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Dysfunction With All The Trimmings

Well this year's Thanksgiving was NOT what I had in mind. The original plan was to go to John's for his annual "Orphan's Of Thanksgiving" potluck. Then the day and weekend after visit some of my other friends in Maryland. Instead John told me two weeks before Thanksgiving that he and his best friend Alan were going to Florida to tend to the damage left by Hurricane Rita to Alan's condo there. So Daphne and I decided to get together and have our own Thanksgiving celebration, just the two of us, as her BF was going out of town and she didn't want to be with her family just as much as I didn't want to be with my family. Everything was beautiful... and then bad karma struck!

Daphne's BF for a multitude of reasons cancelled his trip up to NY to see his estranged family. I wasn't happy with this (he's a nice enough guy but there is just something about him that mildly irritates me and I think he is SO wrong for her.) but because it is Thanksgiving and he is her BF (and it's their apartment we'd be staying in) I couldn't very well complain or insist he go away. I figured it'd be cool though. I can get along with him well enough for an evening. Not like I see him everyday.

Well, then 2 DAYS BEFORE THANKSGIVING, his crazy, drunk-ass, dysfunctional-as-all-Hell family decided they were just going to wing down from upstate NY and spend Thanksgiving with him and D. BTW the family has never really met Daphne before. You can imagine the panic the two of them went into, especially Daphne, and as for me I just groaned loudly and then stocked up on some wine for the dreaded occasion.

Thanksgiving day comes. I decided to drive up to Rockville where Daphne and her BF live that afternoon. The BF's family were coming that afternoon as well but would be staying at a hotel. Well, wouldn't you know I overslept on Thanksgiving Day and was therefore running late on all of the things I had to do before I left (like clean my bathroom). I could have done these things the night before but was too exhausted that night from my 3 hour commute home (part of which involved me walking several miles).

So here I am rushing around to get things done and together. Then Bryan arrives and seeing as how this is the last Thanksgiving I will be seeing him for a while due to his imminent move to California, I wanted to spend a little time with him. I didn't get on the road until late then got pulled over for speeding on the beltway by some disgruntled, pig of a cop who talked EXACTLY like Forrest Gump. Fucker. I did get some satisfaction in being a bitch by wishing him a "Happy and Blessed Thanksgiving Officer!" in the sweetest Martha Steward on saccharin and crack voice I could muster. Pulling me over for a little speeding (when everyone else was doing the exact same thing) on a fucking holiday. May he get food poisoning from his Turkey leftovers!!

I finally arrived at Daphne's and the insanity with the BF's family began. They were in a few words very educated and tolerate rednecks. An oxymoron I know but you had to meet these people. More importantly they were NUTS! I am a total stranger to these people and Daphne is potentially their future daughter-in-law and they were openly going at each other, throwing open barbs about everything from each others smoking to drinking problems. The father was by far the worst; a total authoritarian-asshole father who kept referring to the BF as "Shit for brains" and then putting pressure on his son to procreate and give them grand children. The sister unit was very much the spoiled princess and kept running outside to gab on her cell phone and report to the family and friends (of which there are a million — they are all incestuously close) and confirm that Daphne had "passed the test" at least with this portion of the family.

I don't know what the fuck Daphne is thinking by considering this man for marriage. Not only do they live in different worlds, but also he has serious mental problems as a result of the family, and has serious health problems. And to think that these crazy relatives will be her in-laws!

They are lucky they have her as a potential daughter-in-law because I wouldn't have put up with it for 2 seconds. I would have told them to shut the fuck up and quit acting like a pack of bitches and behave. And as for "passing the test" I would have told them flat out "I don't jump through hoops for anyone as a way of garnering approval. You either accept me or you don't. If your son and I choose to have a relationship you can either accept it or go away. And seeing as how you are eating MY food, which I paid for, and imposed your presence on us at the last minute you have two choices: Either shut up and act like civilized and educated people or get the fuck out of my house!"

Though I also wouldn't date a man like Daphne's BF to begin with, so this wouldn't be an issue, but if I did I would definitely dump him after meeting folks like these, unless he was (or planning to be) permanently estranged from them. I'm sorry but blood or no blood there is just shit you don't put up with and when people carry on abusively like that, and in your house no less, they deserve to be dealt a smack down!

So much for a drama-free Thanksgiving. I could have stayed home or gone over to my father's house and had just as much dys-FUN-ction. Note to self: If this happens again next year RUN AWAY!!

After the "Dysfunctional Family Circus" left, Daphne, her BF, and I were able to unwind by eating more food and watching South Park The Movie. I forgot how fucking hilarious and wrong that movie was. LOL We all then decided to try and sleep. Apparently none of us slept comfortably or well and today were tired and cranky.

I checked my voice messages this morning and it turns out all of my plans for this weekend got cancelled. I was due to have lunch today with Bibish and Jay-Anne but both of them had papers for law school finals they had to finish so they couldn't make it. Then my other friend called to say he was sick and wouldn't be able to have me come visit. With the combination of last night I took this all as a karmic sign that I need to go home. I am not upset by it all in the least. I'm actually quite happy because I have a lot of projects at home I can work on. So it's all good.

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