent out the notice, being very pleased with myself, and the company CFO (whose baby this project is) shot me an e-mail complimenting me on the redesign and asking me what the status was on a language issue one of the registration forms for this product. I blanched. I had no idea what she was talking about so I ran to my boss who gave me one of those "oh, yeah BTW" numbers.

The situation wasn't too serious but it meant I had to go and sit with the CFO and go over running usage reports on this service in addition to changing some of its level of interactivity. As you can tell I was not looking forward to this. To be precise I was dreading it and the worst thing was there was no time to prepare. I had to talk to her ASAP!

Normally I wouldn't be too bothered by this sort of thing, but our CFO is a VERY intimidating woman. From here on out she'll be referred to as "Boss Lady." Boss Lady is a very strong, confident, and brusque business woman who knows how to get things done but also knows how to kick back and have a good time (i.e. party hard). Think of Brett Butler (complete with deep and thundering smoker's voice) but more polished and extremely intelligent. She is a nice person but certainly someone you don't want to trifle with.... ever!

I was terrified. This woman scares me! I know she shouldn't but every time I think about her I get these visions of her in the 80's with spiked power-executive-woman shoulder pads, making middle-aged executive men cry at the Board Room table. Not many people intimidate me, but Boss Lady is on top of the list (right next to "Boss Man" the CEO).

As I approached her office (on the very outskirts of the far end of the office) I felt like Beowulf approaching Grendel's layer (only far less prepared). I knocked, she beckoned me in, I sat down, and we got right to work. She is a good egg, I can sense this, and have had it confirmed. But she still frightens me. It was all I could to keep myself from literally shaking in my seat. The entire time I kept thinking "Please don't eat me, please don't fire me" especially when she got impassioned about something. At one point I got a very strange sense of being in a Dilbert strip. She gave me helpful pointers on how to succeed in the company but the way they were phrased (for example, "I don't know what they tell you that department of yours but I'll tell you something...") made them sound like a do or die ultimatum.

By the time I left her office almost and hour and a half later it was all I could do not to collapse in a heap on the floor. I was that strung out. All in all things are good. This project could be my golden egg into getting me noticed, praised, and monetarily rewarded in the future. In essence I could make a name for myself. In truth I am still scared beyond belief that Boss Lady will one day either fire me or eat me!

If only Grendel had worn spiked shoulder pads...

Serendipity

So this morning I treated myself to a tall (small size) café mocha at Starbucks. There was the usually rush hour mob there and I ordered my drink and waited patiently for it to be prepared. Well some woman in front of me had ordered a tall mocha too so the first one to appear on the bar was claimed by her. No biggie. I waited some more and another tall mocha was made, but another woman almost immediately grabbed it and left. I was a little concerned as I had been waiting about 10 minutes and the second woman who just took that mocha had been behind me in line! I was a little irked but I figured I'd just politely ask the barista about how long it would be.

Well before I could the barista looked at me and said, "I'm just waiting for some more cream so I can do your mocha hon." I was surprised and happy about this news so I waited. A few minutes later she puts two venti (the largest size) mochas on the bar and tells me that one is mine.

I couldn't believe it. I had ordered and paid for a tall mocha and got a venti one instead! I wonder if that second woman who I think took my mocha had ordered a venti? Ah, well her loss and my good fortune.

Though in not so serendipitous news I got IMed by F.O.B. again today. How I regret giving him my AIM Screen name. The conversation basically speaks for itself. Maybe this is why the universe gifted me with such a large coffee this morning...

NOTE: This conversation appears in most of its original unedited format. I have tried to add helpfull comments and explainations when possible.

After that he stopped sending messages and after he logged off I decided to block him. It's better this way. He will never move on if he continues to have an avenue to pursue me through and I certainly will never get peace of mine if I don't cut the ties. I have done all that I can.

Though interestingly enough I met a nice gentleman tonight via F.O.B.'s online profile. Serendipity at work again. He apparently still has me on his buddy list and contacted this gentleman via a private message. The guy didn't want to talk to him (smart man!) after seeing his profile but saw me on F.O.B.'s buddy list, was intrigued, and dropped me a line. This all transpired Sunday actually but I just checked my messages tonight. We chatted online for a bit and on the phone and he sounds very nice. We are going to attempt a meeting (crosses his fingers in hopes this one won't stand him up) soon.

On an unrelated note I stopped at the DC branch of my gym tonight after work. This is the first time I have been in a month. I must say I am not entirely happy with the DC branch but the plus side is that my membership has only gone up $3 and now I have access to all the gyms in the tristate area.

I took a Step II class tonight and ended up having to leave because I couldn't keep up. The instructor was good but went too fast and didn't do enough in the way of walking you through the routines like my previous instructor Lynette did (I miss her so much!). I got about halfway through before I finally just threw the towel in. I packed up my step and left. I wasn't the only one and I felt bad about it. But the class just wasn't right for me. This instructor is one of two who teach Step at my new gym so I will try her Step I class.

In the meantime I have e-mailed Lynette to see if she still does Saturday mornings at Reston. It's more of a drive and out of my way on the weekend but work it! *Sigh* The lengths I go to, to get a quality work out.

Downplay. Dismiss. Divert. — The ACDS Super Strategy!

Well wouldn't you know, in case I hadn't already heard about it via TV and newspapers, my elementary alma mater has made absolutely sure that I know about the margarita incident in way of a well crafted letter to all members of the "community." Being an alumnus has its advantages (especially since I don't have to do a damn thing).

I really don't know what to say other than read the official letter that arrived in my mailbox this morning (with my comments in devil red as always).

September 29, 2004

Dear Members of the ACDS Community,

As most of you are aware, there is much publicity [Try national and internet coverage] regarding the incident that occurred on September 10 here at the school [i.e. The Margaritas As Limeade Fiasco]. During that incident, students in third, fourth, and fifth grade were inadvertently exposed to alcohol [Tequila] during lunch. Very few students partook of the beverage [ONLY three grades worth!], most declared it "gross," and thankfully, the exposure was very limited [Note: Relevant truth used as downplay tactic]. We took care to observe the students afterward to ensure that there were no ill effects; none were reported.

We want to ensure full and complete disclosure and communication with you [for fear we may be sued], our constituents [Please don't cut our funding!], and want you to know that we take this occurrence very seriously [as our teaching licenses are at stake!]. We dealt with the initial occurrence swiftly and effectively by disposing of the unused portion of the beverage on the spot [Translation: We drank the rest to steady our nerves for the coming storm], watching the children carefully, and communicating with the parents and the students involved immediately[Translation: We covered our asses and sent a letter home with the kids].

We wish to continue that thread of communicating through this letter [so we have an evidence trail in case you do take legal action] and to assure you that appropriate action was taken and will be taken in the future. We are all embarrassed by this incident [Thank God it was only some tequila and not the wild party photos that got out], but we wish to move forward with our purpose [Look over there, an elephant!], which is to educate our children in a healthy environment of learning [Note: Use of the children as diversionary tactic and parental sucker punch]. We too have learned from this unfortunate episode [Drink up ALL booze before the end of the evening]; alcohol will no longer be served at any on-campus events [Translation: The tuition is going up to pay for future party venues].

If you have any question or concerns [Shouldn't that be "questions" plural?], please do not hesitate to contact me directly [as I am covering my ass from every possible angle]. While the press may enjoy the heat of the spotlight they have turned on ACDS [Which this God forsaken WASP nest so righteously deserves!], know that we are committed to continuing to doing [Um hello, Grammar check!] the right thing by and for our children [Again using the kids as a shield] and you, as members of the community [please, please PLEASE don't sue us or cut our funding!], and that this has not distracted us from our mission [to make money and mold young Alexandrian WASPS for future world domination].

Sincerely,

Alexander Harvey IV
Head of School

Damn Dirty Hippies!

So I was feeling pretty groovy this morning because I got up and out the door on time. I cruised into DC via my regular route and was about 15 minutes from my office when disaster struck. The traffic came to a stand still and basically didn't move at all. This is very unusual. The traffic in DC is worse some times more than others but it always moves. After 20 minutes of trying to turn and move down 18^th Street to my office when I see that the traffic is being diverted. I immediately panicked as I am not familiar with the city and know exactly two ways to get to and from my office, and one of those ways is from MD!! I knew I was close and in what direction I had to go in so I tried to calm myself down and think of an alternate route.

This would have been fine had only 1 street been closed off. But no it was several streets, all of them leading to my office! I started to get very pissed, and as the precious minutes ticked by and I inched and sat in traffic I got even madder. I finally called my office at 8:45 am and told them I as stuck in traffic and I didn¹t know when I would be in. I finally arrived at 10:15!! Over two and a half hours after I was supposed to be at work.

I didn¹t know what was going on, I assumed it was massive ill-timed construction, but whatever it was it was huge. It wasn't until I got to my office that I discovered the reason for the delays was due to the damn dirty hippies that come to DC every year to protest the IMF and World bank meetings.!! It cracks me up how these people are protesting for human rights and yet they are impacting THOUSANDS of innocent commuters by having their volatile little demonstrations.

I am all for free speech and I agree that the IMF and World Bank are not doing third world countries any favors but God damn it that is no reason to close off streets and block traffic up! Because of these selfish little snots I didn't get home until 10 pm!! And why is that? Because with the streets being blocked off I have to take an alternate route home that will take me 5 times longer than my normally direct route home. To ad insult to injury I also had to hang around the city until almost 8 pm so that I wouldn't have to sit in hours of traffic but the route I had to take home is 5 times longer than the standard route anyway! Plus because I got into the parking garage after 10 am I had to pay the full parking fee instead of the early bird special.

I am mad enough to kill. It was a blessing I didn't see any of those little fuckers on the street cause I seriously would have throttled them until they were unconscious! Which reminds me, this stupid college student from Massachusetts backed into me with her car while I was stuck in traffic this morning! This dumb ass cow (yes she was blonde) was letting people get in front of her. Mind you it was bumper-to-bumper traffic and nobody could move and every street was clogged. I was screaming I was so pissed off. And then she attempts to drive forward and rolls into my front license plate because she has a goddamn stick shift!!! She didn't stop or get out of the car and I certainly wasn't going to add to the traffic by getting out. I just screamed at her out of the window and gave her the death glare and showered down on the horn. Come to think of it she was probably one of those filthy little protestors!

I like how one of my coworkers described his distaste for the protestors, "Go take a shower and get out of my commute!"

Drink Up Kids!

OK so I was having a not so great day today. I was feeling fat because I haven't been to the gym in a month and have packed on 10lbs., I was at a loss for something groovy to wear to work and ended up wearing a lavender long-sleeve shirt underneath a grey short-sleeved patterned shirt with black pants. The result was something part Euro and part 80's. I felt like such a dork and nobody actually said they "liked" it.

To make matters worse because I allowed myself to get run down before, after, and during my trip to AWA, I have developed those nasty little white herpes on my tongue. You know the kind you get when you don't get enough sleep. I had one on Monday and they have since multiplied to an agonizing colony of 12 and counting. I am in quite a bit of pain as there isn't anything I can do but let them go away on their own. They burn constantly and are super painful to the touch (maybe this is what I get for being so acid tongued ). I have to stay away from caffeine and anything acidic for a while. Wouldn't you know today was the day the office decided to have a pizza party! *Sigh*

But, all is not grim. For when I came home today I received some news that really made my day. My old Elementary school (we're talking prehistoric, pre-internet history here), Alexandria Country Day School (ACDS), was written up in all the big papers for serving margaritas to 3rd, 4th, and 5th grade students at lunch! I couldn't believe it but it's all true (I find it highly ironic that the same day this happened I attended my company's Happy Hour celebration).

So here's the skinny. Apparently on Wednesday, September 8^th there was a party for the faculty, staff, and the board. Well this party was at the school and somebody put the leftover pitcher of margaritas in the cafeteria fridge. On Friday they ran out of milk and the cafeteria staff mistook the cocktail for limeade and served it to the kids in little paper cups!! Apparently the children didn't like it (they'll soon learn) and after a lot of complaints the teachers finally realized what had happened. The principle fired of a letter immediately to the parents and sent it home.

I have been waiting almost 2 decades for this kind of karma-like justice. This school and my fellow alums were responsible for so many of my childhood scars that I can't help but howl with laughter. This is an incident, while innocent, that won't soon be forgotten. And yes like all bitter, twisted individuals I have vowed to one day attend one of their alumni functions… just as soon as I get myself completely fabulous and established that is!

And last but not least, because I'm such a little net savvy techie, I have gotten my hot little hands on a copy of the letter sent home to parents by the principle. And unlike the CBS Bush documents this one is authentic (minus the the comments in red which are mine). Enjoy!

September 10, 2004

Dear Third, Fourth, and Fifth Grade Parents:

It is with great regret that I tell you that your child may have been exposed to alcohol today at lunch [And here you were worried about lead in the drinking fountain water]. The following situation transpired: At noon, we ran out of milk as we were serving lunch to the middle school students. We had a quick [cigarette] break before the elementary division was to arrive and someone [Our imported third world labor who barely speak English] looked in the refrigerator and suggested that we offer limeade [You mean assumed "limeade"] that was left over from an earlier event. They put the [quote on quote] limeade in Dixie cups and gave it to the students who purchased lunch in the third, fourth, and fifth grades, who sipped it and said that it didn't taste good[They may be kids but they know cheap tequila when they taste it!]. An administrator [i.e. Some teacher who was actually watching the kids instead of standing around gossiping] became aware of the situation and started asking where the limeade came from. It was determined that it was some leftover [cheap] margarita mix (with tequila) from a before-school Mexican board/faculty/staff dinner [i.e. Fat Cat Formal]. We quickly collected all of the cups and saw that although some small sips had been taken; none were emptied [by the children. We on the other hand started slugging the shit down as soon as we could to calm our nerves].

The teachers did not know what had happened until we quietly told them what had occurred [Translation: There were too many witnesses for us to simply cover this up so we had to come clean. Otherwise you'd never have known]. We have watched the children from 12:00 to 2:45 p.m. [i.e. The kids went back to class and were expected to learn as if nothing had happened] and none appear to have been affected. But we want you to know and to keep your eyes and ears open. We want to sincerely apologize [just in case one or more of you are considering taking legal action]. I am embarrassed and deeply sorry that this happened [God, please don't let me lose my teaching lisence over this!].

As of 2:00 p.m. today [That's when we finally finished off the pitcher in the Teacher's Lounge], we will not serve or store any alcohol on this campus [So much for the free and convenient keg venue]. ACDS events on campus will not include any alcohol [and thus be even more boring and insufferable than they already are]. Faculty parties will be held off campus [which means your tuition rates are going up to pay for this added expense]. Again, I am sincerely sorry [Please don't sue us!]. We have spoken to each grade and told them what happened. We ask the students to be honest and admit their mistakes [So we can shame and punish them], and we should do the same [Which is a total crock of shit but we'll say anything to save our asses]. If you have any questions, please feel free to call me at home [I'll be screening the calls while doing shots and listening to Jimmy Buffet albums] at ###-###-#### or come in to see me next week [But seriously don't bother me with your calls or visits].

Please accept our apology and know that this will not happen again [Translation: PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE Don't take legal action against us!].

Sincerely,

Alexander Harvey IV
Head of School

Anime Weekend Atlanta 2004

My trip to Anime weekend Atlanta was in a word, incredible. I saw so much and at long last saw and met Mari Iijima! That was the best part and the #1 focus of my going down there. Despite the craziness it was all worth it.

I left at 5 am on Friday, the 24^th. Keep in mind that I live about 10 miles outside of Washington, DC so I had to basically drive down from the top of VA to get to the NC border, then drive diagonally on Route 85 across NC (about 400 miles) just to get to SC and then GA. Needless to say it was a very long and exhausting trip. If you don¹t encounter much traffic or difficulty it takes about 9.5 hours. It took me over 13 hours to get there because of reduced speed zones in North and South Carolina due to construction and then I hit rush hour traffic when I crossed the Georgia border. I was very frazzled by the time I reached the hotel at 5:45 pm.

I did see a lot of fun things on the way though such as a water tower designed to look like a giant peach! On my way back on Sunday I took some snapshots from the side of the road. It was just too fab to be passed up.

Also when I was sitting in traffic 30 miles from the hotel, a trailer full of horses started jamming to the Mio compilation CD I was playing! I kid you not. I had the windows down and the volume turned up and thy started whinnying and stamping their hooves (apparently they really liked the song Oblivion). Every time my car moved away from them, they settled down, but whenever my car was back in alignment with them, they got all excited and started whinnying again at me and stamping their feet to the rock   roll rhythms. I made sweet cooing noises at them. They were so cute!!

Once I got to the hotel it was rush, rush, rush! I was like #6 in line and I as really sweating the time because Mari's concert was at 7pm and I still had to register for the convention. I know I should have pre-registered. Next time definitely! Fortunately the line to the right of me opened up completely (because 3 of the 4 people who were in it were with another woman who was in my line!) so I dived into it (literally). People were looking at me like I was a crazed maniac (which I was at that point). I answered the desk clerk's frightened look with, "I'm sorry but I've been in a car for 13 hours. My patience is gone!" She was such a sweetie and processed me at the speed of light. As soon as I had my keycard I dashed off to the elevators and to my room.

The room was fabulous! A luxury business suite with two TVs, a king-sized bed, mini fridge, deluxe bathroom, and had a whole bunch of little extras including an ironing board, iron, PC ports and keyboards, and a hair dryer. It was the kind of tricked up hotel room you know Ken ended up in after Barbie kicked his ass out of the mansion.

I threw my 20 pounds of luggage on the floor, stripped off my clothes and did a whirlwind cleanup. I had exactly one hour before Mari's concert started and I hadn't even registered!

I got to the hotel and wandered about in a frenzy looking for the registration desk. I finally found it and after a 10 minute wait in line as all set. I was starving and my head was spinning from the adrenaline rush. It was 20 minutes to show time and a line was already forming so I had no other choice but to get in line and wait.

I noticed that the majority of the people in line were young. In fact most of the concert attendees were very young, most barely 21. Where were the people my age and older, I wondered. Mari is a legend and a large portion of her supporters are 30 and over. It made me question how many of these children even knew who she was. This question was answered almost as instantly as I pondered it because a gentleman in his 40's asked me it out loud. I said that I wasn't and how could you be an Anime fan and NOT know who Mari Iijima was.

And because life is like that, this "I want to be Avril Lavigne" (I swear she had the bad hair and mascara and everything!) child in front of me she was practically a fetus!) turns around in a clueless Britney Spears-esque way says, "Oh, I don't know who she is. I'm just here 'cause it's J-Pop."

