Looking For A Man In An Orange Cap
What is it about men standing me up!?!?! Is there a bulls eye on my forehead with the words "Victim For Standup" written under it?! If you don't want to meet someone don't fucking ask them out, follow up with ardent e-mails telling them not forgetting to show up, then bloody well not appear yourself! Or maybe that's it, maybe it's all just a very clever and devious plot to make sure the person doesn't forget to show up so they can be stood up! UGH!
So here's the scoop, two weeks ago I was updating my profile on the dating service I use. I am literaly logged on less than 5 seconds and this guy from Maryland IMs me. Nothing new, no biggie. Well he's Latino, recently out of a relationship of 5 years, AND doesn't speak and understand English very well. To top it off he starts making very strange and disturbing conversation that contains such phrases as, "I like you," "you pretty. I like you a lot," and my favorite "I do anything for you. I go to college for you." Can I attract 'em or what?
Despite my better judgment I continued to talk to him. After all how do you tell someone who barely understands English, "You're creeping me out, goodbye," and make sure they understand why you are saying it? He was so sad and pathetic that soft hearted (more like soft headed) me felt bad for him and wanted to give him a chance. After all if the tables were turned I'd want the person I was talking to be patient and understanding about the language barrier.
So we go on this way in very broken, hard to understand English, with me occasionally using a free web translator to communicate some of my replies in basic Spanish. I currently only speak two languages: English and body language. And the latter is harder to communicate through the internet.
So after almost an hour of conversation we agree to meet at Metro Center, on the Glenmont platform at noon. We'll talk face to face and do lunch. I told him in no uncertain terms that I want friendship not sex. He agreed and said that he wanted the same thing. I figured this wouldn't be a pretty situation anyway and that it would be easier to deal with things live rather than over the net. I don't like to hurt feelings, despite the nasty things I say to and about people in this blog.
Well, every few days leading up to today I have gotten an e-mail from him reminding me not to forget. The last one I received was last night and in it he says he'll be wearing an orange cap. I knew what he looked like from his photo and with it being Labor Day weekend the station wouldn't be crowded so his wearing the orange cap was perfect. There would be no way for me to miss him. Besides, how many men are running about the city in orange caps these days anyway? Apparently more than I thought. In the hour I stood around waiting I saw 5 men in orange caps (and one in an orange bandanna) and none of then were him. By the time 1PM rolled around I was so pissed off I could have killed the first person to come within arms reach.
I don't appreciate having my time wasted like that. Fortunately I had to shop at H&M for some new clothes so I decided to go to Union Station for lunch and then return to Metro Center and shop at H&M.
The shopping was quite good, although had I gotten up earlier and gone at 11 like I had planned and not waited until 2pm the store would have been empty. In the hour I spent shopping I came in contact with no fewer than 6 pretty, Gay-DC male couples. Most were nice to me and some of them even eyed me up in a favorable way, but the whining, prissiness, and self-absorption irritated the shit out of me. Not to mention I am a disgruntled singleton, so being subjected to all these happy, loving, committed, couples shopping together and being all sweet and endearing just set me off.
Let's face it, I have made a lot of progress in the 3 months since the man I hoped to grow old with told me "I don't love you" and then vanished from my life completely (So much for his, "let's be friends" line) but damn it I still have issues! Serious issues!. I have accepted that things didn't work out and that we weren't meant to be together. I don't want him back yet at the same time the entire situation still hurts like Hell. I don't exactly want a relationship at the moment (if one comes by fine, whatever), and while I don't lack for sexual partners (OTHER MEN know a good thing when they have it!), there is very much a part of me that is lonely. VERY lonely. And very sad too. I miss that feeling of security and knowing that you have each other. I miss all the little things that come with being committed to one person, to building a life with someone. When the one you love just walks away from that and leaves you there without so much as an umbrella to shelter you from the rain it makes you ask yourself, "Did I even matter? Did you ever really care about me at all?" I still don't understand how a person can do that, I really don't.
Love changes and drifts away. People come together and break up. It happens every day. Nothing unnatural about it. But when good things come to a bad end both parties should take more responsibility in ending it well. No lies, no games, no empty sentiments. Just straight up honesty and communication. Even if that honesty and communication is painful to the receiver. It's not right to lead people on and give them false hope. There is a way to say goodbye, and doing so in a cold and callous manner is not the way. Be better than the person next to you. If you're going to break up with someone do it with honor, dignity, and compassion. The other party involved deserves at least that much.
