Goodbyes
Today was both the last work day in August as well as the last day for my two bosses and my friend Nina. My two bosses were let go at the beginning of the month, but told that they had to stay until the end of the month in order to help make a smooth transition for the company. Nina announced her resignation at the beginning of this week. It was a real shock to everyone especially me. She is leaving to start her own proofreading company. She has been very conflicted about leaving. After all she has been with the company 28 years!
I know that my two bosses dismissal was the final catalyst in her decision. She was close to both of their miserable hides, and seeing as how there are 20 people left in the company (most of whom are sleazy and corrupt) there is no point in her staying. It is very sad. I will miss Nina a lot. She was really fun to work with. But she did say that she would be coming back for lunches and stuff, so that is good. She also said that when she is ready to put up a web site she'd hire me to do it! 
The day in and of itself went rather well. I was debriefed on the details of the job functions I would be absorbing. At 12 we all went down to On The Border, this Mexican restaurant about 5 blocks down from the office. The meal was good and by 1:45 we were all back at the office for the gift presentment. We gave Nina her gifts and the daft CEO rambled on almost endlessly about his years working with Nina. He kept wandering off the point as usual. Then he did a similar but shorter spiel for my bosses. It was nice but at the same time got dull very quickly. Our CEO is by no means a riveting speaker.
We didn't wrap things up until almost 2:30 and unfortunately I had a lot of stuff to do before 3 and it snowballed into a major disastrous crunch. I was able to get everything done, but I didn't leave the office until 3:45.
I stopped at Starbucks after work, which turned out well, as the cute manager I like and flirt with was on and I got to make steamy eye contact with him. It's so cute how animated/flustered he gets when I'm around. He used to flirt with me a lot in the past, but unfortunately after I started dating TJ the flirting died down, so now I'm trying to get it going again. There is life and lust left in me after all!
After Starbucks, I went and saw my therapist for my weekly session. I haven't seen her in like 2 or 3 weeks due to scheduling conflicts. I brought her up to speed on what has been going on and we discussed the whole TJ situation. It still irks me that there was never a final goodbye. Though, if I really wanted to see him again I know where he hangs out.
It wouldn't be difficult. But then again there is the concern of "what would I find if I did try and track him down?" I won't kid myself and say that it wouldn't hurt if I saw him in the arms of another man because it would.
What bothers me most is the thought of him marring my name all over town and getting laid in the process. I don't want to be with him anymore, which is good. There was a period of time when I wanted to be with him. The more I think about him and really remember what it was like to be with him, the less I want to be around him at all. Maybe we could be social acquaintances, maybe not.
What I want most of all right now is to be free of the pain, and have some sort of definite ending. A final goodbye where I can set the record straight. Which is a bit delusional because he'll talk about me anyway if he really wants to, but damn it I want to have the chance to tell him to his face that I am not the villain here! But maybe this is just the way it has to be. I just don't know.