If I hadn't been using the last of my resources to keep myself from collapsing from exhaustion I would have bludgeoned her to death right there and then and stuffed the body some place nobody would find it. I was shocked to hear this, and apparently she wasn't the only clueless one in the crowd. The majority of these "new" Otaku only knew Anime through the bad dubs shown on Cartoon and Anime Network. Anything not on those channels is too far for their limited minds to look for. But I digress...

At a little past 7pm the doors opened and we all filled into the Grand Ballroom where they had a stage set up. The program said it was a two hour concert and as I looked around the room I was filled with a sense of awe and wonder. I tried to imagine the room stuffed with people all clamoring to see Mari perform. I got a chair ten seats back from the stage, which was super close. I marveled at the sight of her keyboard in the stage light.

As I slowly turned 360 degrees and observed the room, it became harder and harder to envision the room crowded with people, because there were only 50-75 in the entire place!!! My jaw dropped. The ballroom was three-fourths empty!!!! How could this be. This is Mari Iijima we're talking about here! The woman who WAS Lynn Minmay! The voice that sold a million gold singles and inspired 100 different variant fansubs of the film Do You Remember Love?!

It was in that moment that I was overwhelmed by a profound sadness. The old days were really gone. 6 years ago I would have been lucky to have gotten a seat so close given my late arrival. Every chair in the house would have been filled with dozens of people standing in the back and to the sides and many sitting in the isles. Where were the fans that remembered!? Where were the fans that cared? Gone. They were all almost completely gone. Swallowed by the sea of greasy adolescences following the latest American Pop Culture fad without any independent thought or appreciation. As I looked around I saw a few faces from the faithful old guard. People who remember the golden age of Anime, when the genre was more obscure and the quality was very high.

I took a deep breath and composed myself. I was here to see Mari. This was her moment as much as it was mine. At long last one of my greatest dreams was coming true. I was at last seeing Mari Iijima perform live and at the end of the evening would be meeting her face to face.

We all took our seats and the con staff closed the ballroom doors. An excited murmur went through the crowd as we spotted her wandering amongst us handing out brochures for her new album, Wonderful People. I felt like such a rabid fan boy when she stood within two feet of me and handed the gentleman sitting next to me a few brochures to hand down.

After a few minutes Mari took the stage and began her first song, I Miss You. It was incredible. Her voice was so pure and resonate. Just Mari and her keyboard. Her fingers dancing across the keys, pouring her heart and soul into every note that she sang. I couldn't stop smiling. The feeling was magical.

She continued with the songs Unspoken Love and Complete from her new album Wonderful People. Both are beautiful songs but when I heard the melody and lyrics of Complete I started crying. So beautiful, and so moving. It touched upon a secret truth I have held deep within myself for sometime now. It was as if my own private thoughts and emotions had been given a form in the shape of this song.

After her last two songs, Mari amused us with some Macross anecdotes then performed her signature song from the series, Do You Remember Love? It was beautiful but sad in a way. Her vocal range has decreased slightly simply from twenty years of concert performing, which happens to all artists. Don't get me wrong, she is still spectacular! No, what was really sad was the lack of, well, orchestration. Everyone at the concert who knew that song know it by the studio version used in the film and on the soundtrack. While the keyboard was pretty, it felt so stripped. We all enjoyed it nontheless, but for those of us who remember the past, it was very bitter-sweat.

Her next two songs were LAX and Survivor from her 2003 release, Silent Love. For these she put on a CD that contained the full orchestrations minus the keyboard and vocal cords. She admitted that she was switching to the CD because it was a little more exciting. I felt a little bad for her since the audience wasn't being more responsive. But I must say she is a trooper. She didn't let it get her down. Even when a number of people left during the middle of the show she didn't let it phase her. She even joked and said to them as they left, "It's OK. I don't mind, really. Don't feel bad about it." She is an angel. One day I want to be a person of that kind of accepting strength and purity.

The CD did help and added just enough to enhance an already wonderful performance. She then told us about her next song, Unspeakable, and how she came to write it. I had heard a clip from the song on her website a while back but not the whole thing. It was beautiful and true to Mari's tradition, very poignant.

Only an hour had passed but she announced that the next song was her last one. This was so we would all have time to meet her and get her autograph. The name of the song was I Can't Hide, and it is also from her new album. I was enraptured when it started. The melody was so beautiful and smooth, the lyrics engaging. But by the time she finished the first stanza I was no longer enraptured but transfixed. The lyrics and what she was saying with the melody and meaning of the song, was exactly what I had gone through with my ex. The unanswered phone calls, the awkward messages. The feeling of loving someone so much it hurts yet being separated by distance and missed opportunities. Every lyric gave words to feelings and thoughts that I never before had been able to express. I sat there unmoving, tears streaming down my face, and yet smiling and feeling so content. The experience was breath taking. My pain felt vindicated in a way, and I was comforted by the feeling that I was not the only one who had experienced that kind of lonely desperation. I clapped so hard when she finished my hands stung.

The 13 hour drive, the mad rush, even the sad observations, were all part of this incredible moment. Everything had been building to this perfect synthesis. There simply aren't enough words to describe just how phenomenal it was.

After the concert I stood in line and met Mari. She was awesome and even recognized me by my name from my posts on her website. She was so awesome. I took a picture of her and got a shot with her. I told her I'd e-mail them to her as soon as I downloaded them from my camera. After the show I had dinner in the hotel restaurant. I would later come to find out had I stuck around Mari would have invited me to tea or coffee!!!! She wrote me a lovely e-mail when she got back to L.A. hoping I had a safe trip home and that she enjoyed meeting me.

The rest of the weekend was less eventful but just as fun. I had no desire to partake of the other convention activities. Hell, there really wasn't anything to partake of really. All of the viewing rooms were showing shows from Carton and Anime network. I did go to the dealer's room and came away with two beautiful posters. The first was a Macross movie poster and the other was a Macross movie poster and the other was a Cat's Eye poster. I was very happy with these finds and they were very affordable.

No, instead of wasting my time at the convention, I hung out with Ryan who lives in the area. It was good seeing him and we spent hours just chatting and doing much of nothing. It was so wonderful and relaxing. On Saturday night we watched Kill Bill Vol. 1, which I had never seen before. What an awesome film! I didn't think it would be any good. But WOW was it violent. I screamed during one scene and Ryan was like, "Dude! You can't do that or you'll get arrested!" I couldn't help it, the scene took me by surprise.

All in all I had a fabulous weekend. It was just what I need, but very tiring. I'm hoping to have a quiet week this week.

An Unpleasant Situation

Well I got an instant message today from F.O.B. Dear God, today was busy enough as is, without this. The conversation speaks for itself. Take a look:

NOTE: This conversation appears in most of its original unedited format. I have tried to add helpfull comments and explainations when possible.

There was some silence for a bit and then he logged off. I really hope he got it now that things aren't going to work out. With any luck I'm free. *Sigh* Maybe I really am just a sucker...

Pandora's Boat

At last I have obtained the Saki Takaoka CD-Single Bara to Dokuyaku (trans: Roses And Poison) which has the hard to find non-remixed version of Pandora's Boat from Megazone 23 III!!! This CD-Single was the only release format of this song. The version of Pandora's Boat used on the soundtrack and vocal collections was the remixed version. Both versions were used in the film, but the original, non-remixed version is the one used for the ending credits of Act 1 of Megazone 23 III. This CD-Single also includes karaoka versions of Roses And Poison and Pandora's Boat!

I am very, very excited!!! I have been looking for this CD-Single for a very long time, and very trusted secret source of mine finally got one in stock. Best of all it was DIRT CHEAP and in excellent condition! Can't beat that.

I was worried that it wouldn't arrive from Japan in time for my trip to Anime Weekend Atlanta, but it did. I am going to use it to make my own Megazone 23 vocal collection CD. This CD has only the songs actually used in the series. I will later burn a disc that has all of the series songs plus the image songs. Right now I just want a disc with all of the series songs on it in the order in which they appear in the series. Boku wa Otaku...

For those of you who are interested the track listing for my CD is:

1. Sentimental Behind My Back
2. Lullaby Of The Wind
3. Tomorrow Blues
4. You Can't Sleep Alone
5. Lonely Sunset
6. Please Tell Me The Secret
7. Tragic Idol
8. Breakpoint
9. Pandora's Boat —Remix Version—
10. Sleepless Beauty In The Woods
11. Pandora's Boat

Tracks 1-3, 5, 6 Performed By: Kumi Miyasato
Track 4 Performed By: Yuka Takeuchi
Tracks 7, 9-11 Performed By: Saki Takaoka
Track 8 Performed By: Takeshi Kusao & Nozomu Sasaki

The front and back cover for the Roses And Posion CD-Single look like this:

F.O.B: Fresh Off The Boeing

Oh my God!!! I am cursed! There is just no two ways about it. As you can guess my little "date" with The Man In The Orange Cap did not go well. I expected there to be problems but not like this. Jesus... On a scale of 1 to 10 in bizarreness this experience was a 20!

So I get there at the appointed time and he is waiting... in a YELLOW cap. A bright, merrigold yellow cap. Later I pointed this out to him and he said that he had said in our conversation that he said he'd be wearing an orange OR yellow cap. I don't remember that but whatever.

He looked exactly like his photos online and the language barrier was 10 times worse than being online and typing. Apparently he understands more English than he speaks. He's been in this country 2 years (in essence, he is fresh off the Boeing) and has recently started to learn more English (is taking classes) and lives in a house with all of his relatives who have immigrated here. He is looking into going to college but doesn't know what to study yet and is currently employed at McDonalds.

I am not a snob people, but there is no denying that he and I live in completely opposite worlds. I knew after 10 minutes that this wasn't going to work even on a friends level. We had absolutely nothing in common other than (my) sympathy and (his) neediness. And yet I still went through with it anyway. I felt obligated. After all, he is a human being too and being new to this country needs all the positive experiences he can get. God I am such a sap.

After the initial 10 minutes I tell him that I am hungry and we should get lunch. He doesn't know DC at all. This is his first time here. That explains why he got lost on the Metro system coming to metro Center. I asked him what he wants to eat to which replies whatever I want. I told him I didn't care let's walk around and go into some place that looks good. He didn't understand. After another 10 minutes of trying to talk this out we end up on the train heading towards where I live 20 minutes away. He wanted to go someplace near my Metro stop. As he put it, "I go where you go." The sweet naivety of this new American addition was quickly wearing thin on me. I wanted to grab the emergency break on the train, pry the doors open, and run screaming down the tracks.

By the time we got to my stop and got into my car I was light headed from hunger and my blood sugar was dropping fast. I got very loopy at the wheel which almost got us killed when I cut this man off after missing a turn. We ended up at Bennigan's because it was the first restaurant I saw that I could get into easily. I felt horrible, as I knew it would be fairly pricey for him. After all he is an assistant manager at McDonalds, he's not exactly raking it in. So guilt ridden me feeling this entire situation was my fault decided that I would pick up the check. Fortunately that didn't happen as he had plenty of cash on-hand and insisted on paying his half. I was relieved.

Lunch was just as awkward. After helping him with his selection I decided what I wanted. He asked me what I was ordering (he was getting a steak) and when I told him that I was getting a chicken salad he says, "No light! You eat something heavy. More grease." After firmly establishing my chicken salad choice I excused myself and went to the bathroom where I immediately called D and left her a half crazed message before composing myself and going out for round 2. Once back at the table the waitress came and I ordered for both of us (he wasn't comfortable ordering). She thought it odd and gave us funny looks until she realized he was ESO. Lunch went well and afterwards we went and sat in my car.

It was 3-something by this time and I figured it was high time I take him back to the Metro and end things. He wanted to talk and be alone. I got a little wavering in my decision to end things. Then he proceeds to tell me how he likes being here with me because he is free and can talk to me without his family knowing. I abandoned all hope of getting rid of him quickly. He then asked if it was ok if he could hold my hand. I let him, thinking it was harmless. He got more emotionally open (well as open as he could express in limited broken English). My guilt factor increased 100 fold.

After a while some unsavory types started hanging about so I told him we had to leave. He asked why and I told him because of "homophobia." I knew he understood the word homophobia as he had used it in a conversation at the Metro station. I asked him where he wanted to go and he said someplace with trees. I said, "a park?" and he said, "yes." So we went to the park and sat in my car in the parking lot there in almost non-existent privacy. Mind you we could have gone to the pool parking lot down the road where we would have been completely alone.

We talked some more and then things went further down hill. He wanted to kiss me. I faltered. We agreed beforehand to no sex and I knew this was only making matter worse if I let him kiss me. But he is so lonely and desperate for any kind of attention and reaffirmation that I felt it would be too cruel to reject him. After all how could I make him understand when he barely speaks any English!!!

So what did I do? I let him kiss me once which turned and holding followed by a few more kisses that was extremely stressful as I kept having to watch out for homophobic Latinos coming from the soccer field we were parked at and potential police cruisers. He noticed my discomfort and wanted to know why I kept looking around. I did my best to explain but damn it how do you convey to someone who barely understand the language PDA Laws and the possibility of being attached because we're being openly Gay in a not very safe public place?!?!

After 20 minutes he asks me to go to a hotel with him. He offered even to pay. I put my foot down and said no. He tried to persuade me but I remained firm. He then said, "OK, maybe next time we meet." I told him "not until you get tested." He had told me during one of our conversations that afternoon that he had never been tested and that his first boyfriend died several years ago from AIDS. He also told me he used condoms most of the time. When I told him no sex until you get tested he faltered. He doesn't want to get tested, is afraid of the results but is sure he is clean. I said I didn't care I wasn't taking any chances. He then tells me he is HIV positive then quickly says he is kidding. That was the last straw. I wanted to just open the door, push him out, and drive away but I didn't. I told him that is not a joke and it was time to take him back to the Metro.

I dropped him off at the station and said my goodbyes. Unfortunately I didn't say, "It was nice meeting you but I can't see you anymore." I just didn't know how to say it in a way that he would understand and not get his feelings hurt. Maybe I am being too nice. Or stupid. Urgh! One thing is clear, I have to tell him and soon. Whether I like it or not this is one ship I have to let sink.

Eat, Drink, And Be Unsociable

I went to happy hour tonight with some of my co-workers. Miriam and I were due to have dinner as she is moving to Rhode Island on Sunday. I invited her to join my coworkers and I at the bar. She did so and we had a rather interesting time.

Anyway, there were about 10 of us who came. We were having a very good time. Shortly into it another coworker, whom I will refer to as "The Princess," joined us. The Princess is a rather conceited, icy individual who views herself as superior to others and is guilty of using her speaker phone constantly at the highest setting with her office door open so we can all hear her. My office is adjacent to hers so you can imagine my level of annoyance.

When The Princess showed up she was wearing her typical pained expression of tolerance on her face and did a general "Hi" then quickly followed it up with, "I have some other friends joining me." This wouldn't have been a problem as the invitation that was sent out encouraged us to bring guests. However, in The Princess's speak this was essentially a line in the sand. We are good enough to work with but certainly not suitable to fraternize with on an in-depth level socially.

She proceeded to sit by herself at a table behind ours until the first of her entourage of friends showed up. He gave us all a "how unfortunate we have to sit near the peasants" look before engaging in heavy conversation with The Princess. It wasn't long before her other 7 or 8 friends showed up. When they did, The Princess graced our table with her presence by connecting another table to it so she and her court could have their own group conversation.

I couldn't believe what I was seeing. If she was going to act so incredibly pompous and be uncomfortable with the setup why did she showed up for the happy hour in the first place? I couldn't imagine she would have anything to do with us outside of the office and apparently that isn't too far from the truth. While she did technically attend happy hour she certainly didn't waste any of her royal time on us.

You know that shit is just trifling. If you're a snob chances are you aren't going to change but you know what, don't show up to other people's affairs if you don't want to have anything to do with them and then act shitty. That is just tacky. A truly classy individual knows how to navigate around such situations as this. Just goes to show you that once again, no matter how hard they try, self-absorbed Washingtonians are some of the most classless people you will ever encounter.

Road Rage Thy Name Is Angry Gay Man

As I get older it seems I become more of a sucker for lost souls and more of an ultra bitch whenever I am behind the wheel of a car. Today as you might have guessed was even WORSE than yesterday..

The commute time is picking up a lot. Gone are the days of the 30-minute, bumper-to-bumper traffic. Now it's 45-minutes of bumper-to-bumper traffic. And starting next week and after it should be climbing to a solid hour. Oh, joy!!!.

But yes, so I sat in aggravating traffic. For those of you unfamiliar with my commute, I have to take Route 50 from VA into DC. My crossover point to get into the District is the Roosevelt Bridge, which is VERY packed and dotted with exit ramps, so it is always a jammed zoo. The ramp to get onto the Roosevelt Bridge from Route 50 goes from 2 lanes to 1 lane. I don't know who the brilliant idiot was who thought this scheme up, but if I ever meet him or her I am going to throttle them. Because it goes from 2 lanes to 1 means that everyone in the left lane has to merge into the right lane. This results in a MASSIVE bottle necking on the ramp that stretches all the way down Route 50.

Well, this morning I had gotten into the right hand lane ahead of time so I wouldn't have to worry about merging. Now you'd think that the majority of the commuters from VA would know this by now and would just get into the right lane and wait patiently. But no. Instead all the people in the left lane run it right up until the very end, which delays the traffic even more and just pisses people off in general. So I'm sitting in the right lane and finally get up to where the left lane runs out. There are 2 cars in the left lane next to me. I let the first one in and start to move forward so that the second guy can get in behind me. This is how it is supposed to work, one-for-one and all that shit. This FUCKER decides he is going ahead of me no matter what and continues to keep driving forward. I knew better than to get pissed and play chicken with him, but damn it his time was not more important than mine and he could just damn well wait his turn like the rest of us. So I pulled up, look him in the face and shake my head to tell him, "No." That motherfucker just sneered at me and kept going. So all the way up the ramp we road the bumper of the guy in front of us, damn near causing an accident. I was madder than Hell by the time he FINALLY decided to concede and stopped his car and got behind me (BTW the person behind me was deliberately leaving room for this Jack Ass to get in, too!!).

I was seriously in a rage by the time I got to the office. It did finally subside after an hour but it was not a good way to start my morning. Fortunately I still had that bloody manual to work on, so I threw myself into trying to finish it. I didn't finish it but the day went on without much of a problem (except Princess J's continued use of her obnoxious speaker phone) so I can't complain there too much..

