Driving Them To Jump
OK, maybe I really am being supremely egocentric and completely irreverent but I am becoming convinced that I drive people in this city to suicide when I get depressed over men. Namely Big.
Case in point. Back in November I was severely depressed about the situation with Big and had been for some time and was wallowing in deep, deep despair. After a period of several days of depression what happened? A man ran naked down the street just a block from my office, went up to the 8th floor of one of the buildings, and threw himself to his death. Ironically enough that incident snapped me right out of my depression and cleared my head.
The past few days I have been very depressed over Big and the whole New Year's Eve incident. It's been hard to focus and I have spent a lot of time being depressed, unmotivated and wallowing. So what happens this afternoon? A woman tried to jump three stories from a landing in a building across the street. Coincidentally enough it was the building where the post office was which I needed to visit and couldn't because they had to cordon everything off. I'm not sure how the situation will resolve. The last I saw they were hauling out a rifle full of tranqs.
Anyway that's not important. The point is that here I was all depressed and mopping about a man (Big) and people are trying to jump from buildings. More importantly I think the two are cosmically connected. I keep being confronted with these close instances of death and despair which serve as a sobering slap to the face. There are worse problems out there than mine. And despite being gloomy and moody at least I'm not so far gone I'm trying to jump from the rooftops. Incidents like this seem to refocus me by putting things in perspective.
Maybe this is all just coincidence but I don't think so. I don't believe in coincidences. Everything happens for a reason and I needed to be confronted with this in order to level myself out. Better than meds and certainly a lot cheaper. One thing is for certain, if this happens again I am seriously going to start asking some deeper philosophical and spiritual questions about the workings of the universe...
