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The Universe Hates My Penis!

I am becoming increasingly convinced that the universe hates my penis! Yes, you read right. The forces that govern existence have it in for my mojo! It seems that no matter what or how hard I try to meet a guy who can treat my cabin fever I get cockblocked again and again. It never fails!

You don't believe me? Well let me present the evidence for you. Ever since I reached the conclusion that I need to find myself a fuck buddy and began writing up personal ads for one my schedule suddenly became insanely busy. I mean so busy that I was putting extra hours and was so drained when I came home at the end of the day it was all I could do to walk Merlin, eat something, and take a shower before collapsing into bed. More often than not I would over sleep due to stress-induced exhaustion which meant working later and thus getting home later in the evening. I had hope for the weekends but they quickly became consumed with sleeping or errand running and the occasional social obligation I had made long before and had forgotten about.

Things finally started slowing down enough that I was able to keep some more regular hours and begin to focus on finding myself a designated dick. What happens? I get a massive sinus infection and am basically wiped out for a week and a half. I was able to work but my schedule became screwed up again because there were days I had to leave early and work later, as I wasn't sick enough to take off from work and I was getting farther behind in my work which meant more long hours. I spent the weekend of that ill period sleeping and power loading vitamin C, zinc, and chicken soup.

This week I finally started feeling better, and of course things were looking up after that situation with that cute guy on the Metro that flirted with me. Well that was before tonight when the last straw occurred. I'm on my way home after a very long day and there had apparently been some problems with the escalator at the station near my office. Well I'm tired and not paying attention and head towards the escalator I always take down to the platform. Well it turns out the idiot engineers switched the directions on the escalators so the one I usually take down to the platform was going up and not down. I stepped onto the stairs and was thrown backwards resulting in injuring the pinky finger of my left hand (can you get any more of a Gay injury?). My finger is all bruised and swollen now.

And if it isn't enough that I'm in exhausted and in pain, I get to my stop tonight and as I'm heading up the escalator I see that guy that was flirting with me a few days ago. Well he looks right through me, in fact he gave me this almost frosty look as he walks on by (I was coming up the escalator as he was getting off of it at the top). I finally get up to the top and as I'm rushing towards the gates I spot him in the crowd. At the same time I spot the glint of a ring on his right ring finger. The fucker is partnered!!! WTF kind of shit is that!?! The man rides to work the other day ringless, makes all that steamy eye contact, and then gives me the cold shoulder tonight and is back wearing his commitment ring. Men are such fuckwits!!

Which brings me back to the subject of this post. This is entirely too much disaster to befall one person to be mere coincidence. As a Buddhist I am taking all of these situations as a sign from above that I am meant to sleep on frozen sheets a little longer. I cannot begin to express my abject frustration over this to you. It's hard to explain the feeling of having the forces of existence working against your getting any. I guess all that's left now is to go to sleep in my empty bed and pray tomorrow is better day and that this curse lifts soon...

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