I left the office around 5:30 pm or so and picked up my car from the garage. The exit to the garage dumps out onto the left lane of a one-way street. I need the far right lane as my turn is literally at the next intersection (about half a block down). If I pull out into the left lane it is nearly impossible to get into the right lane in time, so I always wait and just pull out and cross all three lanes at once. This isn't generally a problem as people tend to leave room to let the cars from the garage exits. I sat there for 10 MINUTES trying to get in! 10 MINUTES!!! The garage was backed up with angry commuters who couldn't even get out and I was mad enough to kill. I finally had to just pull out and block two lanes of traffic and cut someone off just to get over, all the while screaming the most vulgar profanities at excessively high volumes. Worse still the windows were down so every Washingtonian on that block, be they in cars or on foot, heard my demented psychotic rantings and got VERY scared. When I realized that they had heard me I became very embarrassed and then angrier because I had become a public spectacle. *Sigh*.

BTW, while I was working on a tech manual this afternoon, Mr. Orange Cap, who stood me up Saturday, sent me an instant message. I had been pretty diligent in my work so I took a little break to chat with him for a few minutes. He had sent me an apology e-mail a few days early (he got lost on his way to the station which is why he didn't show up) and wants to try and meet again. So I agreed to meet him at the same place, same time, this Saturday with the condition that if he stands me up again I won't give him a third chance. In a way now I wish I had just said in my e-mail to him that he blew it the first time around and to just leave me alone. I really don't want to meet him, but I feel guilty because he seems nice enough and just naive and suffering from cultural comprehension. God I am such a magnet and sucker for lost lambs. I think there is an important lesson I need to learn here...

Peace of Mind

It never ceases to surprise me when life delivers the answers to the questions that have been eating me for so long in one quick epiphany. Maybe Saturday's melancholic moaning helped bring it to a head. Who knows? All I know is that I have finally realized what I should have realized all along about the pain my ex left me with. The answer to my deep burning question of did I matter or not is a) not a complete answer and b) more of a state of mind.

Fact A: I don't know if I mattered to him both then and even now. I will more than likely never know. And that is ok, because it really isn't important.

Fact B: What is important is that it doesn't matter if I mattered to him but whether or not I matter to my true soul mate and the one who really loves me and appreciates me for who I am and treats me as an equal.

Fact C: It is his loss not mine. There wasn't anything I did that made him break up with me (he actually told me that) so I shouldn't get so upset. He lost a damn good man, and I gained valuable insight I never would have gained otherwise.

So even if I didn't matter it isn't important, it makes no difference. Because I do matter to the one who I will eventually partner with and marry. No matter how long it takes to find him or what obstacles have to be overcome in the mean time. Love is worthwhile, and love is never a waste. The only waste is not knowing the true value of love when you have it and still not seeing it once you have thrown it away.

I knew on the day things where discussed and ended permanently that my ex wasn't my soul mate. That we weren't meant to be together for the rest of our lives. I think in a way I always knew it, but didn't want to believe it. We were such a good fit, how could he not be the one? I accepted the fact we weren't meant to be together then but I didn't fully understand or appreciate the profoundness of that. I believe everything happens for a reason, and now I understand even more what the reasons behind this situation.

And with that being said and done I can set myself free and fully move on with my life. Faith, love, and healing are beautiful things. Never lose sight of the goal and try not to overlook the abundant treasures that lay before you just below the vision of your eyes.

Flake or Fuckwit?

Yesterday afternoon after I came home and was in a funk I get an e-mail from a member of the dating service I use who wants to add me to his buddy list. This is a bit odd as I don't know who he is and he didn't send an e-mail saying that he read my profile and was interested.

I click on the click and read over his profile. I like what I see. He's an ex-marine, 36, naturally blonde, 5'11", quite cute and looking to settle down. He seems not in love with himself and shares many of the same interests and philosophies that I do. Our profiles were near perfect matches. As you can imagine I am very excited about this but at the same time have my doubts. He's almost too perfect. The cynic in me instantly starts wonder what could be wrong with him.

I decide to shoot him an e-mail after approving the buddy request. What the Hell, he's one of the best-looking men to come my way yet, and even if I just get him into bed it will be well worth it (or so I hope). I have a history of dating very plain or simply unattractive men at all. It's not that I deliberately pick them it's just that many of the ones with the best personalities aren't beauty contestants. Which is fine. I can be very materialistic and hung up on physical beauty but the older I get the less importance these things have as compared to the beauty of the inner individual.

But on the same note, I would like to date and bed a hottie for once. I know it's a vain fantasy, but damn it I want to have my one brush with untouchable beautiful people greatness. I don't know why I am so bent on achieving this. I think it has a lot to do with my personal image and self-esteem/ego issues. Anyways, I digress.

So I approve the buddy request and send him an e-mail saying that I read his profile and would like to do lunch or dinner sometime if he's interested. He e-mails me back a few hours later and gives me his number. So I call him and we chat for a few minutes. And this where the reality starts setting in.

He tells me that he lives near Dupont Circle, Gay Mecca and flake central of DC. I knew there was something wrong with him and this was apparently a good start o finding out just what those defects were. If he's THIS pretty, THIS athletic, SINGLE, AND living in that area something must definitely be wrong with him. Chances are he really is shallow and self absorbed or simply flakier than grandma's homemade apple pie crust.

He couldn't talk long as he was off to visit a friend in the hospital. He seems very nice and charming though and says that he'll call me Sunday night and we can do dinner then. I agree with this and hang up contented.

Well, I get up today and set about doing the things I intended to do. The big one being washing my beloved Cherry Popper as it was filthy on the outside and the interiors needed serious scrubbing as it was taking on an unpleasant combo of sweat and fast food. I am proud of my car and the very clean levels to which I generally keep it. It had fallen under those marks and had been lacking for quite sometime so now was the time to do it.

I spent 3 hours scrubbing my car inside and out and making it beautiful and aromatic. Of course once I finished washing the outside it started to rain but that's the ironic breaks of life. At least the damn thing was clean. Well by this time it is 6:30 pm and I have still not heard from this guy, which I find very unnerving. So I decide to call him thinking that perhaps he forgot. The phone rings a few times and I get his voice mail, which more than likely means he has the phone off. Terrific. So I leave a message and then leave send him an e-mail reiterating what I said it my voicemail just for good measure. I decide right there and then to give him until 7:30 pm to call me back if not I am going to Wendy's and finishing out the rest of my evening.

In the mean time I take a shower and shave just in case he calls that way I am half ready. 7:30 pm rolls around, nothing. I give him until 7:45pm, still nothing. 7:50 pm I grab my keys and go to Wendy's, blaring very angry "men are stupid" rock music in my wake.

I am getting really fucking sick of this shit! Why is it that these ASSHOLES keep chatting me up and then not following through!?! Am I like the number one best Gay man to stand up for a date or something!!! GRRRRRRRR I tried to be reasonable and think, "Well, maybe his friend in the hospital died or got worse." But you know what when someone leaves you a voice message AND an e-mail you can at least call them back or write back and say "Something came up let me get back to you."

I can't decide if this guy is a fuckwit or just a flake. It's really hard to tell. For all his butch looks he was quite soft spoken and borderline effeminate on the phone and had a sort of dreaminess to his speech. It makes me wonder. After all fuckwits generally aren't airheads like flakes. *Sigh* If I had the time or inclination I would conduct a poll and see what you all think. Maybe I'll do that eventually. For now, talk amongst yourselves and let me know if you come up with any interesting philosophies of your own.

Looking For A Man In An Orange Cap

What is it about men standing me up!?!?! Is there a bulls eye on my forehead with the words "Victim For Standup" written under it?! If you don't want to meet someone don't fucking ask them out, follow up with ardent e-mails telling them not forgetting to show up, then bloody well not appear yourself! Or maybe that's it, maybe it's all just a very clever and devious plot to make sure the person doesn't forget to show up so they can be stood up! UGH!

So here's the scoop, two weeks ago I was updating my profile on the dating service I use. I am literaly logged on less than 5 seconds and this guy from Maryland IMs me. Nothing new, no biggie. Well he's Latino, recently out of a relationship of 5 years, AND doesn't speak and understand English very well. To top it off he starts making very strange and disturbing conversation that contains such phrases as, "I like you," "you pretty. I like you a lot," and my favorite "I do anything for you. I go to college for you." Can I attract 'em or what?

Despite my better judgment I continued to talk to him. After all how do you tell someone who barely understands English, "You're creeping me out, goodbye," and make sure they understand why you are saying it? He was so sad and pathetic that soft hearted (more like soft headed) me felt bad for him and wanted to give him a chance. After all if the tables were turned I'd want the person I was talking to be patient and understanding about the language barrier.

So we go on this way in very broken, hard to understand English, with me occasionally using a free web translator to communicate some of my replies in basic Spanish. I currently only speak two languages: English and body language. And the latter is harder to communicate through the internet.

So after almost an hour of conversation we agree to meet at Metro Center, on the Glenmont platform at noon. We'll talk face to face and do lunch. I told him in no uncertain terms that I want friendship not sex. He agreed and said that he wanted the same thing. I figured this wouldn't be a pretty situation anyway and that it would be easier to deal with things live rather than over the net. I don't like to hurt feelings, despite the nasty things I say to and about people in this blog.

Well, every few days leading up to today I have gotten an e-mail from him reminding me not to forget. The last one I received was last night and in it he says he'll be wearing an orange cap. I knew what he looked like from his photo and with it being Labor Day weekend the station wouldn't be crowded so his wearing the orange cap was perfect. There would be no way for me to miss him. Besides, how many men are running about the city in orange caps these days anyway? Apparently more than I thought. In the hour I stood around waiting I saw 5 men in orange caps (and one in an orange bandanna) and none of then were him. By the time 1PM rolled around I was so pissed off I could have killed the first person to come within arms reach.

I don't appreciate having my time wasted like that. Fortunately I had to shop at H&M for some new clothes so I decided to go to Union Station for lunch and then return to Metro Center and shop at H&M.

The shopping was quite good, although had I gotten up earlier and gone at 11 like I had planned and not waited until 2pm the store would have been empty. In the hour I spent shopping I came in contact with no fewer than 6 pretty, Gay-DC male couples. Most were nice to me and some of them even eyed me up in a favorable way, but the whining, prissiness, and self-absorption irritated the shit out of me. Not to mention I am a disgruntled singleton, so being subjected to all these happy, loving, committed, couples shopping together and being all sweet and endearing just set me off.

Let's face it, I have made a lot of progress in the 3 months since the man I hoped to grow old with told me "I don't love you" and then vanished from my life completely (So much for his, "let's be friends" line) but damn it I still have issues! Serious issues!. I have accepted that things didn't work out and that we weren't meant to be together. I don't want him back yet at the same time the entire situation still hurts like Hell. I don't exactly want a relationship at the moment (if one comes by fine, whatever), and while I don't lack for sexual partners (OTHER MEN know a good thing when they have it!), there is very much a part of me that is lonely. VERY lonely. And very sad too. I miss that feeling of security and knowing that you have each other. I miss all the little things that come with being committed to one person, to building a life with someone. When the one you love just walks away from that and leaves you there without so much as an umbrella to shelter you from the rain it makes you ask yourself, "Did I even matter? Did you ever really care about me at all?" I still don't understand how a person can do that, I really don't.

Love changes and drifts away. People come together and break up. It happens every day. Nothing unnatural about it. But when good things come to a bad end both parties should take more responsibility in ending it well. No lies, no games, no empty sentiments. Just straight up honesty and communication. Even if that honesty and communication is painful to the receiver. It's not right to lead people on and give them false hope. There is a way to say goodbye, and doing so in a cold and callous manner is not the way. Be better than the person next to you. If you're going to break up with someone do it with honor, dignity, and compassion. The other party involved deserves at least that much.

Welcome To Washington

Today I started my new job. After all the build up it is hard to believe that this is reality. I know it's only my first day and all but I am really loving my new company and job. Most everyone is so friendly and the environment is very positive and very productive. This really is a good move.

The commute is not as bad as I had thought it would be. I don't like getting up early but it is manageable and the train ride is only about 20 minutes and the station is a block away from my building. Don't know how I'll like the outdoor walking though come wintertime but I'll manage.

And speaking of the outdoors, I received the most wonderful "Welcome to DC" greeting from the local loonies. I am no stranger to the city but when you go from visiting the city on the weekends to working in it during the weekdays you see a whole new level that before was only hinted at.

This is most notably true of the soapbox religious fundamentalists. I was walking along the side of small park and on the corner of the park closest to the crosswalk is a man with a megaphone (he might have been a Jehovah's Witness, certainly sounded like it) declaring that the world is ending soon and we all will need to repent or forever be cast into the fiery depths of Hell. A cheery Monday morning vision. My favorite line of his was, "If you do not accept the Lord and repent you will be standing naked before God on Judgment Day, with no clothes to hide your sin. You will be cast into Hell."

Had I been more of a brazen hussy I would have turned around and yelled back, "Oh, honey that was every night last week, and he was a very ravishing God indeed!" But I didn't. I remained a quiet little coward. Ah, well there will be plenty of other opportunities. One thing is for certain this is not going to be a dull new venture.

In Loving Memory of Laura Branigan

I was out of town when the news of Laura's passing was announced on Friday. It was only this afternoon that I heard the tragic news. No amount of words or sentiments can fully express my sadness and the overwhelming sense of loss I feel at the news of Laura's passing. It doesn't even seem like reality to me. I keep thinking that this is some kind of dream and that I will wake up soon. But I know that is not the case. This is reality and I am very much awake.

Laura was a talented and gifted individual whose heart shown as radiantly as the sun. Despite the difficulties she faced in the last 10 years of her life, she never gave up. She continued to endure and remained within reach of her many fans. I didn't have the opportunity to meet Laura, or to see her live in concert. Both were dreams I had that will now never come to fruition. But through the beautiful music that remains and the fond memories I have as a listener, I know I will forever have a piece of Laura in my heart. My deepest sympathies go out to her family, friends, and the other members of the fan community. She will be greatly missed.

I encourage everyone who visits this site and reads this entry to go out and experience her music for yourself. Whether that is through purchasing one of her many collections or albums, borrowing the discs from a friend, or even downloading songs from the net. You will not be disappointed.

In tribute and memory to Laura's life, heart, and music please listen to her song, Your Love.

When Bad Cuts Happen To Good Hair

Well I WAS riding high on good feelings today. I had a wonderful lunch date with a cute and charming guy. Not sure if it will lead to something more, but it was still very nice and refreshing.

I also was looking very fab and feeling quite thin. The only thing I had a problem with was my hair which had grown out and because of the style (a suedo buzz cut) was sticking out in uneven patches. I combed these as flat as possible but my hair still looked scraggly. I didn't have enough time to get a haircut before the date but I did have time afterwards so I went to see my stylist.

I get to Hair Cuttery only to find that my stylist was on vacation. Well I am impatient and need a haircut NOW and can't afford to wait another week less I look like an ungroomed college dropout. So I decided to go to the woman who cut my hair before my current stylist.

I had changed stylists not because this woman did a bad job, but because my work schedule had changed and so she was no longer on at the times I had to come in. That's when I started going to my current stylist and I must say that I can never go back again. She is just too wonderful. Anyway, so I tell my former stylist what I want done. This is a new style I only jut started sporting last month, so I am not sure about what the exact lengths are.

Well she starts taking off hair a little at a time and after clipping off a layer asks if it looks right. Well we go through this and nothing looks quite right. Then she takes the clippers and lowers the settings one more notch. It was then that disaster struck.

For in that moment I realized that I was fucked. The trail running through the center of my skull was too short!!! As I have now come to realize my stylist does this fancy blending trick with the clippers and sheers to create a length not attainable by clippers alone. I was mortified. And the worst part was that it was too late to do anything about it. She had to keep going.

So now I look like an extra from the movie G.I. Jane and feel completely humiliated. It doesn't look that bad but it certainly doesn't look that good either! Looks like I'll be a little less hairy for a few weeks. Note to self: When stylist is on vacation, unless it is a style you know how to give directions for creating to a new stylist, WAIT until your stylist comes back from vacation before getting a haircut.

Megazone 23 III

The last installment of the Megazone 23 trilogy is at last out on DVD from A.D. Vision. Having already reviewed Part I and Part II already I really don't have much to say about this release. The image quality is very good but the same translation mistakes in terms of names are still present, and like the other two parts the Japanese credits have been replaced with English ones.

One thing that did especially irritated me about this release is that the song Sleepless Beauty In The Woods, which is a great rocking insert song used in both halves of this third installment, was not translated in the subtitled version. In order to view the subtitled stranslations for the songs you have to play the English language version of the film. I don't know why, but this is the only song in the series that is subtitled this way. Absolutely absurd.

I don't know why I get so upset. I know what to expect from an ADV release. It just bothers me is all. This is one of my favorite Anime and it is a legendary classic from the Golden Era of Anime. It should be presented in the most absolutely perfect and full manner as possible. Not this half-light, half-assed, quickie special that is standard ADV fare.

I guess one of these days I'll have to watch all 3 DVDs in the dubbed format just to see how bad the acting is. Bottom line, if you watch this series PLEASE watch it SUBTITLED! It really is better that way.

In keeping with my little tradition of having images from the series in these mini-reviews/rants here are three shots of Eve as she appears in each Part.

Street Sex Anyone?

OH MY GOD!!!!! THE MOST disgusting thing happened to me on the street this afternoon. I was bringing Lila back from wearing her energetic little self out in the two parks near Cathy's apartment. Well we get to the end of her block and are just starting down the sidewalk towards the apartment complex when we come across this man standing in front of his house.

Now you have to picture this scene. Here I am in cut offs and a tight black tee, sweaty and half covered in mud, with happy little Lila in tow in a highly transient area of ghetto Capital Hill. This is an area in which you have nicely renovated and expensive town homes and apartment complex's next to crack houses and subsidized apartment buildings. Every building on every street is literally different and you never know exactly what you are going to find there. This place is like 95% safe in the daylight but you really don't want to be out after dark.

So here we are, Lila and me, on the corner of the block opposite to the corner where the building is. We have had no trouble or creepy encounters today until now. This man who is standing there is in his fifties, overweight, white, and looking grodey. Based on his facial features this man was definitely much better looking in his younger days which have long since passed. Lila stops to poke about in the ghetto grass that is growing in front of the broken sidewalk, so I'm standing there basically face to face with this guy.

As soon as he saw me he immediately scanned me up and down with this EXTREMELY hungry look in his eyes and in case I missed it made it a point to make direct eye contact with me through my sunglasses and arches his eyebrows and then let them fall again. He obviously liked what he saw and was not shy about it. I felt a little weirded out but this sort of thing happens all the time so I dismissed it as the normal cruising one encounters in DC.

And had that been all it would have been fine. But no, it gets worse. He started talking to me all the while looking me over even more hungrily. The conversation went like this:

Dirty Old Man: Hi!
(Gives me a "I wanna fuck you look.")

Me: Hello.
(Stony faced and unimpressed.)

