Fly Too High
Well I have learned (yet again) that there really can be too much of a good thing. On Monday my doctor gave me a prescription for an anti-depressant along with a few starter packets. I was on this medication once before many years ago when I had my breakdown and had excellent results. It leveled out my brain chemistry and moods without making me feel giddy or doped up. All good things.
Given my success last time I was very comfortable going back on it again. Since it had been so long ago I had forgotten a lot about what it took last time to get the dosage level adjusted correctly. All I remember is that the elevations in my mood were subtle, so you can imagine my surprise how great I felt Tuesday when I started taking the meds. I noticed within 20 minutes of taking the daily pill that my mood was lighter and I felt better. By Tuesday night I was having hyperactive dreams and a few twitches (which I figured where normal and would go away) and Wednesday morning woke up at 6:30 am, was wide awake, and felt like Superman. I felt so fucking good I was grinning and wanted to run out in the street and flip a car over. I was extra cheery, got to work super early and felt just great. Wednesday night I slept even worse than the night before and Thursday was tired and not as wire but still quite unnaturally.
Now most people would be concerned by this at this point but not me. I figured my body was just adjusting to the medication and despite feeling faux-happiness even at the most inappropriate times it was fine. Being high was better than being low. I had tons of energy and was starting to kick ass again, the world was a better place.
This morning I woke up feeling like shit, I didn't sleep very well again last night and my head, particularly my eyes hurt. I found a message from my mother before heading to work that said she was concerned I was having adverse reactions to my medication and she wanted me to go get checked out. In case I didn't believe her (since she can be a bit of a hypomomdriac) she pointed out that my pupils are unnaturally dilated and I look like a drug addict. Naturally I didn't believe her and was quite scared when I looked in the mirror and saw that indeed my pupils were so large you could see into another dimension. I thought about this and the terrible pain in my eyes on my way to work and decided to at least look up the side effects of the drugs. I don't remember experiencing this the last time.
Sure enough, according to the drug facts I found online, I was experiencing side effects, dilated pupils being one of them. What I found didn't concern me, everything seemed relatively routine except my pupils were a little too dilated and the eye pain was a sign of increased eye pressure. Increased eye pressure is dangerous as it could be a precursor to having a brain aneurysm. As you can imagine I panicked and called the doctor's office.
After some run around I finally got a response back. As it turns out the office staff fucked up and gave me the wrong starter samples. They were supposed to give me half dose samples to start off on before going to the full strength medication, instead they gave me full strength samples so my system got shocked and I over dosed. Which explains why I have been flying higher than Miss Diana Ross on an Arizona freeway for 4 days. Thank got it was caught cause I could have stroked out and died! *sigh*
Fortunately everything will be fine, I am due to head back to the doctor's to get the correct samples and will start them tomorrow. My biggest concern is detox symptoms, though I have so much of the drug in my system it's possible I might not experience much but we'll see.
