A Death In The Extended Family
I woke up to some rather unpleasant news this morning. John was on his way to church and he woke me up long enough to give me a kiss and let me know he'd be back in a few hours, and also that a man we had dinner with at a social event was dead. Yes, dead. The gentleman in question was a friend of John's best friend. Last Christmas John's best friend had his annual Christmas Day dinner party. The recently deceased gentleman, Rick, was one of the guests. I had never met the man before but John had at a similar function. As it turned out I ended up sitting next to Rick and having an enjoyable conversation with him. He seemed nice enough if not a bit angry and surly but not in such a way that was offsetting.
That was the first and last time I met him and just yesterday his name came up in conversation between John and I. We were discussing another guest at that party and I had confused Rick with this other person. What a shock to be told that he was dead this morning.
I'm not sure why John felt compelled to wake me up and tell me this distressing news first thing in the morning (especially while on his way out the door). He basically brought it up because his best friend called him that morning to see if he was still alive and alright. When John asked him why he would call asking such a bizarre question, his friend informed him that Rick (who was in his early/mid fifties) was found dead in his apartment last Thursday. Apparently he had been there three weeks before anyone noticed he was missing.
It's bad enough to think that 6 months ago I was drinking wine and having witty conversation with someone at a party and that now they are dead. But the fact he was not found for three weeks is too terrible to contemplate. Rick wasn't socially isolated but he was self employed. You'd think though that SOMEBODY would have noticed him missing sooner than this. Guess it just goes to show you how wrapped up people can become in their own lives that they stop paying attention to everyone and everything else around them.
We don't know the details as to how Rick died, hopefully it was natural causes, but still… It makes me wonder, did he suffer? Was he aware of how alone he was in his final moments? And on top of it to not be missed for such a long period of time. Does anyone feel bad about that? Is he watching from the great beyond and silently grieving the lack of concern or interest by everyone until it was too late for his well being and whereabouts? It makes me profoundly sad to think about it and very grateful that I am surrounded by so many people and so much love in my own life that if I were to go missing for more than two days somebody would notice and start asking questions.
Maybe I feel too much or put too much melancholy emotion into every situation that can be viewed as tragic. Am I perhaps making more out of this than there is? I don't know. All I know is how I feel, and how shaken I am by this. I didn't even know this man other than that one encounter last Christmas and yet I feel like a link in a long chain of social disconnection. You can't guarantee that people won't die alone but there is at least something that can be done about making sure they are at least missed. Perhaps I am thinking too much about this. I don't know. I can't help thinking that wether we like it or not we are all connected and in that way are one big extended family.