Dirty Old Man: Nice day isn't it?
(Insert air of uneasiness and mischievous smile here)

Me: Yes it is. The weather is beautiful. Not muggy like yesterday.
(Acting as if I don't see what he's doing yet all the while taking note of his every movement.)

Dirty Old Man: Yeah... It's a good day to go out and get laid... or a blowjob...
(Looks at me with those hungry eyes again this time completely undressing me with his eyes. I looked back fairly nonplussed through my sunglasses. Trust me though, I was screaming inside.)

Me: uh... yeah... Though if you already have a partner that takes care of that sort of thing for you it's a bit of a mute point. Come on Lila!

I jerked her out of that ghetto grass so fast she didn't know what hit her and I tore of down the sidewalk with her.

Me: Bye!

I didn't stop to look back. I got my keys out and put them between my fingers in case he decided to come after me. I learned from one of those safety videos that were popular back in the 90's that if you do this you can do serious damage to an assailant as the keys act like spikes between your fingers. Hey. It's a dangerous world we live in. Anyway...

I tore into the apartment complex, up the two flights of stairs and into Cathy's place without looking back. Lila was all excited and I was simply skiezed out. I have never felt so dirty. I called D and told her the horror and then took a much-needed shower. I had physical as well as mental scum to wash off of me.

UGH! What a perv! And what the fuck is with that come on line anyway!?! I mean hello these are not the streets of San Francisco in the 70's. Ew, EW, EW, EW, EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWW!!!! What's even nastier is that when Cathy came back I told her about it and she told me that man has a partner who lives there with him!! I was shocked and disgusted. Does anybody have any decency or morals left these days!

Alien Hookers And Other Unnatural Phenomenon

Today was very strange. I kept spotting the most bizarre people or things. And when I say bizarre, I mean in an almost Twilight Zone sort of way. I kept listening for the theme music.

The first was on my way to Staples to pick up some toner. I pulled into the shopping complex and there was a man walking in front of my path to the Tower Records that is right next to Staples who looked like he just stepped out of a time warp. The year was 1985 and parachute pants and high tops were in... The year is 2004 and this man in front of my car was wearing blue and red parachute pants, high top sneakers, a black short sleeved button down shirt with bright red cherries printed all over it and sporting a flock of seagulls hair style. I nearly wrecked the car as I stared in disbelief. I didn't even think you could find clothes like that anymore. This man was seriously in nee of a makeover. Though considering what he was wearing perhaps he needed good psychotropic medication instead.

Assuming this oddity was just an isolated incident I continued with my day. On my way home from work the traffic was jammed as usual. There was a little black sports car in front of me with a blonde woman driving it. I didn't pay much attention to it until I saw the vanity tag that read: paris13. I took a closer look of the woman smoking her cigarette through her side mirror and was horrified to discover that she looked EXACTLY like Paris Hilton. Right down to the same hair color and style, crooked nose, and bad taste in makeup. I checked the license plate again to make sure I wasn't actually seeing the real bitch and breathed a sigh of relief when I saw the license plate was from Virginia.

These two incidents in the same day were very disturbing. After work I went to the grocery store to pick up a few things and there on the cover of some tabloid magazine was the headline: "70 Percent Of All U.S. Hookers Are Aliens!" Accompanying the caption was a black and white picture of a hooker with an alien head standing next to a car. I immediately started laughing and then thought back on today's sightings. I thought this is too much weirdness in one day to be coincidence. I also realized that this headline was the perfect summation of the over all tone of today.

Megazone 23 Part II

Well my DVD copy of ADV's release of Megazone 23 Part II, which I preordered, has finally arrived and I have just finished viewing. If it's one thing I can say about ADV and their mistakes it's that they are consistent with them. The same mistranslations and non-attention to detail is just as present in this release as it is in Part I, which I reviewed back in May. With the exception of any re-colorizing to the footage (That was unique to Part I only) all of the other things I complained from the first DVD are here. Though I must admit that the coloring and restoration of the footage is actually quite good, and not as distorted as Part I. Though I am still very annoyed that they edited the Japanese credits out and put only English language credits up instead.

I was very pissed off at the mistranslation of the subtitle of the film. The full Japanese title of the film is "Megazone 23 Part II: Himitsu Ku•da•sa•i." The later part translates as "Please Tell Me The Secret." It is a very tricky translation but having done hours of research and translation of it myself several years ago, I determined that "Please Tell Me The Secret" is the correct translation. ADV decided the less-than-accurate and nonsensical "Please Give Me Your Secret" was how it should read. This subtitle by the way is not only the title to the film but also the title and main lyric of Eve's featured song.

I could slightly forgive the "Your Secret" part on the grounds of intention, but not the word "Give." It isn't grammatically correct. You don't "give" a secret you "tell" it. And what their idiot translators fail to appreciate is that Japanese is a language of intention. There are very few absolute English translations of Japanese words and characters. It is all about derived meaning and context. Take "Himitsu Ku•da•sa•i" for example. The direct, literal translation is "Secret Please." But because the "Kudasai" part is written with the breaks in it, it takes on additonal meaning. Only when you break it down into its subcomponents and translate those that you discover it's full meaning. If you actually listen to the song and not the way in which the words are song with deliberate pauses, and not just translate the written lyrics, you discern the correct and full meaning of their use.

I get so frustrated with shit like that. ADV is notorious for those kinds of mistakes or over simplifications in the translations of other titles they have released. In some cases it is an obvious chop job, of hasty translation and just lack of care for accuracy. They seem to operate using the "Ballpark" method: close enough is good enough.

The mistakes aside I did enjoy the film and it is nice to have Part II on DVD. I am seriously considering tracking down the Japanese DVDs an creating my own homemade, personal DVD set with correct translations and full, uncut footage. Though that will be very time consuming and costly. I don't have the money, time, and computer system with which to do that at the moment. Perhaps one day...

For those of you curious to see just how drastically the character designs and style changes are between Parts I and II, here are some comparison stills of the four main characters:

Headlines, Hangovers, and Hard Asses

What a day it has been. I get in this morning to see the breaking headlines that one of my favorite singers, Linda Ronstadt has been thrown out of a casino! You read right. And my brother says that the artists I like are dying acts. Apparently Linda was about to perform her hit song, Desperado, as the closing of her act. Before doing so however, she started praising Michael Moore and his new movie Fahrenheit 9/11. She called him a "great American patriot" and "someone who is spreading the truth" and encouraged the audience to go see the film.

Well, this caused the right wing nutterists in the crowd, only about 25%, to start booing and carrying on like a bunch of rednecks at a tailgate party. These hooligans stormed out of the concert ripping posters off the walls and tipping over trashcans and carts in their wake.

The hotel manager, who is English, was so pissed off that he threw Linda out of the casino and has said that she will never play there again so long as he is manager. According to this man, what she did ruined a perfectly good evening and offended the guests. Um, excuse me, since when is 25% of the people at a concert become the majority of all the guests staying at a hotel!?!?

In response to all this Michael Moore had the following to say to the manager of the hotel:

"For you to throw Linda Ronstadt off the premises because she dared to say a few words in support of me and my film, is simply stupid and Un-American." He says that Linda is owed an apology and suggested the following as a way to make it up to her: "Invite her back and I'll join her in singing 'America the Beautiful' on your stage. Then I will show 'Fahrenheit 9/11' free of charge to all your guests and anyone else in Las Vegas who wants to see it."

I had to howl at that. And I couldn't agree more. I'd love to see that show if it ever happened.

And as if things couldn't get any more amusing, a gentleman from the Department of the Air Force showed up at my office to investigate a former employee. Well the only competent person on staff (sad to say) who could answer this gentleman's questions was our VP. And it just so happens he took one of his random power lunches this afternoon which in reality turned out to be a drink-a-thon with the company secretary. That poor dude from the Air Force was waiting for an hour and a half before he finally left and then came back 30 minutes later. The VP still wasn't back yet which caused the man to exclaim, "You're kidding me!?!" when I told him. When our VP did finally come back, quite potted, he looked horribly embarrassed as he led this man into the conference room and talked with him.

About an hour or so after Mr. Air Force was gone, the VP staggered out of the office, gave me a Verizon commercial peace sign and left for the day. I was thoroughly shocked as well as highly amused. I so need to get the Hell out of this place. Which reminds me, I have an interview set up at Jenn's company on Monday.

And speaking of my interview, I had to unfortunately sell my soul to Banana Republic this afternoon in order to have a decent pair of dress pants to wear to my interview. My office is VERY causal which means I wear jeans to work everyday. And because I've lost so much weight none of my old dress pants fit anymore. *Sigh*

And last but not least I had a very unpleasant e-mail when I came home this afternoon. I had bought a rare sealed Juice Newton LP from this woman on ebay who improperly packed the damn thing when she shipped it, which resulted in its getting bent in two and thus being ruined completely. I was quite pissed and demanded a refund, which she refused to give me because I hadn't purchased insurance on the item. I fired off a moderately bitchy e-mail back to her telling her disgusted I am with her. Worse still, the damn bitch didn't even leave me feedback for the item when I paid for it IMMEDIATELY after the end of the auction. Grrrrr

Rat Bastard

Well I received the most interesting news from Laura today. Apparently our father is gearing up to build a house on Lake Hatteras. And while this may not seem like much of a big deal to the untrained eye, it is very significant. Especially in light of what else she told me.

It turns out that the lakefront property on which he is planning to build on is owned by my grandmother. My father found out about its existence a few years ago. He claims that a while back she decided to give him the land and handed the title deed over to him but didn't sign the necessary paperwork. Well, now that he wants to build on it he needs her to sign the papers so that the land will be in his name. Here's the kicker, my grandmother is claming now that my father stole the property deed for her when he went to help clean out my grandparents house a few weeks ago! And knowing my father, that is probably the case. Though also knowing my grandmother it is possible that she did give it to him and forgot that she had. Both of them are nut cases, so this situation is quickly spinning out of control.

But that isn't what has me pissed off. Quite frankly I could give a flying fuck. I think it's disgusting that with the danger our wetlands are in, that my self-serving father would build a house (or McMansion as the case will be) on a piece of property that has been untouched for hundred of years thus killing off more of our endangered species and adding to the erosian of the shoreline.

What pisses me off even more than that is that yet again I am slapped in the face with the knowledge of just how much of a bastard my father is to me. This is the same man who has time and again promised to help me with financing my education and then has broken that promise at the last minute, claiming that he is in massive debt, his practice is failing, and he just doesn't have the money. Then runs out the next day and buys two HUGE, $70,000+, Earth destroying SUV's! I am not shitting you. Believe me, I really wish I was.

I decided long ago to estrange myself from this man as much as possible and not to ask him for anything. And to this day I have maintained that position. What has me so fired up is yet again I am reminded how I am stuck unable to afford my education (don't qualify for the financial loans at this point in time) and here he is building a fucking on Lake Haterras!!!

It just reiterates once again the very ugly truth about my father. He is a rat bastard of the highest degree and as far as I'm concerned was and has been nothing more than a sperm donner! It makes me sick to even think he is half responsible for my creation!

As for the brewing storm over who owns the lakefront property, apparently my father, sisters, and his wife are headed to Richmond so he can have a "visit" with granny and coerce her into signing the papers. Laura has asked me to come so I can a) keep her sane and b) witness the juicy and exciting drama that is bound to explode. We haven't had a good showdown like this in years, and I quite frankly need some entertainment. So while those two loonies go at it I'm going to kick back with a drink and let the catty remarks fly. It's nice sometimes to partake of drama that doesn't involve you. And the conservatives are saying that the American family and its quality time are in jeopardy.

Utterly Pathetic

I read in the headlines today (more like was bombarded by it) that the twins of the Evil Shrub Empire (i.e. Prejudice Bush) have made their public debut. Or is this their "second coming?" I seem to remember their original "public debut" involving illegal alcohol consumption, the cops, and a whole lot of paparazzi. Did I forget to mention the subsequent shame and public embarrassment for the family?

I truly had to laugh at the hyped up little articles proclaiming this news as if it were some kind of ecclesiastical event. I guess, it's not every administrative term that of the presidential daughters (or children in general for that matter) come to the forefront to wave like Barbie clones and support daddy. Quick, somebody call CNN and spread the word! Oh, wait, looks like somebody already did. "Lordy Jesus, it's a Gospel Miracle!" *waves hands in the air in a dramatic "praising" fashion*

Give me a fucking break people! Does our media really have nothing else better to write about!?! This is one of the oldest, most pathetically cliché political moves ever. Today's special at the local deli counter has more surprises than this "Round up the family for campaign trail fun" charade. Though sad to say most of middle-America is stupid enough to fall for this faux family image of The Shrub accompanied by the Doublemint Twins in dull couture clothing. Well if his daughters support him then he MUST be a good man! Suuuuuure...

This is nothing new people. This is not exciting. There is nothing of significant to see or report here. It is just yet another pathetically cheap display to reassure the sheep among us so that they reelect our self-serving leader. Never mind the fact this man will steal the jobs and freedoms from these same little lambkins and send their children to an early grave all in the name of "the good of the Country."

Just say no people. John Kerry may not be the brightest light bulb on the shelf but he certainly can't perpetrate any more evil than has already been unleashed. It's high time we let someone else have a go at this game of Russian Roulette we call "The Running of America."

Bitchtastic

I have a new word, "Bitchtastic." I just made it up this afternoon because I had a very "Bitchtastic" day. Is Bitchtastic a bad thing I hear you ask? In this case, yes, and in general I think it will be. Since it's so new I'm not sure yet. Haven't had much occasion to use it much outside of a negative connotation.

My Bitchtastic day began with the end of last night. I spent hours updating and editing my resume to give to Jenn for that new job opening in her company. I was quite spent by the time I finished and it was late. I was all ready to turn in when I realized I hadn't updated/rewritten my cover letter. I decided to just do it this morning and e-mail it then.

Which is what I did. Though it took me two hours and a very large cup of coffee to do it (while on the job). I sent it off and it then started tackling the day's duties. Which is when things turned ugly.

Today just turned out to be one of those days when everybody that could call up or e-mail and bitch did just that. And while nobody was terribly rude, they were annoying as Hell and just further irritated the bad mood I woke up in.

The one that was most annoying was this woman in Barbados who had ordered a bunch of books last month and claimed they never arrived. This was like a week or so ago. Things got busy since then but it didn't stop her from barraging me with 10 e-mails wanting to know if her ordered had been shipped.

I didn't have much of a choice to blow it off until tomorrow so I forced myself to write this woman back. I told her we'd send her another set with a tracking number. Which meant that I would have to go to the actual post office to post the damn thing instead of sending it through our mailroom.

So I pack up a new order, reprint the invoice, make a shipping label, fill out all the customs paper, and get everything all packed up and ready to go and proceeded to the post office. When I get there I discover that because of the new federal postal regulations my forms weren't in compliance. So I had to HANDWRITE every piece of information on my customs form onto the post offices preprinted customs form. WHY mine wasn't good enough I don't know. Fed Ex certainly doesn't have a problem with them!

I also had to fill out a new shipping label as this woman wanted the package sent Express Mail and well the address had to be printed on another special peal and stick form. I hadn't had lunch before I left, which was a fatal mistake, so I was in a fowl mood by the time I returned to the office after standing in line for an hour.

On my way back D called me with some very distressing news. Apparently she got sucked into yet another family drama and had to help her sister and her sister's friend. In the process she got a speeding ticket. As you can imagine she was quite upset.

When I got back to the office we discussed the matter via IM while she surfed the DMV website for details. 20 Miles over the speed limit in VA equates to a $100 fine plus about $40 worth of processing fees and gets you 6 points against your license that don't come off for 5 years! I was outraged and then extremely horrified when I suddenly remembered my own recent speeding infraction. I had been going 20 miles above the speed limit... Sure enough I too owe communist Republican blood money to the state of VA AND have 6 points on my license that will haunt me until after the Cherry Popper is paid off!

As you can imagine I was in quite a funk. Thank God for the some of the funny rants I read on other blogs. That was the only thing that lifted my mood as I was pounding the desk laughing my ass off at some of the things that piss people off.

Memories...

It's funny how we can think emotions or feelings are dead and buried, only to have them uncovered or revived by the smallest of incidents. All those memories of long ago come drifting back again. Overwhelming the mind, clouding the eyes. Life's joys and pains... So many moments eternally frozen in the depths of our sentimental hearts.

In such a short period of time I have endured so much pain and loss, and yet throughout my life I have survived even more pain and loss than what this present time has given me. Hardship is subjective I guess. It always feels so much harder than it is when you're going through it. Though hindsight can also be ignorant of the reality of just how difficult a period of hardship was. There is no clear answer I guess. No definitive perspective. We remember as we want to remember.

But right now, there is so much I want to say. So much I need to express. And yet I am at a loss and disadvantage to do just that. There was so much unspoken, yet there was more said without words. And while I know this message will probably never be read by the one it is intended for, it still needs to be delivered. To be set free. And I shall do just that...

To the man that I loved, the man that I still love. I feel as strongly today as I did then. And yet, it is so very different now. For the most part I have let you go. I have accepted that we won't and aren't meant be together. But there is still love in my heart for you. Love doesn't die, it just changes its intention.

The grief I feel now is not so much about what has been lost, but about the memories of what once was and what could have been. And though I can't, and probably will never again, hold you in my arms I will carry those memories with me forever. I won't be a slave to the past, but at the same time I won't be careless with something so precious.

Life moves on continuously like the tides that encircle this planet. And while I know love will come again someday, my intensions will always be for harmony and peace. I Love You.

Serving You When It's Inconvenient!

What the fuck!?!?! I stopped at the paint store on my way home from work today and they were closed! Hours of Operation: 9 am-5 pm, M-F. Well I'm at work then people except on Fridays. Ugh! It's so frustrating. I can understand those hours in the winter when you can't do much painting but this is the middle of fucking summer! Many of us with 9-5 jobs do paint on the weekends or when we get home from work you know. It's hard to get more paint if the store closes at the same time our offices do!

Damn it! Damn it! Damn it! I'd go to Home Depot but wouldn't you know this particular brand of paint and primer (which shall remain nameless as I don't need to be slapped with a law suit just now) isn't sold there. Fucking pain in the ass! Guess I'll be spending what limited free time I have this weekend painting and priming! Oh, joy!

Independence Day?

Today is "Independence Day," the day our forefather's claimed their independence from an oppressive government. Funny, 200+ years later and it feels like we're still being ruined under tyranny. For me, I really won't feel like we have been "liberated" until the Bush administration, and the entire republican party for that matter, is out of the White House.

