HMO: Hell's Medical Officiates
Well I have spent half the day today sitting around waiting to be seen by my new primary care physician. All thanks to my lovely HMO medical plan. I thought that because it was provided by Carefirst Blue Cross that it would be better than say one provided by Clinic Permanente. Apparently this is not true, as it really depends on the doctor you get. And while my experience wasn't as ghastly and fucked up like it would have been had I gone to Clinic Permanente, it still wasn't pretty.
I selected my doctor back in September shortly after I started my new job. I knew nothing about him, and because I am usually so fit I figured that I wouldn't be calling upon his services at all. Boy, was I wrong. I have come down with this very nasty bacterial infection in my throat. My tonsils are actually swollen so badly it feels like I have razors stuck into the sides of my throat. Lovely, I know.
Well I called up yesterday to make an appointment and they tell me to come in whenever. This was not a good sign and I knew it. When I arrived at the building where my doctor's offices are I discovered that he is one of 6 doctors who belong to a clinical practice. People where almost stacked on top of each other waiting, it was a nightmare.
I spent the first 45 minutes filling out probing forms and then another 30 minutes waiting. Finally I popped out for an hour-long lunch and came back and waited for another 15 minutes before I was finally seen.
My doctor as it turns out was an ass. In fact, from this point on he shall be referred to as "Dr. Cockhead" (his real name is Dr. Kauffmann). He looks at my throat and then asks me when this started, what all the symptoms were, etc. I told him. He then starts reviewing my forms and asks me if I'm sexually active and after my response of yes, awkwardly tries to ask me what kind of sex I engage in. I believe his exact words were, "Heterosexual sex or... uh...."
I became very annoyed and told Dr. Cockhead I was Gay which immediately prompted him to ask me about my HIV status and whether or not I was tested regularly. He then went on to tell me that due to my sexual lifestyle that I needed to be careful because it is "risky."
I was furious. Had I told Dr. Cockhead I was straight he wouldn't have even asked me about HIV. It's nice to know that the the common, 1980's, misconception that only Gay people contract HIV is still alive and well. If I wasn't desperate for relief I would have murdered him right there and then. I bit my tongue from saucily saying to him, "Heterosexuals are just as equally at risk for HIV and their contraction rates aren't that much different from Homosexuals." I wish I hadn't refrained now.
Dr. Cockhead then does a quick look-see in my mouth and tells me that I just have a viral infection and gives me some very high powered antibiotics to cure it. He then reminds me to get tested regularly and then reitterates his ignorant statements about my "risky lifestyle." I just forced a nasty smile, thanked him, and left clutching the prescription tightly.
I have begun the meds and I already feel some relief. But I am still very pissed off over this jackass and his bigoted comments. I can't afford to pay for a PPO health plan, but one thing is for sure, I am going to find a new doctor ASAP!
