Peace of Mind
It never ceases to surprise me when life delivers the answers to the questions that have been eating me for so long in one quick epiphany. Maybe Saturday's melancholic moaning helped bring it to a head. Who knows? All I know is that I have finally realized what I should have realized all along about the pain my ex left me with. The answer to my deep burning question of did I matter or not is a) not a complete answer and b) more of a state of mind.
Fact A: I don't know if I mattered to him both then and even now. I will more than likely never know. And that is ok, because it really isn't important.
Fact B: What is important is that it doesn't matter if I mattered to him but whether or not I matter to my true soul mate and the one who really loves me and appreciates me for who I am and treats me as an equal.
Fact C: It is his loss not mine. There wasn't anything I did that made him break up with me (he actually told me that) so I shouldn't get so upset. He lost a damn good man, and I gained valuable insight I never would have gained otherwise.
So even if I didn't matter it isn't important, it makes no difference. Because I do matter to the one who I will eventually partner with and marry. No matter how long it takes to find him or what obstacles have to be overcome in the mean time. Love is worthwhile, and love is never a waste. The only waste is not knowing the true value of love when you have it and still not seeing it once you have thrown it away.
I knew on the day things where discussed and ended permanently that my ex wasn't my soul mate. That we weren't meant to be together for the rest of our lives. I think in a way I always knew it, but didn't want to believe it. We were such a good fit, how could he not be the one? I accepted the fact we weren't meant to be together then but I didn't fully understand or appreciate the profoundness of that. I believe everything happens for a reason, and now I understand even more what the reasons behind this situation.
And with that being said and done I can set myself free and fully move on with my life. Faith, love, and healing are beautiful things. Never lose sight of the goal and try not to overlook the abundant treasures that lay before you just below the vision of your eyes.