And speaking of the evils of said administration, effective midnight on July 1, 2004, Virginia's new anti-Gay law went into effect. This monstrous bill makes any contracts between gay and lesbian partners illegal. Yes, illegal. This means no power of attorey, no civil unions, nothing. It is the most aggressive and unconstitutional legislation to be passed against the homosexual community. It's like going back to the days of segregation during the Civil Rights Movement. It makes me sick to think that the state I live in, my birthplace, could uphold such a disgusting piece of legislation. It's descrimination, simple as that. Happy Fucking Independence Day!

But enough political shit. Today is a day of celebration (or so it's supposed to be at any rate) and in accordance with that sentiment Mari and Ian had a small 4th of July cook out today which was very fun. It rained most of the day though so we were stuck indoors. It has been so excessively hot the past few days that starting early this morning the rain just poured down in monsoon-like torrents. Hopefully the sun will come out tomorrow or the next day.

Thank God VH1 was running a marathon of Back to the 80's. We all got the biggest kick out of reliving our youth during the decade of decadence, big hair, and BAD, BAD clothes. I love the 80's. After all where else could you see ordinary men in makeup outside of the theatre or a drag show?

Change Is Good!

Even if the means by which you get to that change is semi-disastrous, change is a good thing. I think July will very much be a month of change for me. I have started this month off with a change in outlook, and today I underwent a change in appearance. Much to my stylist's chagrin I adopted a pseudo buzz cut. It looks a teensy bit military, but is definitely more San Francisco butch. Personally I like this new look a lot. It's short, rugged, and very sexy. Plus it requires 0 maintenance. I just towel my head dry and go.

I am a bit concerned though about how good this look really is. I like it but given all of the crazy ups and downs I have been through in the past month it is possible I am operating under a misperception. I need to get the input of my friends as so far I have had only two reactions and neither one of those was positive.. The first was from my stylist Yen, who just kept saying "I don't like it! It's too short! Too short!" I had to practically force her to give me this hair cut. I tipped her double though because she was such a good sport about it. The second was my mother who took one look at my hair and got the most shocked/disgusted look on her face and said, "What did you do to your hair!?!?!" After that she then really told me how she felt with the lines, "You had such beautiful hair. What possessed you to do that! I don't like it at all. It looks terrible!" Gee, thanks Ma!

Speaking of my mother and change (there are two concepts that don't react well with each other) after 26 years her foyer is going to be transformed from its present state as the Coco Cavern to a sleek silver-blue reception area. Yes in deed, when my parents bought the house my mother currently lives in they, rather she (Dad was far too busy working and having extra marital affairs) painted the foyer deep chocolate brown. Hey it was 1978 and at the time the linoleum was a gold color. Well in the mid 90's Ma had the linoleum torn out and replaced with a stylish white marble pattern with blue and grey trim. A few years ago she had all the front rooms repainted but somehow she and the painter both overlooked the foyer. How, I don't know.

Which brings me to last week when I realized, "Oh, Shit my mother's birthday is this weekend and I have n o gift to give her and no clue what to give her!" BTW my mother has hit that stage in her life when she wants only "practical" items and not things. She has become very non-materialistic. So you can begin to understand my panic. Well 2 days before hand it comes to me. I will paint that hideous foyer of hers and make it a modern home living masterpiece! That was the thought anyway. She actually agreed with my choice of color (this is a rare occurrence), a pale silver-blue, and this afternoon after my haircut I picked up the rest of the supplies from Home Depot and set to work priming the damn room. "How hard could this be?" I foolishly thought, "After all EVERYONE says how easy painting is."

Well let me tell you, flat walls and ceilings may be one thing, but stucco walls and ceilings are quite another! I have ALWAYS hated stucco, ever since I was a kid. Now that I am an adult painting stucco, I have developed a whole new level of hatred for it. I swear stucco is the one textured surface that should be banned from all modern construction. If you have stucco walls and/or ceilings, and they weren't originally painted with lead-based paint, get yourself a power sander and smooth those babies down before you even think about painting them!

What makes stucco so particularly loathsome when painting is all the ridges and protrusions. Even with a roller designed for rough surfaces you cannot get into all of the cracks and crevices. The roller does not roll well over the uneven surface and the paint simply does not get into all the ridges. Which results in having to use a paint brush to get the primer or paint into these crevices and distribute it evenly. This however causes VERY BAD streaking in the paint which of course shows up when dry!

After almost 6 hours of frustration, screaming, and arguing with my mother who kept telling me I wasn't doing it right and kept going 0-60 on the drama meter, there is one layer of primer on the walls and ceiling, and I have had enough!

You know I have come to realize that being an alcoholic has it's advantages. For example when you come up with a REALLY bad idea (like this one) and then pursue it, you can then blaim it on a bad bender. Unfortunately in this case I'm not an alcoholic and the idea to paint the foyer was derived totally sober.

*sigh...* Perhaps things will look better in the morning. I doubt it but you never know.

Death. Rebirth. Evolution.

It is amazing how much can happen in one month. 30 seemingly ordinary days can hold what emotionally feels like a lifetime's worth of events, pains, tragedies, and joys.

30 days ago my world as I knew it came crashing down around me. My trust, faith, and love were stripped away, leaving my soul torn open and bleeding. And yet even in the space of 5 days after that moment of devastation there was rebirth. A new hope. Another chance to start again. The opportunity to find a piece of myself I never even knew I had. 30 days ago my spirit died. 5 days later it was reborn.

And as for the pain, it is still with me. It lingers within my heart, but it does not confine me. I have learned to love. I have learned to live. I have learned to forgive. And for the most part I have learned to let go and move on.

30 days later I am left with a scar, but unlike some scars, it is one I will cherish forever. I have no regrets, and while I still feel sad from time to time, I am a happier person because of what happened. Everything happens for a reason. And even as little as a month later, I have more answers then I thought I ever would.

Important Public Service Announcement

At this moment in time it is imperative that the following celebrities (in no particular order) be stopped, packed into a rocket and shot into deep space (perferably a black hole) never to return (or land elsewhere):

• Paris Hilton (and her little friend too!)
• Britney Spears
• Madonna (a.k.a. "Esther" or whatever the Hell she is calling herself these days...)
• J-Lo (a.k.a. "J-Ho")

Men Are Perverts!

OK, not ALL of them, but a lot of them. Especially when in the confines of the gym.

Which was the case tonight. I was at the gym stretching out before pilates and I see this tall, young blonde guy come into the area where I am. I've seen him before as he's a regular at my gym. And before you even think it, NO I am not interested and never have been. For one, he's practically a fetus and second, he's straight and self-absorbed. That said let's continue...

So he comes back to the area where the stretching equipment is as well as the leg machines. I'm stretching all my 2000 parts to their limits on this device that looks like a giant spider web. He sits down behind me on the floor with his back against the wall. The walls btw are covered in mirrors so basically wherever you look you can see what's around the corner and what other people are doing without them knowing that you are watching. You can also see yourself from just about every single angle imaginable, which is either a good thing or a very bad nightmare depending on your situation.

Around the corner comes this older looking brunette (he's like maybe 20 or 21 and she's 35 if a day) who just screams of tart. I swear I have not seen hair that teased up and make up that spackled on since the last time Dolly Parton was on Oprah! Well she's wearing these white, skintight capri pants that are oh-so see through. In fact they are so tight that you can see the lines of her thong underwear through them. And just incase you missed the outline of the thong, the transparency of her pants coupled with the thongs distinct black color made it virtually impossible to miss.

She bounces up to this other dude who is using this machine that is inclined at a 45 degree angle and is used to work your abs (sorry don't know what it's called), and asks him when he'll be done because she "just has one more set she just absolutely has to do." I swear the chirpiness was enough to grate on the nerves of even the most seasoned and brainless of Cali-girls.

Well little boy blue balls sitting in the corner starts gawking. I mean seriously gawking. Eyes wide, mouth gaping open, not moving or cognizant of what's around him. It was both sickening and embarrassing to watch. Well, brunette Skipper gets on the ab machine, arms gripping the higher end, and starts swinging her legs and ass upwards over her head, thus working her stomach and that poor thong for all it was worth. I swear I thought the guy was going to go hard in his shorts. He was literally burrowing holes through the skimpy fabric of her pants. It was all I could do not to say, "Quit it honey, this isn't a brothel." Followed by, "Oi! Kid! Go take a cold shower before you finish making the rest of the male population look like sex crazed perverts!"

I'm not even sure why this little exposé even bothered me as much as it did. I guess it's the fact that if you are going to admire the view you should do so discretely. Especially when surrounded by mirrors that provide a panoramic view. Gawking like a tourist is not the way to do it. And as for the "Pervert Peep Show", there is a time and a place to flaunt it shamelessly, and at the gym is not the time or the place. Looking good in your gym clothes is one thing, looking like a tramp in search of a sugar daddy is another!

That being said I'm going to bed. I am still fucking exhausted from the weekend.

Pigs and Cheap Ass Rich Folk

Well I got my first speeding ticket today. And from undercover bacon no less. It couldn't be a REAL cop in a REAL police cruiser, no, it had to be an uptight dick ( I swear they train them to act that way) in a watered down uniform and an unmarked beat up old town car! I'm sorry but don't you people have better things to do with my tax dollars, such as busting drug dealers, than ticketing people for minor speeding infractions?!?!

And before you go off at me about my just being pissed about getting a ticket, let me tell you about the kicker of this story. I freely admit I am not the world's greatest driver and do break traffic laws from time to time. But this morning I was actually doing the speed limit and driving responsibly. The main reason for this was because I was so exhausted from being out the night before. Where I got the ticket was on a short cut through (about 30 feet) between two streets. Apparently I went from 30 to 50 in a 30 MPH zone, or so the cop said. I didn't think I was going 50 but I was so tired and not looking at the speedometer so who knows, I very well could have been. Personally I think he was just looking to fill end of the month quotas, and saw a young guy in a red car and decided to pick on him.

Today's cop situation was very strang in general. Both D and I noticed an excessively high number of them on the roads. They were friggin' everywhere. Why, I don't know. What pisses me off is that I got pulled over and ticketed for a minor speeding infraction and all these fuckers on the beltway kept doing 100MPH in what is technically a 65MPH zone while whipping in and out of the lanes and there are no pigs around anywhere to catch them! Where's the justice!?!

Ugh! Anyway, moving on to my next rant...

I went to Baltimore this afternoon (yes two weekends in a row) because Lou was throwing a birthday party for a mutual friend of ours, Brian. The party was small consisting of Brian's roommate, Lou, myself and this friend of Brian's who is 50-something and VERY loaded. He was a nice enough man but I couldn't help but notice that he was really just a very lonely, dirty old man, who uses his money to entice young flesh in the hopes they would give him some action. Though he seems to get off just living vicariously through them even if they didn't put out.

But that is not the key point of this story. The key point is that this man makes 6 figures a year (very high figures from what I understand) and yet he is one of the CHEAPEST people I have ever met.

We all went out to dinner, and it had been agreed before hand that we'd split Brian's meal between the 4 of us. The restaurant we went to was a bit pricey but not too bad. Everybody's order was about $25. Everybody's that is except lecherous Daddy Warbucks who ordered about $50 worth of food and drinks. When it came time for the check he grabbed it, gave it a quick look over, then declared that everyone (except Brian) owed about $40 each which included tip!!!!! I was a bit hazy from the two margaritas I'd had but I knew this didn't sound right. I was good though and didn't say anything.

On the way to his car, Lou brought up the uneven distribution of payment at dinner. Even a bit fuzzy, I was able to do the math well enough to realize that indeed my intuition was right and that we got screwed! I was livid. Here Lou and I are both at the same starving poverty level income wise and this rich bastard is expecting us to put out for part of his meal!

But it gets even better. Lou had bought Brian's birthday cake and the Million Dollar Man brought some inexpensive candles and a box of matches. Well at the end of the cake eating and conversation he announces that he has a long drive to make and is going to go home. He goes into the kitchen while we are cleaning up and audibly announces that he is taking his candles and box of matches with him!!! It was all I could do not to let my jaw hit the floor. This man owns a HUGE house, a boat, can afford $400 meals at Ruth Chris Steakhouse(a very posh and expensive establishment), yet insists on taking home a $2 box of candles and matches! I'm sorry but there is nothing worse than cheap rich people!

After this man had left Brian's roommate had a quiet word with Lou and I about Uncle Scrooge's little money screw at dinner, and bless his heart he gave us some cash to try and compensate for it cause he makes way more than both of us and knew how much of a strain the whole evening was on us financially.

Over all it was not a bad night, but certainly one I won't forget for a long while to come. I'm sure I'll have the misfortune to be around this man again socially. I swear if I am ever at a dinner table with him again, rude or not, I am demanding separate checks!

The Original Party Kid

Oh, my God! Any doubts about my own sanity have just been cleared up by today's luncheon with the guy from the media company. Jesus Christ it's amazing how deceptively normal some people can appear.

He is a film producer and the media company he works for is going belly up in two weeks so he'll be out of a steady job (and the building). Fortunately he's got a bunch of freelance gigs lined up (some are "art" — a.k.a. porn — films) and his partner or "husband" as he calls him (has only known this man for 6 months and they aren't actually married) is steadily employed (hmm there went last month's pouting story). And while all of this seems stable and normal enough it is about the only thing that is stable and normal about him.

It turns out that in addition to being a chain smoker he suffers from adult onset ADHD, severe anxiety, severe manic-depression, he is an alcoholic (though he won't admit it) and a semi-clean drug user (he and his "husband" kicked the hard drugs just the other month and now only smoke pot every now and again)! The scary part is that he makes no bones about any of it. In fact he is more than happy to tell anyone who will listen all about it. He prides himself on being "The Original Party Kid" and is more connected than God when it comes to bars, clubs, and parties on the east coast (and parts of Canada too!).

I was shocked and at the same time immensely relieved. I was relieved because I realized that despite some of the crazy drama in my life and some of the eccentric things I do that at least I am not coping through life by self-medicating myself (another thing he is proud of) and am in touch with reality and can just plain deal. I lost count of how often I heard the line, "I'm so happy that I'm not single anymore because there are just too many temptations out there, man." Yeah, well if you spent more time out of the bottle and the poppy patch it might be easier to resist them.

It was a good thing that I drove us to lunch as he had 3 mostly Vodka tonics (in the middle of the work day no less). Thank God I listened to my intuition and never went a date with this man seven months ago when he originally asked me out!

I was in complete mental overload by the time I got back to work. Trying to take in everything that I witnessed and was told at that lunch is no small feat. Hours later I'm still taking it all in!

Most of all I can't stop thinking about how a few years ago, had I continued down the path I was on, that I could have turned out just like this guy! I can't thank the powers that be enough for delivering me from such a bad situation and for giving me the strength to stand on my own two feet (unself-medicated!).

Lesson learned: No matter how fucked up you think you are, there is always someone out there who is one hundred times worse!

Men Are Such Fuckwits!!!!

I swear I love men but there are days and times I absolutely HATE THEM!!!

I was supposed to have a date tonight with a guy I met last night. This guy and I talked for a few hours, exchanged numbers and addresses. He tells me to meet him at his place. So I go over there at the appointed time only to discover the FUCKWIT isn't home or isn't answering the door. God only knows which. I call his number and I can hear the phone start to ring inside the apartment and after several rings a generic answering machine picks up!

UGH!!!

Men like that should be dragged out in the street and beaten to unconsciousness!!!!

And as if things couldn't get worse I went online to chat with friends and try and meet some new people. Maybe meet a guy I can go to diner with tonight seeing as how I'm all dressed up with no place to go. Which by the way, didn't happen.

Well I am just about to log off, and still feeling bummed, when this dude sends me a message. He's older and in SC. I'm thinking, "What the Hell, I don't have anything better to do let's chat. There's no harm in chatting, right?"

He hits on me etc, etc. and I'm fine with it until I read his profile and find out he's a fucking DRUG USER!!! What is it with drug users thinking I'm interested! I even put on my chat room display AND profile NO DRUG USERS! Guess his brain was too fried to comprehend what that meant! UGH!!!

At least I will have a respite of sorts this weekend. I am spending the day in Baltimore with Lou and will have some new pictures taken! Plus, Saturday night untill Monday morning I will be watching the adorable Lila! Yes, another pet sitting adventure! Only D can't make it this time so it's me alone again all the scary people in Capital Hill. Can we say don't go out after dark?

Stupid People

What is it with people the past two days and their crazy ass driving!?!

On my way to work this morning this woman just puts on her turn signal and starts moving into my lane while I'm still in it! I showered down on the horn but she kept going. This is during the heart of rush hour mind you! I had to jump into the left turn lane and speed up in order to avoid being struck. As I start to transition back into my lane she keeps going, headed for the turn lane, speeding up while she does this almost hitting the back of my car. She then flies down the turn lane and makes her turn!

Ugh! And as if that wasn't enough of people behaving badly/stupidly for one day, I watched a pregnant woman fall over at lunch because she lacked basic common sense! And before you jump down my throat for what I just said, just hear me out first.

Behind my office building is a mulched clearing with picnic tables. We're not talking small bits of mulch here, these are large chunks of mulch and they are slippery. This pregnant woman almost fell on them last week because she is (a) frigging huge and off balance and (b) was wearing 4-inch high platform slides! Yes, 4-inch high platform slides! I am not making this up.

Now last week after her near fall her coworkers and friends told her, "you need to get new shoes," and she was like, "yeah, you're right." You'd think she'd have done this right? (Hell she shouldn't have been wearing them to begin with being pregnant but I digress...) Well she comes out to the tables this afternoon in those same damn shoes flapping her arms around like a grounded ostrich and falls backwards! Two of her colleges shriek and run over to her. I was sitting at the table right in front of her. I was just too shocked to move. I mean her falling over could have been seriously damaging to her unborn child, but at the same time all I could think was, "you stupid cow what the fuck are you doing wearing those damn shoes again while trying to walk out here when you nearly fell over last week attempting the same damn thing!?!" In case you're wondering, yes she is blonde.

Her coworkers picked her up again and helped her get to a table, and yet again told her to get new shoes and yet again she remarked on how this was a good idea. I swear if that child inherits its mother's common sense it will be a miracle if it finds its way out of the womb without assistance!

Life's Hidden Gifts

It's amazing how life finds the most unique ways of helping us along. Sometimes we are presented with situations that initially seem like more of a complication than a cure, but in reality are for our own good.

Often times the road seems narrow and long but no matter what I continue to believe there is a reason and a purpose for the journey.

Sometimes It's A Bitch

There are days that despite how far I've come and what I've come through, that I feel like I've fallen by the side of the road. That my peace of mind is only a temporary oasis. That I'm still chasing after shadows in a painted desert.

I remind myself of what has come before, and what lies ahead. It gives me some degree of comfort and hope. But it is hard. It is very hard. There is much to be happy about, but some days it's a little hard to look from the ground to the sky.

