Hello, Hangover!
Well it has been a full weekend to say the least. Jay got up this morning at about 9 am horrified and embarrassed. I comforted her and then insisted she take a shower and get prettied up before I took her back to Tash's to get her car. Apparently being a good friend has resulted in me being crowned "an angel." 
I took her back to Tash's and from there we went to breakfast. I was pretty exhausted as I didn't get much sleep because I kept being interrupted by a very irritable Merlin who was NOT happy about his daddy commandeering his bed. Breakfast BTW was at Hell's Kitchen, I mean Denny's. It was Tash idea not Jay's and mine. We would have preferred the lower-middle class sophistication of IHOP.
After hanging out there for an hour we all went our separate ways. I wanted to go home but I had a brunch date with John and his best friend Alan and some other friend of theirs from church. It was pleasant but I wasn't too hungry and groggy to fully enjoy it.
It was kind of odd seeing John again in this situation. While I know he told Alan about our decision to just be friends it almost felt like Alan was looking at us with this hope in his eyes that we would reconcile. Romantics never die, they just become cynical. And I admit I was entertaining similar thoughts myself. I love John more than anything, and sitting there across from him it was apparent to me that the rift is unbridgeable. We will never be what we were, only best friends and soul mates. It hurts. I don't know what else to say.
I know that we made the right choice but I can't help but feel a twinge of regret and longing. How do you move on after something like this? This is a man who I was ready to marry and move in with. Now I am left with a big hole in my life that he used to fill so perfectly. We are still friends and I am happy for that, I just wish that it could have worked out. I know no matter what happens and who comes along in our lives I will always love him and he will always love me. He really is my other half and I am his. But the truth is we aren't ready for the other. And in a way I doubt we ever will be. My intuition tells me this is as good as it gets.
After brunch I went home and took a nap then called Kaul. We chatted. He is nice and all but I doubt we will ever hook up. I am may be wrong about that but I doubt it. The intention is there I think the desire mutually weak. Last night was the right place, time, and situation. Now, it just feels like a courtesy. We said we'd call each other and we have fulfilled that promise. There's nothing more to be said.
