Resurfacing
I received an e-mail the other day from a close friend of mine that contained the address to a blog. Not just any blog mind you, but the blog of my ex-best friend from High School, Megan. I have discussed this topic here before but seeing the blog, reading some of the entries, caused a resurfacing of feelings and emotions I had long since thought put to bed. That isn't to say that I haven't made closure with the situation, because I have, but some memories are forever and beneath the deepest of scars there is always a layer of sensitive skin.
Being a slow time at work I spent a good 3 hours reading through a large chunk of the entries. Megan has moved on with her life and is a lot more stable and settled then when I knew her. Her choice of career is not what I would have anticipated but very fitting given her personality and nature and she is even a home owner and coupled. Yet, underneath the adult persona and responsibility is the same carefree, lighthearted girl I went to school with. Part of her has remained, and I suspect always will, timeless.
Reading her entries made me smile and also a little melancholy. I was reminded of the good times, the years we spent sharing confidences and dreams, passions and hobbies. But the more I read the more I found that while I was reminded of those times I saw no reflections on her part about them. All of her entries related to the immediacy of the moment and were relatively devoid of deep introspective thoughts. That made me very sad as a part of me was hoping to find validation that, like myself, there is a place inside of her that remembers those times fondly and is sad they didn't last. Of course not everyone bears their soul in their blog, lord knows I probably share too much as it is. Plus, she always was a very private person so I shouldn't really be surprised that she isn't publishing her innermost feelings for global consumption.
I'm much older and wiser and know all too well that closure comes from within, that there will always be certain questions I'll never know the answers to. Looking back now I can see even more clearly just how much alike Megan and I were. Even after all these years, the lives we've both led since going our separate ways have been more similar than dissimilar. With all that I know of human nature I doubt we could have kept our friendship in tact over the years anyway. Maybe we would have become distant friends instead of strangers, who can say? Our similarities and dominant personalities is what brought us together and ultimately pulled us apart. There wasn't room for us both in the relationship, and that wasn't any one person's fault, it's just the way it is sometimes.
We have both learned a lot and grown since our years together at school. I'm genuinely happy for her, happy to see that her life has become less chaotic and that she is happy. I wish her all the best and continued happiness in the years to come. There is still a long life ahead to live, and while we'll never be friends again, I hope that in a few years time when we meet again at our reunion we can look each other in the eyes and feel nothing but peace and good will towards each other.