One day at a time I tell myself. One day at a time...

Love. Irony. Life.

I went on a journey to find peace of mind. To find answers to some recent events and gain closure. To find the truth.

Some did not understand why I felt the need to go to the lengths I did. I thank you all for standing by me, even though you didn't understand. I needed to do this. I needed to find heeling at the source of the pain.

I have found my closure and peace of mind. I have also found the truth and myself. Though I set out with a certain goal in mind I realized along the way that part of my journey was about believing in myself, in empowering myself.

I have journeyed very far and for a very long time. I spent more time traveling than I did at my destination. I have learned many things.

One of which is that sometimes two people can care about each other to different degrees and never realize that each other cares in a different way until something happens to expose them. Sometimes, someone you love can unintentionally hurt you so deeply and not realize the pain that they have inflicted until they see it face to face.

Another thing I learned is that love is not concrete. I already knew that love can be one sided, and I also knew the difference between love for one's friends and love for one's beloved. But something I didn't know, that I now know, is that love is so multifaceted that in order to see it, you have to not look for it at all. You just have to close your eyes and feel it with your heart and know it's meaning in your mind. It is possible for two people to love each other in different ways, yet still love each other in a mutual way.

And finally, life is full of so many ironic situations which can be so tragic and painful. Whether we are in the company of loved ones or by ourselves, we are never alone in this world. There is always something greater than ourselves, something unseen that guides us along our path, showing us the way to go and bolstering our hearts even when they have fallen. Love really does conquer all, even if the reality of its victory isn't what we had in mind.

In many ways I have lived my life unaware of the gifts around me, and the small blessings that come when one is least expecting them. My journey taught me to see these things and to truly value them. It also taught me that if I am in need and I ask for help, that it will come in some way, shape, or form. In a time of crisis, if you close your eyes, and listen with your heart, you will understand the meaning of my words. I hope that one day you will know the feeling I have just described.

As long as you have faith, you will never walk alone.

Mourning After

The morning after betrayal is always the most painful. The body aches and drifts along wearily but the mind is numb and far removed. The physical and mental pain of the reality of the situation, burns the insides of your stomach, tightens the walls of your chest, crushing the very essence of your soul. There is only emptiness and extreme pain. Pain beyond belief or description. The feeling of being half dead yet knowing you are very much alive.

The mind is consumed by the raw, sleepless thoughts of what has transpired, what used to be, what will be now, and the endless desire for the pain and emotion to go away. For life to be like it was before, for the mind to forget everything and everyone that once was. For history to be completely erased.

There is nothing quite so painful as the morning after betrayal.

Current song mood: Right Now

Hurt. Betrayed. Heartbroken.

I feel so incredibly betrayed and hurt right now, that I can't even process which emotion I am feeling until it is upon me, and before I have time to even acknowledge it another takes its place. I want to cry. I want to scream. I want to break things. I want to breakdown.

No words can express my pain, not completely. I need to be anywhere but here right now. And most of all I don't want to talk about it. So please do not ask. It's enough that I've said this much. Just know that I am going through a very bad time right now, but that I will get better. I am a strong man. I will weather this storm. There is another, brighter day ahead somewhere...

For now, just read these lyrics, and keep me in your thoughts and prayers. Thank you.

• Born to Break My Heart
• If Looks Could Kill
• In Pain
• If I Didn't Love You
• An Uncertain I Love You
• The Best Thing You've Ever Done
• For A Little While (English Version)
• Black Honeymoon
• If You Really Want To Know
• If You Loved Me

Crap, Shit, And Junk

It never ceases to amaze me the kinds of things one amasses over the years which inevitably end up stuff away in boxes or in one's closet. The past week or so I have been trying to clean out some of the junk and clutter in my living space. There is a lot of stuff that I have that I no longer need and or no longer want. It is time to purge.

So in this vein I have set to work like a dynamo in my closet. There is enough crap in there to keep me busy for ages. I am proud to say that I do actually have a fair amount of clothing in my closet but there is even more stuff packed in there that I don't need, such as the Meow Mix bucket I covered in paper mache and paint in the 5^th grade as part of a class art project. We each received a bucket with lid and were told to make them look like something that was representational of a significant event in our lives. These would then be stacked on each other to form two class toe, polls. Cute and inventive isn't it? I decorated mine to look like my now deceased dog, Alexander, because when we got him at as a puppy it was a significant event in my life.

After the totem, poll display went down we each got to take our decorated bucket home and min has been sitting on the top shelf of my closet ever since. I have tenaciously clung to this dusty, smelly cat food container for well over a decade. There were times in the past I considered parting with it but could never bring myself to do it because it was too sentimental. And yet despite it's sentimentality the thing has been stuffed up in the closet and after all these years I have become blind to its presence.

That is until today when I was tearing things out of the closet and hurling them either into a donation box or a large trash bag. Once again my vision returned and I spotted the paper mache sheep dog head. It's dusty tongue hanging down from the top shelf. I looked at it and thought, "What a great memory, but I don't need this anymore. It is taking up space. I'm sorry but it's time for you to go." I felt so triumphant that after all this time I had conquered one of my sentimental holing demons. Freeing oneself of unnecessary clutter and junk is wonderful. Though oddly enough, now that it is gone, I sort of miss it...

Megazone 23

I just finished watching A.D. Vision's DVD release of Megazone 23 Part I. I am disappointed and more disgusted than I expected to be. I am not a big fan of ADV's releases because they tend to rush productions and focus on marketing and making a profit so the quality of the release suffers. This is especially true of older shows or as they so condescendingly market them, "Old School Anime." I was quite upset to begin with when I heard that ADV was releasing the Megazone trilogy. I had so hoped that if anyone would release it, it would have been AnimEigo since they ALWAYS do a quality job, researching the series they release, and spend lots of time and money on accuracy and precision.

While I am happy to finally have this beloved series on DVD it does have many problems that need addressing. The first of which is the video quality. While crisp and very bright, the contrast has been turned up so high along with the brightness that the colors are not the same as the original footage. Even worse though is the fact that ADV in their laziness did not go back to the original master film and do a new digital transfer and remaster. Instead they used Streamline's (a.k.a. Harmony Gold) preserved and edited footage from their early release of the film back in the early 90's because it was in "very good shape." The producers of the DVD even admit to this on the commentary found in the DVD bonus features. Because of the 1987 preservation and editing that Streamline did, the color and contrast are off, and there is some cropping to the edges of the film. But the worse edit is Eve's badly retouched green hair from her opening song sequence in the beginning of the show.

Originally Harmony Gold (the makers of Robotech) purchased the rights to Megazone 23 Part I in 1986 (Part II had just come out in Japan) and planned on using it as the footage for the doomed Robotech The Movie: The Untold Story. They did use most of the OVA footage for the feature but somewhere in the process began re-coloring Eve's hair from white to green, starting with her first appearance during the Sentimental Behind My Back music video sequence. For either budgetary or time constraint reasons, who knows which, the didn't finish the re-coloring so halfway through the video sequence her hair goes back to being white and remains that way until the end of the film. What is even worse is that on the back of the DVD package are screan shots from the OVA and there is one of Eve from this sequence with white hair, NOT green hair! The fact that this was not spotted in the film and on the packaging by ADV's production staff, especially the producers who all admitted to being fans of the series and were watching the edited version of the film while doing their commentary, is disgraceful!

The following screen shot comparison from the aforementioned video sequence shows the glaring difference between the original animation and Harmony Gold/Streamline's "preserved" footage. You can see what I'm ranting and babbling about regarding the the coloring and contrast of the footage and obvious hair color edit.

For those of you who are curious as to why Eve's hair was re-colored, here is the answer. Harmony Gold, which later changed it's name to Streamline, had future plans to release Megazone 23 Parts I and II in their full entirety. Because the animation style used in Part I is completely different from that used in Part II coupled with the fact that Eve sports green hair in Part II (except for a few flashback sequences) the thinking was that by re-coloring her hair in Part I it would make an easier transition between the two OVAs for the viewers. The licensing agreement for Part II fell through so this didn't happen, but in the early 90's Streamline did release Part I in it's entirety, with the except of the technical and partially re-colored hair edits. It was the master reels from this release and NOT the original 33mm Japanese production film that ADV used in their DVD release.

As a side note, in case you are also wondering about why Eve's hair changed color, the answer is that her character designer, the famous Haruhiko Mikimoto (of Macross fame), originally designed her with varying hair colors, green and white being the most prominent particularly green. When Megazone 23 Part I was animated Eve's hair was colored white, the most common explanation for this being that the main heroine of the series, Yui, also had green hair and the two might become confused. Eve also looked a lot like another green haired Mikimoto character from the series Orguss and there was additional concern of copyright infringement. The style in Part II was very realistic so all of the characters were redesigned with hair colors occurring in nature with the exception of the biker punks who had dyed hair, Eve being the only exception.

Mikimoto designs for Eve in Part II all had her sporting green hair only, so this is another reason why it was changed for Part II. Interestingly enough the last designs Mikimoto did of Eve for Megazone 23 III have her sporting light blue hair. Apparently he wanted to make it evident that Eve the singer and the Eve the scientist were appearance wise very different even though they shared the same personality and physical traits.

As for my other gripes about A.D. Vision's DVD release, not all of the songs were completely subtitled, the Japanese credits were completely deleted and replaced by American ones, and many of the spellings of names were not correct. Even worse is the dub job they did. I watched part of it in English just to see what it was like and it is abysmal. If you do watch this DVD, PLEASE watch the subtitled version!

Bottom line, this is a good show but this release despite it's high dollar packaging is a bust. Megazone is a hard show to sell in and to the current Anime market and demographic and I really don't see how this presentation of it will help give it the respect and credibility it deserves. After all Megazone was the second OVA ever produced in Anime history, but the one that successfully launched the OVA format. No, sadly enough this release only solidifies even more Megazone's continued obscurity and under-appreciation in modern Anime. And as this is one of my favorite Anime, that makes me very sad.

CPS: Cicada Panic Situation

The stupidity of people never ceases to amaze me. I don't know about where you are, but here we are currently experiencing the once every 17 years cicada season. These cute and completely harmless bugs come out once every 17 years to mate, lay their eggs, and then die, leaving their offspring to carry on the cycle. They aren't the smartest of God's creatures, and yes they get absolutely everywhere (as witnessed by the one I found in my boxers a few weeks back) but they are harmless. Scientists don't even know what their purpose is exactly.

Now all this information is common knowledge and we have all been pumped full of it via the daily news, radio shows, newspapers, etc. And yet, everyday I see the same thing: Hysterical Cicadaphobes! And sad to say they all seem to be women.

Today was probably the worst day yet for Hysterical Cicadaphobe induced outbursts I have witnessed. It started this morning when I parked my car. There were 5 or 6 women from this sleazy marketing firm in my building walking across the parking lot going to their cars and chatting. Suddenly the whole lot of them started screaming (I could hear them 25 feet away with the windows rolled up!) and dancing around flailing there arms trying to escape from the cicadas. Correction ONE cicada that was crawling on the ground, 5FT AWAY, in the OPPOSITE DIRECTION! WTF!?! I could see getting upset if the thing was in your face or down your shirt, but 5 feet away!?!

So I go inside and there is a cicada on the floor in the lobby. There are more marketing females pressing themselves up against the walls in terror (mind you this lobby is HUGE) and murmering loudy about this single cicada. So I stopped and picked the cicada up and put it outside. I was met with looks of disgust and shock when I came back in. I gave them a look that told them just how utterly pathetic I thought they were being over this then proceeded to the elevators.

But the best was the Cuban woman smoking her cigarette at lunch. I have shared an elevator with this woman on several occasions. She is originally from Cuba (which is full of flying insects), takes no shit, is always disgruntled, and is tough as nails. Well I'm sitting at the picnic tables behind the building and she's about 100 feet off smoking a cigarette by the back entrance and talking on her cell phone. When lo and behold a cicada comes whizzing past her thigh. She immediately starts screaming (yes screaming) and dancing around flailing her arm (the other remaining glued to her head). I am convinced now this is the standard mode of operation when in a "Cicada Panic Situation (CPS)." She continues to do this for 5 MINUTES nonstop as this poor dazed cicada (which consequently kept smacking into her cause she was tearing around all over the place) tries to find a safe place to land.

It was too much to watch. I just wanted to slap her and shout, "Get a hold of yourself honey it's just a bug!" She finally decides to run inside the building (with her lit cigarette - a total fire and building code violation) and goes out the front door to smoke there (yet another building code violation).

I swear I don't understand how these people continue to survive. Isn't there some Darwin principle that is supposed to weed them out of societal evolution?

I Am A Cicada Haven!

This afternoon I was sitting outside all by my lonesome (this is what happens when you take lunch at 2 pm) at the picnic tables behind my office. I was being all calm, still, and Zen-like while working on a on kick ass illustration.

Well I go to brush some pencil and eraser shavings off of my lap when I see something black moving up my thigh. Sure enough it’s a cicada. I think, “aww how cute” and let it be. I keep drawing when suddenly I feel something touch my collar bone. I jumped in surprise. That little Cicada had crawled up my shirt and was perilously close to falling down inside my shirt. I plucked it off and put it on the ground. No sooner to I sit upright again, I find ANOTHER ONE on my thigh. This time I remove it immediately and place it on the ground too.

I’m still sitting there when another Cicada lands on my head then flies off again. I went to scratch the back of my neck and jumped in horror as my hand brushed one that was clinging to the inside of my shirt collar!

My lunch was almost over by this point so I packed up my stuff, did a thorough check for any more of the little buggers then headed back to my desk.

You know the ironic part about all of this is that I am (1) wearing the same boxers I had on the day that one Cicada got into my pants and (2) all these Cicadas are males! It is DEFINITELY Spring!

On another note, I left work again tonight at 8:30. *sigh* It was stormy out, but the clouds had parted enough that the most beautiful orange sunset could be seen. When I looked out of my driver side window toward the opposite horizon I saw a huge rainbow. That made me feel a lot better about leaving so late.

Fuckwittage Abounds!

Yesterday I received this e-mail from this guy in my area who saw a profile I had on a chat/dating site. He found my profile "intriguing," had run into Fuckwittage himself, and wanted to know if I'd like to chat or possibly hook up. He also provided a link to his profile.

Now this guy was cute but way too young (23 — sorry boys the minimum age requirement is 30. ) His profile seemed decent enough. Social drinker, didn't smoke, an active lifestyle. I was thinking this dude seems all right we could try chatting. That was until I saw his answer under the question "Other Vices." This dude had listen one thing, and I quote, "The Peace Pipe."

Now I ask you good people when you specify in your profile, as I did, that I was tired of Fuckwits and losers, you'd think someone who uses drugs would consider this a land of no entry. Well in this guys case the pot must have already devoured that portion of his brain (probably around the same time he was devouring a bag of Doritos while dreamily saying, "yo dude, I'm so stoned." -insert pot head giggles here-)

At first I didn't believe I read it right, so I read it again. And yes, sure enough there it was plain as day. I spent almost a half an hour composing a response letter that wasn't a flamethrower waiting to go off in a gasoline factory. What I came up with was this:

Thank you for your e-mail, I'm glad you found my profile intriguing. I am not interested in anything sexual and as for chatting I'm not so sure. I'll be blunt and say upfront the fact that you put under other vices "the peace pipe" is a turn off. Alcohol and cigarettes are one thing, but drug use (no matter how occasional) is quite another. It's not the kind of element I care to involve myself with. I will say though that it is good that you are at least upfront about it. Honesty is an important quality to have, and to be unafraid to be honest is even more important.

It was late and I was tired, and while I felt a little bad sending it, I knew it was the right thing to do. And then I got his reply this morning:

Thanks for the saged advice Mike, I'm sure your intentions were good. Although it's not like you specified, no drug use, in your profile. You might want to include that and save both parties some time. You also might want to look into the detrimental effects of alcohol and cigarettes in comparison to marijuana before you judge somebody because they were upfront about "the peace pipe". It makes you seem sheltered and that is a turn off. The next time somebody gives you a compliment try taking it, as is, instead of acting so self-righteous.

I was pissed. Reading this before morning coffee was so not the best thing to do. D can attest to it. I was half ready to fire off a response of epic fury, when she reminded me it was a stalemate situation and sending a reply would only generate more unpleasantness.

So instead I am turning here, to my blog. If you don't care to listen to yet another angry rant I suggest going to another page or entry now...

That half-baked little shit! How dare he insult me when he was the dumb fuck who e-mailed me in the first place knowing damn well I stated in my profile that one of the elements of Fuckwittage is "immature behavior!" I'm sorry little boy if you found my dulled down tongue too sharp (I should have given it to him with both barrels when I had the chance!), perhaps you should have used what is left of your brain cells and realized that smoking pot or doing any kind of drugs is not what most would consider "mature behavior." I shouldn't have to spell that out for you, though I think from now on I will. After all we are dealing with the clueless among us.

I truly love the line about "It makes you seem sheltered." Sheltered my ass! I've been around enough dead beats of his caliber and far better to know that when you get right down to it they are all the same - Depressed, emotionally fucked up individuals with little or no solid direction in their lives and very little concern for improving themselves or their situation.

And of course let's not forget the line about my not taking a compliment and being "self-righteous." I'm sorry, but I don't consider compliments from drug addicts very flattering. As for my "self-righteousness," I am highly opinionated and flat out honest. I may judge people at times or be a little overly critical but I do not make it a mode of operation. THAT is self-righteousness.

You know it's one thing if you smoked some pot as a teenager or tried drugs when you were young. I can understand that. But I have zero tolerance and zero patience for people that continue to use drugs and then try and justify it!

Ugh! I don't know why I even let myself get so pissed off. I think it has to do with the fact that I am completely fed up with immature overzealous men who seem to run in my direction and then act like a pack of bitches when I don't sugar coat the let down or pander to their delusional way of thinking.

I deserve quality in a relationship damn it! I demand it and I expect it! This is not a drill people! Either get your shit together before you come across to me or don't bother coming over at all!

Cicada Day

I don't quite know how to start this entry. Today was a good day. A very busy and hectic day, but a better one than yesterday. It was also a cicada day.

"A cicada day?" you say. Oh, yes, a cicada day. You see I worked late tonight and didn't get home until almost 6:30 am. I took Merlin for his afternoon walk then called up Verizon to correct something on my account. It was about this time, 7:30 pm or so, that I started hearing this intermittent buzzing. It sounded muffled like a fly behind window blinds. I checked the window blinds and no fly.

I ate dinner around 8 and heard the buzzing more and more. It was everywhere. First it sounded like it was over by the sink and then as I stood at the stove it sounded like it was coming from the pot where I had steamed broccoli. I looked everywhere and no insects anywhere.

