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If You Give A Man An Ultimatum...

The drama with J.H. goes on. He and I have been trying to get together for months now and each time he ends up canceling things at the last minute after we have made plans. This has happened about 3 times now and last week we hit yet another speed bump in planning. We have been discussing getting together President's Day weekend but things have been dicey scheduling wise. Well after a little misunderstanding about when the weekend was I finally snapped and told J.H. to get his shit together and call me in a few weeks when he had a set date when he was free and then we'd talk about it. I didn't expect to hear from him for a while and was quite relieved.

Well as I have now learned when you give a man an ultimatum he suddenly comes through. I received a call this afternoon from him enlightening me to the date discrepancy and letting me know that he is in fact free to get together President's Day weekend. Oh, yippy-skippy. He is a sweet man and I enjoy his company but I really am not completely up to seeing him. I have been avoiding the "big talk" about what our relationship to each other is exactly. As far as I'm concerned we are friends who shared a beautiful night of passion and have a potential for occasional platonic sex in the future but nothing more. The sense I get from him on the other hand is that he is developing a major crush. We are both emotionally vulnerable and getting any more entangled would be flirting with disaster. As I've said before, he's a sweet man and I like him, but there is just no potential for anything more than friend and MAYBE the occasional hook up.

My big concern here is hurting his feelings. This has less to do about him and more to do about me. That weekend in October when we met we clicked but it was one of those moments in time where you come together with someone and it all feels wonderful in the moment but after the fact the euphoria dies out. I will forever cherish what we had. It was a beautiful thing and not cheep, but it is not the basis for a romantic relationship. I just hope he understand that.

Christ I feel like such a heartbreaking slut! Why is it that when I finally go straight everything falls apart and the men I didn't want to hurt in the first place end up getting hurt anyway? It's damned aggravating. No wonder Big can't contemplate a relationship with me right now, I'm just a heartache waiting to happen... *Sigh*

I need to bolster my mood and not dwell on this. It will all turn out for the best, I have to keep focusing on that. And whatever happens is fate and a learning experience. Let's just hope the lesson isn't quite so painful this time...

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