Still Got It Going On
Lately I have been feeling very self-conscious about the extra pounds I have put on over the course of the past 6 months. While I am not a blimp, I have packed on about 15 pounds of fat and it is becoming increasingly harder to fit into my clothes, let alone cover up what God cursed me with. As I told Daphne recently, "We've got junk in the trunk. Unfortunately there isn't enough trunk for the junk!"
I have noticed that my "look ratio" has gone down too. I used to be able to walk down the street and turn the heads of most of the Gay men around. Now I get one or two. I know I shouldn't be so hung up on appearances and superficial attention but damn it I can't help it. Despite my self-confidence and high self-esteem I still have some body issues.
All my life I have been the chubby, awkward, dorky kid that was picked on and made fun of for it. Despite what some people have told me I feel I didn't grow into my looks until my early 20's, and I definitely blossomed after I started going to the gym. At my peak of fitness I was relatively slender, slightly toned, and felt mentally and physically fantastic. Suddenly men were throwing themselves at me and gawking. That feeling of allure and empowerment was nice. Consider it mental revenge for always being teased about my weight in the past by the other catty bitches. These days I feel grumpy, bloated, and overweight. Not to mention un-sexy.
So you can imagine how great I felt this morning when a VERY attractive man in his early 30's couldn't take his eyes off of me in the Metro on my ride in. He looked a bit like Pierce Brosnan back in the 80's and was obviously on his way to work. I was seated in the back of the car and he ended up standing across from me to my left. There was lots of steamy eye contact and flirty smiles. This last off and on for the duration of my ride and unfortunately he didn't get off at my stop. I also didn't chat him up which was short sighted of me. Oh, well live and learn.
Ironically enough I was feeling particularly fat today and sitting down my stomach was in full explosion with no way to suck it in to make it look smaller. Yet despite my "sins" hanging out that man liked what he saw and was clearly turned on. It was a great boost to my down ego, especially on a Monday morning, to feel that desirable to a man who was both good looking and in good physical condition. I tend to attract a lot of attention no matter how I look from troll-like old men. 
But it didn't end there. At lunchtime I took a walk up to Flake Circle to have lunch with Daphne and this very HOT and young (I'd say 25-ish) blue-collar elevator technician gave me a smile and eye contact so hot my clothes almost burst into flames! There wasn't a curve on my body he didn't size up and down and approve with a combo look and smile that said, "I want to eat every inch of you!" Yeah. My head was swimming. When I came back from lunch I passed him again on the sidewalk and he got distracted from what he was doing and almost tripped. I felt damn good.
As I'm sure some of you are wondering now, what exactly is the point of this entry besides stroking my own vanity? Well, the point is that even with some extra baggage I still have it going on. I know that as soon as I focus and start going to the gym again I will lose the weight, but at least I know that while there may not be as many interested parties right now I am still a good looking guy at any size!