At about 9:30 I got ready to take a shower. I had just taken off my boxers and was about to throw them in the clothes hamper when they started buzzing at me. I couldn't believe my ears. There was definitely constant buzzing now coming from the boxers. I held them warily and gently opened them. And there near the waist band at the rear INSIDE the boxers was a cicada! I shit you not. That little devil was clinging to the inside of my undies for dear life buzzing away and apparently attempting to shed its shell! I could hardly believe it. Amazingly I was very calm, more shocked then anything else. I swiftly wrapped a towel around my waist opened the front door and shook the little bugger out onto the front step, returned to the wilds at last!

I am still in a state of disbelief. HOW it crawled up the inside of my pant leg without my knowing is beyond me, but the fact it was pressed against my lower back for HOURS and I never felt it shocks me even more! If there's proof needed that they are not harmful and just annoying and will get anywhere, this is it!

A Very Sad Situation

I try to keep this blog as non-political as possible, but there are times I just cannot keep silent. I was reading today the reports about the young American contractor who was beheaded in Iraq.

I am disgusted beyond belief. There aren't enough words to describe how I feel. I don't know what angers me more, the reality of what that man faced at the end, or everything else that lead up to it? And let's not forget the hypocrisy. White House Press Secretary Scott McClellan was quoted as saying:

"Our thoughts and prayers are with his family. It shows the true nature of the enemies of freedom. They have no regard for the lives of innocent men, women and children."

That is all well and true, but the fact they can make such statements when they were partially responsible for this tragedy just blows me away. If it hadn't been for our government trying to cover up the 3 ring Bondage circus going on in the American run Iraqi prisons and had just forcibly removed this man from the country after he refused to leave, much of this could have been avoided.

I don't know how much more evil can be perpetrated before all of this will finally come to an end. I don't understand how human beings can be so hateful and evil. For humankind is a world of peace and tolerance truly nothing more than a dream?

IT Idiocy

I am mad enough to spit tacks! This morning I received the most "delightful" e-mail from my boss, which read:

Mike: You told me yesterday that (IT Contractor) had suggested the Adaware and Spybot. You must have misunderstood him at least in part — see his comment about Spybot below. (IT Contractor) and I have been discussing upgrading our PC procedures and safeguards and I will lead an effort on that soon. I hope that you would like to be involved. Nevertheless, in the future please be more careful about quoting (IT Contractor) on procedures if you are not sure. I need to keep clear on which are his opinions and which are your own. Thanks (Boss)

As for the IT Contractor's statements, here they are:

The Spybot and AdAware are only so good and will not get the real embedded stuff which is generally the worst stuff.

In the order of things I always:

1. Uninstall anything I can identify as suspicious,
2. Clean the Registry manually,
3. Run virus scan,
4. Run AdAware, download update first.
5. Delete any Program Files folders that are suspicious,
6. Re-boot, re-check the registry to see if anything re-propagated itself, clean as necessary,
7. Install Google Toolbar (with Advanced Features DISABLED) it has an excellent pop-up blocker for future prevention,
8. Use Windows Update to download and install all Critical Updates. Do this once a month, minimum.

That's what it takes to do it right.

I do not use Spybot as I have found it to be too aggressive and sometimes breaks good applications.

Run AdAware once a week, download update first, or immediately if you notice unusual behavior of a PC. Always download update first.

I am FURIOUS!!! That damn IT Contractor told me over the phone during a service call when I suggested using Adaware and Spybot on the PCs that "That's not a bad idea. They all need to be cleaned." If it's one thing I can't stand it's liars and fuckwits!!!! Especially when they make me out to be some kind of troublemaker! Yes Spybot is a bit aggressive, but if it's so aggressive and "bad" why does it have one of the highest ratings for spyware removal software on CNET in addition to being the #1 recommended program by computer administrators for removing spyware?!?! UGH! It pisses me off to no end.

You know what, fuck 'em. I'm just going to stay out of it from now on. I am not paid enough to put up with this constant bull shit and blundering. I'm going to do the bare minimum when it comes to trouble shooting tech problems and fixing PCs. I'll just look after my own unit and maintain it the way it should be maintained. Let them pay money to have the IT Contractor do more work and ultimately more jerry-rigging to keep our pathetic network running. We'll just see who has problems because of stupidity and who has problems because of prevention!

Lies, Betrayals, And Cover Ups

Was reading more today about the scandal with the abuse of the prisoners in Iraq by members of the American armed forces. Many of the photos that were presented as evidence have now become public.

I am thoroughly sickened. Did these people honestly think they wouldn't get caught and that this wouldn't cause an international uproar? And how the Hell could they not have been trained on the code of conduct set down by the Geneva Convention?! Ugh! More Fuckwits at large! It makes me sick. Yet another fatal blow to the United States international image and reputation. It's bad enough we already look and in some ways act like a bully in the sandbox but then these uneducated fuckers have to go and do shit like this and further drag our name through the mud. I think they should all be discharged and jailed!

And our so-called leader and his denial of knowledge. More lies, betrayals, and cover ups. President Bush and his administration are a disgrace to the United States and it's people. They should all be removed from office immediately and held accountable.

You know a friend of mine pointed out today that the people and the government were screaming for impeachment when Clinton got a BJ in the Oval Office, yet nobody is doing anything about President Bush's direct involvements in such horrendous crimes against other nations and peoples in addition to his betrayal of the people of the United States.

Just what kind of a screwed up world are we living in anyway? It makes me both sad and happy that I will never bring children into this world. We are becoming more and more a foul and corrupt species I wouldn't want to damn anyone to the future that we shall create and pass on.

Bonjour!

Today was ho-hum and very cold. It finally warmed up a bit but not enough to make a big difference. I want the 70-degree weather back damn it!

I felt strangely out of place digging through my closet and pulling out winter clothes to wear. I inadvertently ended up wearing my black jeans, black long sleeve thermal shirt, and dress shoes. I looked like I was en route to a casual dress funeral. Might as well have been as cold as it was. I felt in a way that I was mourning Spring.

This afternoon when I got home and took Merlin for his walk, this kid (who was dressed like a thug and looking lost in suburbia) asked me if I was French! When I performed a self-examination of my attire I realized that yes, in some offbeat way I looked like a French artist minus the beret (and the smell, and the cigarettes, and the whine...).

*sigh* (or should that be *le sigh*?) Life and people never cease to amaze me.

Mysteries of Life

Why is it that whenever I am in a hurry I can never find my underwear?

I'm serious, everytime I am pressed for time my underwear miraculously vanishes! Like this morning for example. I had to make a very concentrated effort to be to work on time today because our board members were coming in to have their monthly meeting. Seeing as how I am up for a promotion I don't want to be late and make a bad impression.

Well, I overslept (as usual) and am running around like a chicken with my head cut off trying to get ready and what happens? I can't find my underwear! True, it would have helped had I actually folded my last load of laundry but that isn't the point. Here I am in the midst of a crisis, frantically tearing through a pile of clothes, and I can't find a single pair of boxer briefs. *sigh*

Fortunately I finally found a pair, and just in time too because I had almost given up hope and was about to resort to drastic measures we won't even discuss. I made it out the door and had to drive like more of a bat out of Hell than usual in order to make it to work on time.

All told I ran 3 stop signs, 4 red lights, and cut off half a dozen people but I made it there on time damn it! And as I proudly sat down feeling triumphant I remembered that the board members weren't even due in the office until 11 am! *sigh*

Happy Earth Day!

Yes people it's Earth Day. So do the planet a favor and stop driving those big ass gas guzzling SUV's of yours and get sensible mid-sized cars!

And to all you marketing people out there, update your FUCKING mailing lists! All those outdated names and addresses on all those crap mailings of yours only end up in the trash and ultimately in a land fill.

Now that I've had my daily bitch session, time for some ice cream.

Everyone Loves A Wedding

Another Daphne and Mike social event goes down in a blaze of glory. Sam & Awilda's wedding was in a word, fabulous. Elegant, not overdone, and short. We are talking about a 30 minute ceremony and then off to the reception. Now THAT is how a wedding should be carried out! We had such a good time. It was the best wedding I have yet attended. And yes there are some funny stories (when are there not?).

First off, we inadvertently ended up wearing matching outfits. D was originally going to wear a coral dress but the cleaner's shrunk it. I had already bought a chartreuse shirt (which she hadn't seen) to compliment her dress so she tried to find another dress that would compliment my shirt. Well she ended up pulling out a little black dress she already had and bought some chartreuse heals and a matching wrap. She told me on the phone that it was a green wrap with matching heels as I had only said that my shirt was a bright green. It wasn't until I got to her place that we realized our outfits matched perfectly. *sigh*

At the reception just about EVERYONE not only thought our matching outfits were planned but that we were dating or married! One man at our table said we were "The best dressed couple at the wedding next to the bride and groom." LOL

D's reaction was "Are these people blind?! Can't they tell you're flamingly Gay?!" I was like "Maybe they're thinking 'that poor girl, doesn't she realize her boyfriend is Gay?" We got so many good laughs about it. Especially when I turned to her at one point and said very seriously, "I guess I'm your perfect match after all." Though frighteningly enough we have come to realize that as part of some sick cosmic joke no one has told us about that people at social events constantly think we are dating. *sigh* I told her we should get her a T-shirt that says, "I've found the perfect man. Too bad he's Gay."

But the funniest part came when it was time for the garter toss. I inadvertently ended up at the front of the crowd of men and in the dead center. The groom didn't do a spectacular job throwing it, so it only went a few feet from him... and straight at me! I didn't even have to move. All I did was reach out and pluck it out of the air! LOL

It was too funny. But the best part came when I had to place the garter on the leg of the woman who caught (try DIVED!) for the bouquet. They brought out a blindfold, put it on me, and positioned me on one knee in front of the chair this woman was sitting on. I knew something was up but not what exactly.

While I was blindfolded they switched the woman on me and when I put the garter on I noticed I hit a bump. At first I thought I had hit this poor girl's crotch (as she was wearing skin tight Capri pants!). Well they tore the blindfold off and there in front of me is an ex-marine! Too bad he was (a) married and (b) not good looking. He had taken his left sock and shoe off and had his pant leg rolled up to the knee (the rolled fabric was what I struck when putting the garter on.) Had it been a different crowd I would have jumped in his lap and REALLY given them a show! The irony of the situation was too much. The DJ was like "You're such a good sport. You get to put it on her for real this time." I had to stop myself from blurting out "Aww, do I have to?" I did it though and we got pictures with the Bride and Groom. And yes, I got to keep the garter as a souvenir.

The Groom said to me, "Didn't you feel the hair on his leg?" to which his delightfully sassy wife snapped, "Maybe she didn't shave, how was he suppossed to know!?" then turning to me said, "It's ok honey. You did fine." I had to stifle the throws of laughter building up inside me. To be honest my hands were spread so far apart on the garter that I didn't touch the guy's leg at all so I really had no clue that I was putting the thing on a man until they took the blind fold off!

It was so much fun but so very tiring. I feel like I didn't have much of a weekend only because it was so high energy. I am looking forward to being home this coming weekend and not having to be anywhere.

I Got Mari Iijima's Autograph!!!

I kid you not. I have in my hot little Otaku hands a poster signed by Mari herself! I ordered this poster from her website so I could get it signed by her in person on May 18^th. Well it arrived today and when I opened it up to look at it, there in big as anything black Sharpie, was Mari's signature!

I was totally freaking out. Poor Merlin was frightened... Then I thought maybe I had seen it wrong and that it was actually just printed on the poster, but no she had in deed signed it. In fact she even smeared the tail on one of the letters!

I am so psyched. This is EXACTLY the sort of thing I needed today, especially since I decided this afternoon not to go to L.A. on the 18^th. Sad but true, the concert is only an hour and given the amount of expense I would have to put out it's just not practical. *sigh* I'll have to wait for another time...

In the mean time I can gaze at my lovely signed poster and beam with happiness. As soon as this bloody rain lets up I am going to the store and buying a frame! I still don't know how I am going to store/display the mail tube it came in though. After all I can't throw it away, she hand wrote my address on it! I am Otaku.

Roadside Entertainment

OK 4 hours in the car barely moving on the beltway while it steadily poured rain is NOT fun. I am completely exhausted. Note to self: do not visit elderly relatives on holidays.

Thank God my sister Laura was with me. At least I had some amusement other then spotting various men pulled off on the side of the road pissing!

I so wish I was kidding, but sad to say there they stood (at various points along the trip) backs to the traffic with feet of urine spouting forth. What's even worse was 5 feet away were bushes they could have discreetly gone into!

I swear, men have no shame or common sense. It makes me very afraid sometimes when I think about that fact in relation to the reality that men are what comprise my dating pool...

In Search of Fabulous Clothing

I went shopping today for a dress shirt and some new dress shoes for a wedding I am doing with D to next weekend.

The shoes were easy to find, the shirt was a problem. D is wearing a coral dress so I need something that matches. Couldn't find a coral dress shirt so the only option I had left was a lime green/chartreuse sort of color.

Well I had to go to 3 department stores with no luck. One salesman tried to sell me a white shirt that had (I shit you not) electric blue, chartreuse, hot pink, and yellow, checked lines. I took one look at it and him and said, "That's tacky." God, I'm such a bitch sometimes.

I finally found exactly what I wanted at Express Men. It pissed me off though because they are way over priced (more so than the department stores). Plus I ended up buy 3 dress shirts as they had a gorgeous one that was deep crimson plus I simply couldn't pass up this very nice fuchsia one they had. And before you make any comments, it just so happens that pinks of all shades, especially fuchsia, is the new "in" color for men both Gay and Straight this season!

Normally I don't follow fashion but I have been looking for an excuse (other than being Gay) to buy a fuchsia dress shirt for ages. Plus there was a marine in the store with his girlfriend who ended up buying a suit and the same fuchsia shirt plus a matching pink and black tie. I was dying. It totally cracked me up. The shirt was enough but the tie was too much. Even I wouldn't go THAT far. Just goes to show you how even "macho men" can be easily whipped by their girlfriends.

And wouldn't you know after all my searching and being picky D calls me to say that the coral dress isn't fitting right after getting it back from the cleaners so she is going with a black one instead! Oh well, I needed some new dress shirts anyway.

Pimps, Players, And Punks

Life is full of pimps, players, and punks and I have just realized that I have been dissed by one of the three.

A "gentleman" I have known for several months, who I considered a friend, just gave me a virtual slap in the face. We'll call him "R" for convenience sake. "R" wasn't an extremely close friend, but close enough to matter. He was a witty conversationalist and a real pleasure to talk to. He recently was away for a month and a half on business. In that time we lost touch and recently got back into touch, but only briefly.

Within the last 2 weeks "R" has just suddenly stopped responding to my instant messages and e-mails for no apparent reason. Tonight he ignored me for almost 15 minutes. I finally asked him what was up and if he didn't want to speak to me, to just tell me rather then not saying anything at all. He didn't reply. 5 minutes went by and then he logged off.

I am royally pissed off. Here is a person to whom I lent a shoulder to during a difficult time and valued as a new friend with the potential to become a better friend. I am hurt. To just not speak to someone without at least telling them, "I don't want to talk to you" is rude and callous. You don't necessarily need to explain your reasons, though it is the courteous thing to do, but you at least need to tell them something. Only the worse kind of coward just leaves someone hanging on waiting with no explanation.

As D told me tonight when I called her up to rail, "Honey, sometimes you just gotta burn the bridge." Advice I might add I recently gave her about a similar situation she was going through. *sigh* These things are never easy and I know she's right. So really I don't have any other options left, it's time to strike a match and watch the flaming timbers fall into the chasm below.

This sucks. I think I'm going to finish that chocolate cake from Saturday...

Screwed By Uncle Sam

I am EXTREMELY PISSED! I just filed my federal and state tax returns. Guess what, I owe them money! And why? Because when I got a bloody raise last November accounts fucked up and didn't withhold enough taxes from my paychecks.

I am so pissed off I could scream. Who am I kidding, I've been screaming! Arg! There are some wounds only pizza and chocolate cake can soothe. Good thing I have aerobics Thursday...

Long Ago And Far Away...

I saw today on CD Japan that the original Cutey Honey TV series and its theatrical counterpart are finally being released on DVD in Japan. There was a preorder for this limited box set that contains all the episodes, the movie, and a whole bunch of extra goodies. It was pretty affordable too. Too bad they ran out of stock so I can't get one. I was so disappointed. Which is silly really because I don't speak enough Japanese to understand the show for one thing. Second I don't own a region free DVD player.

After I sulked at the listing I then went and decided to check out some fan subbing groups, hoping maybe I could find an old fan sub of the series. I shouldn't have been surprised by what I found but I was. The lists of subbing groups were like headstones in a cemetery. Row after row of defunct groups and broken links. "Last Updated" messages with dates 2 and 3 years old. A sad sight indeed.

The world of Anime in the U.S. is changing. Hell, it's been changing for a long time, but this is one of those times when I am painfully reminded just how much it is changing. Anime has become so mainstream that the special quality the genre had is almost gone. And because there is such a market here for it, the Japanese have begun to tailor new series to a more Western audience. It's terrible.

The older Otaku are fading into the shadows while the new fans (they are NOT true Otaku!) buy up the latest hit series without any real knowledge of what came before. They have no sense of the past and certainly no reverence for it. To them it's all about what's hip, cool, and now. And with so much Anime being released commercially, the increased cost, and the lack of interest in the community has forced most fan subbing groups to close down.

The old institutions are failing crumbling into dust on the ground. It is very sad. When I was much younger I wanted to start a fan sub group. And while that notion still lives on in my heart a little, for the most part the dream has died.

I Am Otaku

I am such a crazed Otaku. I called up the Genghis Cohen tonight and booked a dinner reservation for Mari Iijima's upcoming concert! The gentleman who took my order seemed a little surprised I was asking for a reservation 6 weeks in advance. He told me they hadn't even released the May calendar of events yet! Boku wa Otaku — I am Otaku.

Stressed Out

Today was a crazy ass day. There was construction on my way to work so it took me longer to get to work and I was already running late as usual. Then our toaster decided to malfunction and burn my toast (note: NOT a bagel) to smithereens thus setting off the fire alarm (yet again). I had to call the engineers office and explain it to them. They were not amused. Unfortunately they couldn't cancel the alarm to the fire department in time so I then had to explain to a fireman in full blaze gear that this was all the result of our fucked up toaster. I even showed him the chared slices as evidence. He didn't seem moved one way or the other. *sigh*

Then I realized I left my gym bag at home so I had to use my lunch hour to go retrieve it. I hit the construction again and this time it was worse. They were doing pipeline repair! On my way back I hit Wendy's and got a cheeseburger I didn't want for lunch, which of course was cold by the time I got back to the office.

The rest of the day was dull but busy. So busy in fact I was almost late for Pilates! I basically got there 2 minutes before class started so I didn't have a chance to stretch out properly beforehand like I usually do. The result was that I was stiff and unable to do the exercises properly. *sigh*

On my way home I had to stop at the grocery store and get some things, and well it was already 7:40 and Wendy's (the same one I went to this afternoon) was right there and despite my attempts to resist I stopped and got ANOTHER cheeseburger! I have no discipline! In the grocery store I came eye to eye with a Twinkies display and barely pulled myself away only to get into my car and be seduced by Wendy's. The worst part was, the same man who had taken my payment that afternoon was still there when I pulled up to the window. I was so humiliated. *sigh*

"I Wanna Drink"

Spent the weekend at Daphne's. OMG! We had way too much fun. Friday night we didn't do much. Just ate and talked. Too damn exhausted from working out the week. Plus traffic was a bitch so it took us forever to get t her place.

But Saturday was a different story. Saturday we had to do the games for the baby shower. We spent most of the day running around getting the supplies and doing last minute trouble shooting with the game mechanics. At around 5 the guests started arriving. There were about 45 people all told. Way more than last time. Everyone who had been at the last shower arrived complete with kids in tow. *shudders* Like typical children they ran wild throughout the house turning the nice cream carpet grey in their wake. I kid you not. We were on our hands and knees for hours afterwards trying to scrub out the stains those little beasts created! They were all rowdy and a bit rude but not overly obnoxious, at least to us. Except for this one child. We dubbed her "The Fat One!" or TFO for short. This kid is like 7 and huge! Now I know this sounds mean, and honestly I am usually the first to call people out on this sort of thing, but this kid was RUDE! She was at the last party and basically was the ringleader behind most of the trouble the other girls at the party got into. Plus she was the #1 producer of stains on the carpet!

On this occasion she didn't cause much in the way of trouble but did stain the carpet and outdid herself in rudeness. She wouldn't politely ask for what she wanted, instead she would charge and demand. D was standing at the counter fixing a drink and the little water buffalo comes up and slams into her leg, WHAM! (amazingly her hip didn't shatter upon impact!). Then says, "I wanna drink." The voice of an angel she might have but all D could hear was the raspy croaks of a middle-aged nicotine addict. And true to form she responded to this hit and demand with "I don't give drinks to minors." Being too young to get this joke TFO responded with another slight thud and "I'm thirsty." Apparently her Jesus freak parents hadn't taught her any manors. "Amen" she might know but "Please" and "Thank You" somehow didn't make it into the Sunday school curriculum.

And speaking of the Jesus freaks, her parents, particularly her mother kept giving me the Christian Eye of Death. Apparently nobody told her Satan's Right Hand Bakla was invited to the party. Had she known I'm sure I would have found myself doused in holy water and Rosaries.

This woman was relentless. Early on in the party she ran around like a chicken with her head cut off because she NEEDED (I'm serious, she was crazed) a cassette tape player so she could sing this song to the expectant mother while she opens her gifts. Isn't there some law about subjecting unsuspecting pregnant women to off key Christian karaoke? Anyway Christian Cult Mother or CCM for short, was in fits when D and her sister informed her that theirs was a CD using household. Upon hearing this she demanded that they turn the household upside down and magically produce one. Later D's sister was like "Well let's see I've got some wire, some chopsticks, and some spools of thread I'll just whip one up ala Macguver style." CCM eventually found a solution of sorts, but D and I split the scene as soon as she started on this sermon (much to the crowd's chagrin) about motherhood being the highest honor a woman can achieve and that we are all equal in God's eyes. Conveniently enough I happened to be standing behind her. It was all I could do not to interrupt and go "Now say that genuinely while looking me in the eyes." Damn nutterist hypocrites. What cracked me up even more was that while she was proclaiming the glory of being a mother her spawn were running amuck upstairs.

As for the games they were um… interesting. At first when we started there was minimal interest. Then we did this game where the players had to roll up their pant legs and we placed a large plastic egg covered in lotion just below their knees. Then they had to walk this egg over to a pot and drop it in. It was a freakish success, with the crowd chanting for their next victim. Which somehow I became one of. OMG! It was frightening. Freakier still was that one minute they were playing and the next they were like "New game!" It was like they instantly lost interest and were prepared to shout "off with their heads" if we didn't produce something new fast!

The final game of the evening was a children's game where in we had 36 balloons filled with pieces of paper. Only one had the word baby written on it. The kids basically had to pop the balloons and find the paper. OMG! Those kids descended upon those balloons like hungry wolves. After they were done savaging and pillaging I looked at D and was like, "I need a stiff drink." She was like, "We have some wine upstairs." To which I replied, "You don't understand I seriously need a stiff drink, Bourbon, Vodka, Gin, Something!" Thankfully there was some orange flavored Vodka in the freezer (I didn't even bother to check the label I was that desperate). I mixed it with some Ginger Ale and half the glass later I was much calmer.

After the party and the clean up D and I had bowls of ice cream and a good laugh fest recounting the evening. One thing is clear, no more party games! Not for at least 6 months anyway.

Sunday we went shopping and D had some car polish we used to buff the paint scuffs off of my car. Upon buffing though I discovered that the minor scrapes near the gouge in my fender are actually not paint scuffs but more scrapped off paint. They were only primer level deep whereas the gouge is all the way to black plastic of the bumper. I was and still am PISSED. I also found some cheap looking blue paint marks, apparently from the culprit. If I ever find that car in the parking lot I swear I'm going to key it in vengeance! Hell hath no fury like a Gay man scorned!

On my way home I stopped in at Heather's place (not before getting lost that is) and stayed for a little while. It's been a while since I've seen her. I couldn't stay long but we may try to get together this coming weekend.

Cravings

My body is totally fucked up! This morning I woke up at 5 am craving Twinkies and Hostess Cupcakes!!! Maybe I'm pregnant...

Feed Me

OK, What the fuck!?! Ever since I started working out I have developed these insatiable cravings for beef and chocolate!!!

BTW, step aerobics practically killed me!!

St. Patrick's Day Party

Well the St. Patrick's Day party was a blast! I'm not hung over but I am VERY tired. I went to bed around 3:30 or 4 in the morning and had to get up at 11:30 cause I had a christening party to go to. Ah, well I can go to bed early tonight.

As for the party itself, as I stated it was a blast. A very nice guy I know recommended I try a favorite drink of his which consists of Raspberry Stoli and cranberry juice, so I brought all the ingredients to the party to make it. WOW what a fabulous cocktail! I drank a third of that bottle (the rest being consumed by some of the ladies there who also loved the drink). I must have had 5 or 6 of those cocktails and got quite trashed. And I had eaten an entire pizza before the party so I wouldn't get drunk as fast too!

One of the guests had brought her karaoke machine so I belted out a duet with her on the song "Unforgettable." Then a little later I did a three-way sing-a-long with the hostess and my brother's girlfriend on "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun." And yes there is plenty of embarrassing and videotape of all this.

Though the highlight of the evening had to be my mock pole dance with a 3ft wrought iron candlestick! Apparently my brother's girlfriend became notorious because of this one party where she danced with this same candlestick. Well the hostess persuaded her to do it again and well a lot of the gals were joining in and when the hostess looked at me and shouted "Mike, come on!" I simply couldn't resist! Eyes popped and jaws hit the floor as I got down and dirty with that candlestick. One of my brother's friends this morning phrased it perfectly when he said, "Mike you didn't dance with that candlestick you fucked it!" And yes there are pictures of this, and yes they will be posted as soon as I get copies!

My poor brother, he was so traumatized. He kept saying, "Look at this, you've given me more grey hairs! It's all your fault!" Hehehe

The only thing that came close to topping the candlestick dance was when I was egged on by one of the guys to "flash my tits" for some Mardi Gras beads. My brother was like "No, stop, he'll do it!" Too late, up came my shirt to much cheering and some shocked faces as some of the guests caught site of my nipple rings. Top that Janet Jackson!

Everything started winding down around 3 in the morning, though the hostess and I both got the attack of the munchies and tore the kitchen apart in a feeding frenzy. I devoured 2 chicken and broccoli hot pockets, half a bag of gold fish, and some queso and chips!

Ok, wow, reading this I sound like a crazy ass alcoholic whore! LOL Well it's not like I carry on that way all the time or every time I party. Besides one should let go and be wild once in a while... I can hardly wait until next year's St. Patrick's Day party.

Good News

Well it looks like I am FINALLY getting a promotion! Yay! They are still working out the details, and my new title and salary won't be given until after the upcoming board meeting, but tomorrow I start training to take over our customer service department. My new position will comprise of my current essential tasks which pretty much fit perfectly into the demands of the Customer Service position. However, I won't officially take over the department until the end of May, as that is when the current head is retiring. Still, I am very excited.

I also read today that according to two recent polls, the number of American's in favor of legalizing Gay marriage is going up. Yes, going up! Am so happy. Though a large portion still favor "civil unions" it seems that over 50% of American's feel that homosexual couples should be able to join in some sort of union that gives them the same benefits as married heterosexuals.

Also, tonight on 60 Minutes II they had a story about San Francisco's Mayor Gavin Newsom who started legally marrying Gay couples, and he was or is a conservative! His issuing of marriage licenses to same sex couples prompted other legal figures in other states to do the same thing.

But even more awesome about Mayor Newsom's action is the example it sets. He knew that by issuing legal marriage liscences to Gay couples that it could possibly jeopardized his political career, yet he did it anyway because he saw an injustice and decided to take a stand. That takes real strength and courage. He is a true hero, not just to those of us who are homosexual but to those who believe in justice and doing the right thing.

Sweet Defiance

Well, it's been a while since my last entry and I am happy to report that I am doing 100% better. Still don't know what caused my unfortunate ailment but I am happy it's over.

Things have been so busy these past few weeks. I'm up for a possible promotion at work and one of my best friends, Miriam, left this evening for Denmark. She's going to be student teaching abroad for 2 months. Wish I could go to Europe for 2 months... Ah, well she is working there after all. But still, it would be something different. I swear, this year I will go away somewhere for a week and have a real vacation!

In other exciting news I was reading about how small cities in New York are now marrying Gay couples. It's spreading everywhere now. Oh, the sweet defiance against unconstitutional laws! I am very happy. The conservative religious nutters are screaming "Anarchy" while the conservative Democrats (does such a thing exist) only push for "Civil Unions." It reminds me of a line from Janis Ian's song Society's Child that goes, "Preachers of equality think they believe it, then why won't they just let us be?"

The time is now people. It's time to tear down the last remaining acceptable discriminations in our society. We were a country founded on the basis of religious and intellectual freedom and it's about damn time we fully live up to that proud heritage!

As a reflection of my very positive feelings I have selected We Will Win from Robotech to be the Song of the Moment. Yes it's corny but Hell it's a great little battle anthem and one of the few tolerable vocals by the dear Ms. West.

Very Pissed Off

Well I am VERY pissed off. I called the body shop today and they are STILL not done with my car. Now they are telling me NEXT Friday it will be ready.

Apparently there was more damage that was found (which I expected) once they tore the car apart and it will take more time to repair it. Fortunately they have all the parts on site. What has me pissed off though is that it is evident that they only recently started working on the car. How do I know this? They have had the new paneling for about 3 weeks, yet as of today (the day the car was supposed to be ready to go) those panels have only been primed. Yes, primed! Even if there hadn't been any other damage to the car, I still could not have taken it because the panels are not even painted!!

I am froth with anger and frustration. And of course I had to call them AGAIN today in order to find all this out. And what's more, the mechanic had to talk to his tech first (who was at lunch) and then call me back to give me a clearer date of when the car would be ready. 4 HOURS LATER I had to call him back and inquire as to what the new date was, because he had forgotten to even talk to his tech and call me back!

URG!!!!!! I am so mad I could spit tacks! I need to step away from this for a bit, but tomorrow I am calling the insurance company and finding out what I can do about getting extended coverage for a rental.

*sigh*

By the way, I burnt another bagel this morning and set the fire alarms off again. At least this time the cute building engineer gave me a big grinning smile and said "try toast!"

A Bagel Burning

Well today started off rather amusingly. Everyday I cook an onion bagel in the toaster at work (yes, unlike most of America I don't suffer from carbophobia), slather it in cream cheese, and down a cup of coffee. I am not approachable before or during this ritual.

Well, today when I walked away to finish booting up my PC, the bagel got stuck trying to come out of the toaster and burned to a crisp. Amazingly there weren't gobs of smoke, but apparently it was enough to set off the smoke detector in our office, which triggered the fire alarm. Mind you we have a lot of false fire alarms in my building so most of us paid no attention to it, whereas more cautious tenants fled from the building.

It wasn't until the alarms wouldn't stop going off for almost 10 minutes when the rest of us became concerned. Fortunately the VERY cute building engineer came up and was like, "Did you all burn something?" and of course I coquettishly replied that I did (I am such a shameless flirt... ). This man who is normally in better spirits seemed a little annoyed but went away without another word.

All in all it was a funny situation. Though our skiezy VP was a bit crotchety when he found out it was my bagel that set off the alarm. He did his usual, "I'm going to act cool about this while I passively slip in a scolding comment" routine. *sigh* Some people are so uptight...

Tomorrow is D-day, or so I hope. My beautiful Cherry Popper should be ready for me to pick up tomorrow afternoon. *sigh* I can hardly wait...

Bastardizing Pepsi

Today was an interesting day. Lots of interesting headlines today: signs of water on Mars, surprise evidence in the Martha Stewart trial, baseball player Kazuhito Tadano starring in Gay porn (there's one trying to crawl back into the closet after the door's been blown off with TNT), and of course the bastardization of Pepsi.

Yes you read right. My beloved soft drink has sold out to the likes of Britney Spears, Beyonce Knowles and Pink! Are they trying to get the image of being the "cheap" soda? At this rate why don't they just change their product's name to "Hooch Cola" and be done with it. I'm sorry, but Madonna and the flaming crosses commercial was more tasteful then Britney, Beyonce, and Pink as female Gladiators... What's next, Lil' Kim as the spokeswoman for Kraft Singles? Oh, wait they already have a cow as their mascot...

Fed Up With Fuckwits

I have HAD IT with the Gay men in DC and their catty, cliquecentric, Emotional Fuckwittage!

Last night 2 friends and I went out to a club in DC. We figured we'd dance, have a drink or two, and maybe even meet some cute guys. What did we encounter instead? Nothing but hordes of "beautiful people" (you know, the A-listers of everyone's high school years now long past). And of course pretty much every man in the place was pre-partnered and sucking on the cancer sticks like a national ban was going in effect any minute. And talk about attitude! The pretension and snobbery was so bad even the bartenders had an attitude problem.

But the worst came when each of us individually and together noticed multiple groups of men standing around laughing and making fun of us! Whether a single person or the entire group, NOTHING was safe from these men even their own friends!

Vulgar is the only word that comes to mind that can even begins to describe my disgust of last nights exposé. I had stopped socializing in DC for the most part because of such behavior. Last night has only reaffirmed my stance against DC's Gay nightlife and the city in general. If Washington caught fire I wouldn't waste my piss on the flames!

I am thoroughly in a funk now.

Zen And The Art of Being Furious

I have tried to take all of this as calmly and rationally as possible. To see the higher good and find the inner Zen of my new situation. But sometimes you just cannot be calm, rational or Zen!

This afternoon at lunch I went to move the Ghetto Hopper so I could take some photos of it and discovered much to my rage that the battery was DEAD! Yes, dead! That piece of Ghetto crap just died on me. I was livid and ready to castrate the first rental car representative I came in contact with. I called them up and ripped them a new one and demanded a replacement. I had called them yesterday to report the problems I was having with the vehicle and they disregarded them. Ha, Ha who's laughing now!?!

Was it rational, calm, or Zen of me to explode at them? No, but I don't give a damn at this point! I might have sinned by wrecking my Cherry Popper but penance has its limits!

Fortunately within the hour they came, jumped the Ghetto Hopper and drove it away, leaving me with another rental car. This one is a silver 2002 Suzuki Aero. I have dubbed it the "Mini Tank" because that is how it looks and feels. The seat sits up very high and the leg space is a bit cramped, but it is a little dynamo! This baby has breaks that work, a clean interior, and lots of get up and go! I am as satisfied as I am going to get with a rental. It's not my Cherry Popper but it is a decent substitute.

I have still not heard from the body shop about the estimate for fixing my car and what exactly is broken and in need of replacement. I am both perturbed and concerned about this. I hope everything will be ok...

Irony of Fate

It never ceases to amaze me how whimsical people can be. One minute they say they want one thing and the next it's something else. Like the wind, hearts can and do suddenly change direction.

Am I speaking of anyone in particular? Perhaps... Of late I have met so many people who don't know what they want or are afraid to take hold of what they desire, even when it is right there in front of them with open arms. Myself included... And though it happens time and time again I can't help but feel hurt whenever I am the victim of someone else's change of heart.

Life can be very lonely at times, and it seems that the goals we work so hard to reach can so easily slip away before we even have a chance to grasp them. What a cruel irony of fate.

Epiphany

I have been thinking a lot lately about how I've strayed from the path of my true passion and calling: art. Don't get me wrong I generally enjoy what I do, especially web mastering, but I know this is not what I want and am meant to be doing with the whole of my life.

I have been searching these past few weeks for answers to why that is and how I can get back. Because of my debts and financial needs I have to work, so schooling is something that must come second and part-time. That's the road I chose to take and I don't regret it. I would go crazy being locked away in the corridors of knowledge. I need to work. I love living in the real world and not being fooled by the smoke and mirrors of institutions. I am not discounting learning, I just believe in other methods and fields for gaining knowledge.

I had planned in fact to start classes for a B.A. in Business Management this month but that fell through due to finances. I figured I'd start next fall. But a few days ago I finally accepted that I don't want a degree in Business Management. I don't want to study that. But then what can I study? I need a practical job after all.

And then it hit me tonight at dinner with Heather. Graphic Design. I should study that. Mind you I had this thought a millennia ago but never really got it until now.

I realize now that I have been running away from myself. I love my art and to create but I have been afraid to truly stand behind it. To take a chance on it. Instead of pursuing a career in art firsthand, I made it a backseat occupation and locked myself into more "practical" settings. I've been afraid of my abilities. Afraid of my potential. Afraid of failure. I know that getting a B.A. in Graphic Design will take just as long as getting a B.A. in Business Management, but I can get enough certification training in the mean time that I will be able to move into the field sooner and start get job experience. I don't have delusions that it will be easy but I know it will feel right. And that is what is important.

My future has no limits. Tomorrow is a new day...